Holidays and stepkids(98 Posts)
just come back from a two week holiday with the step kids that very nearly saw me losing my rag daily with. Teenage DSD was rude to her dad and me on a daily basis, obsessed about social media every 5 seconds when we were there, had a complete meltdown any time we suggested going anywhere out of WIFI range and so we essentially spent two weeks staring at the 4 walls we were staying in.
Luckily the grandparents paid for this holiday out of an inheritance they recieved (I paid for myself even though it really wasn't my cup of tea, I hate doing nothing and come out in a cold sweat at the thought of two weeks sat being bored)
Now the demands from Teenage DSD have started for next year, where, when, how long for. Aafter the way that she spoke to her father and me a few times on this holiday I really don't want to get involved in paying the sort of money she's expecting after the grandparents paid it out this year out if she's going to be a wotsit for the whole holiday.
If it were up to me, I'd want to go somewhere where we perhaps travel, like a driving holiday through france or Italy. She's flatly refused demanding two weeks in some spanish hellhole staring at her phone.
What do other steparents do in this scenario? OH did a bit of a disney dad routine as he was just chuffed to bits with the chance to spend 2 weeks with them, I'm going to be paying for the next holiday as the major breadwinner but at the moment I'd rather not go if it's going to be doing something that I don't want to do.
I'd honestly not go, and be very upfront as to why.
Although why didn't you leave teenage DSD behind and go out anyway? Have you got a DP problem there?
If you're paying for it, then book whatever holiday you want to spend your hard earned cash on and tell DSD she can take it or leave it. I possibly would ensure all the hotels you stop off en route had free Wifi as a concilliatory gesture though....
You're paying? You choose the holiday. They don't like, they don't go.
Why didn't you just go out. This is pretty normal behaviour for teen girls. Your DH should parent. It's a DH issue not a DSD issue.
Since you'll be paying I would just put your foot down and refuse to do it. Two weeks stuck in a holiday apt/hotel room with a teenager posting on social media? Fuck that. I'd rather stay at home.
Or yes, just book what YOU want to do and she can either like it and come along or stay at home.
If she's a teen and no interest in going anywhere, why not leave her yo it and go out? Event you had to go by yourself, you'd have sent a 'not acceptable' message to your partner. I don't understand why you pandered to it - you are free to do as you choose, surely?
I agree with other posters. If you're paying, you decide! She can either be go or decline!
I don't know where the 'be' came from
thanks all. I think I was a) worried that I was overreacting and b) really stewing over feeling obliged to keep the status quo on the next trip.
She's only 15 so we couldn't really single her out much on this trip if she stropped into one, and where the grandparents had booked there was VERY little to go and see outside of the hotel but I'm not much of a bucket and spade holiday person so it wasn't my choice of venue this year.
She's already said no to France and Turkey next year (Turkey was only on the table on the safe side but she thinks ISIS are all over the place) and she says she ONLY wants to go to Spain or the Canaries.
France or Italy it is then!
And Yes Juneau, I would rather have stayed at home than sit watching her snap-chatting and instagramming all week.
Your money you decide. When she's paying she can choose where to go. If she doesn't want to go then she can stay at home.
France or Italy it is then!
Good for you OP! Why the hell should this stroppy teen get to dictate where everyone goes when all she's looking at is her phone anyway?
Maybe she won't go with you, which would be what I call a great result all round
May I recommend dsd goes with generous dgp next summer? It's what we do.
Although it must be said that it's a dsd, dss and dh package that goes off each year now for at least a fortnight to the continent dh is from and where his dps live (and rest of his family). Ds and I went twice (and that was friendly and plenty all round). They all have a lovely catch up time, lots of 1-2-1 for everybody, and yes the teen dsc spend a lot of time on social media and/or pcs, but they are happy. Dsc even often stay with dgps a week or two longer than dh! Win win
That's also a good suggestion, dgp's have already offered to do it all again next year, but this is the same hotel they go to twice a year and have done for the past 5 years. I'm really keen not to go there again if possible. Teenage DSD did say that she'll go with whoever is paying, i can feel a nice holiday coming on for us next year on a lovely dull roadtrip without her. All we want is nice scenery, a lovely relaxed pace and some lovely dinners. she wants a disco and wifi!
Do your step kids live with you and your DP full time, or is it a part-time arrangement?
That makes a big difference, I think.
I'm widowed so my DC are always with me. Therefore family holidays need to suit us all, and even my sometimes-surly 14YO needs to compromise. (EG I agree to a place with good wifi as long as she agrees not to stay on it constantly.)
My boyfriend and I get away for an occasional weekend while my parents have the kids and aside from that he can go on holiday with friends. What he can't do is expect long holidays with me free of stroppy kids, or in locations that wouldn't suit them.
If your partner doesn't have his kids full time then let him take them on the kind of holiday they want to go on, and enjoy their holiday with their dad. You either along and lump it - or if funds/annual leave are an issue, don't go and go on a separate holiday with your DP when he doesn't have the kids.
I felt sad on this summer holiday, realising my DC1 only has 3 summers with us until she finishes school. I wasn't them to be fun for her. But also fun for her younger siblings and pleasant for us - it's a compromise.
Hire a hot tub /pool and stay home. Plenty of WiFi and u can leave them in the garden and go do your own thing. I wouldn't pay paying anything at all for a holiday ruined by children!!
She can't dictate where you go and what you do if she's not paying, can she. I do hope you told her that if you can afford to go on holiday next year (not everyone goes away every year) then you certainly won't be doing a holiday like that again as you didn't enjoy it! She can put that in her pipe and smoke it! It might make her think twice.
Does she know you didn't enjoy it? Does she know you'd be paying next year?
thanks Somerville, they dont live with us full time, it's an every other weekend and one evening a week arrangement, the only times they've been abroad have been when the dgp's have paid for everyone to go.
Annual leave and budget will be tight next year as I'm determined to go away somewhere for my 40th, DSD has already turned her nose up at the thought of self catering (Heaven forbid!) and has insisted that she "holidays" somewhere abroad.
i have tried to explain that the budget might not allow to go abroad at all if the expectations are too high, i LOVE the hot tub idea!
She knows I didn't enjoy the holiday, i wasn't mean, i just said that sitting round doing nothing for two weeks isn't fun for me. And she knows I will be paying next year, doesn't seem overly grateful though!
she sounds like a fucking nightmare! My dsd now lives with me but when she didn't if she'd shown such entitled ungrateful behaviour id have hit the roof. And so would my DP. We could never afford a holiday abroad but luckily for my DSC their mother has a meal ticket fiancé. We are saving for a holiday now but DSD will be grateful wherever we go I know that
I think I may be that mealticket. Their mother can't afford to take them away and neither can my DP so to have demands placed on where I spend the money smacks a little bit of brattishness
I sympathise am now on my third teen and they have all had their moments. Remember she is testing the boundaries and probably trying to test what is more important , her wants or yours.
To be honest I can't imagine many teens ( including mine who are happy with a pool and a good book and of course their iPod) who be very keen on spending hours in the car driving looking out of the window at scenery and having quiet dinners .Can you not find a middle ground ?
We've done half and half holidays before now, where step children have come with us for a week and then gone to see relatives or done something else for a week.
Let her and her dad and GPs go on their own and you and DP do something else at a different time?
There is no way on this earth I'd pay for a holiday for someone who's behaving like that. No. You need to have a really firm talk to her now in preparation for next year.
I'd rather give her dad some money and tell him to take her away on his own - it's not a holiday for you, is it?
And for god's sake don't take her on a road trip! Can you imagine that, with her moaning non-stop?
Foot down firmly now before she gets her hopes up. Tell her and DP how it's going to be. Give her the option of staying home with her mother.
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