Holidays and stepkids

[Dollyparton3]

just come back from a two week holiday with the step kids that very nearly saw me losing my rag daily with. Teenage DSD was rude to her dad and me on a daily basis, obsessed about social media every 5 seconds when we were there, had a complete meltdown any time we suggested going anywhere out of WIFI range and so we essentially spent two weeks staring at the 4 walls we were staying in.

Luckily the grandparents paid for this holiday out of an inheritance they recieved (I paid for myself even though it really wasn't my cup of tea, I hate doing nothing and come out in a cold sweat at the thought of two weeks sat being bored)

Now the demands from Teenage DSD have started for next year, where, when, how long for. Aafter the way that she spoke to her father and me a few times on this holiday I really don't want to get involved in paying the sort of money she's expecting after the grandparents paid it out this year out if she's going to be a wotsit for the whole holiday.

If it were up to me, I'd want to go somewhere where we perhaps travel, like a driving holiday through france or Italy. She's flatly refused demanding two weeks in some spanish hellhole staring at her phone.

What do other steparents do in this scenario? OH did a bit of a disney dad routine as he was just chuffed to bits with the chance to spend 2 weeks with them, I'm going to be paying for the next holiday as the major breadwinner but at the moment I'd rather not go if it's going to be doing something that I don't want to do.

[JellyBook]

I agree Basil.

[BasilFaulty]

Zombie thread. That being said, I've read the whole thread and think SM's were treated much much nicer and with more patience 3 years ago than now. Not sure the OP would get as much positive responses now.

[TwentyEight12]

Ha!

Good work... I guess she would be 19 now.

Let’s hope she did go on holidays and enjoy them.

[JellyBook]

Since this thread is three years old I’m hoping the stepdaughter isn’t still expecting her holidays to be paid for.

[TwentyEight12]

Why bother? She isn’t bothered. She’s prioritised her social media as the number one priority in her life right now. She’s that age and that emotionally unavailable to anyone other than her peer group. Nothing new, it’s just that we didn’t do it via different means because we didn’t have mobiles and tablets annnnnd iPads annnnnd our own laptops annnnnd...

I would say that next time you arrange another family holiday, give her the option of ‘hey, do you know what, you weren’t into the last holiday so we were thinking, how about we give you the money we were gonna spend on you on holiday and you can stay home and do whatever you wanna do with it yeah?’

Everyone wins.

[Sosayi]

If you do go then one thing to do is the following
Unlock her phone put a 3 SIM card in it
Top it up with £20
She will have 12Gig of internet to use
And 3000 texts and minutes
If she uses Wi-fi in the hotel the 12Gig will be more than enough
I don’t think it will work in Turkey
But Spain and most of Europe and the USA is fine
For £20 quid you will have a stress free holiday 😂😂😂

[MichelleC69]

She's already said no to France and Turkey next year

She's 15, and she's not paying, therefore she doesn't get to dictate!

[SavingSpaces2019]

Sounds to me like you're being used as a cash cow by both parents and step-kids.
Your DP can't even be arsed to discipline or parent his brat.
If i were you i would be putting conditions on the pocket money and taking/paying for their holidays - "this is the behaviour i EXPECT from you, pocket money will be docked for every transgression. Regular bratty behavior will result in not being taken on holiday - unless you're own parents cough up".

None of them have any respect for you OP. Even your DP only pays you lip service.
Stop being their cash cow.

[Livelovebehappy]

Two holidays; one just your DP and is dc, and another just you and your DP? Not a step parent, but that’s what we did with our teens and worked well.

[SolsticeBabyMaybe]

She's being very cheeky asking for another holiday!

I'd just say 'no idea', 'haven't even thought about it yet' and repeat.

Then think about it in a few months if you decide you do want a holiday.

[Spanglyprincess1]

This is madness poor you op.
I may have a lot of issues with dp and the kids but they are polite.
They say thank you and enjoy a nice holiday with beaches and castles and walks and ice creams.
Bizaree that people expect more!

[Scorpiovenus]

lol after reading all these posts I will definitely not be allowing this to happen ever. I did worry about this and the concerns others have here.

Oh man that sounds like hell.

[howtodowills]

This thread is reminding me of why I did the right thing in telling DP that I will no longer holiday with his daughters.
The thought of not having to waste another penny on having a perfectly nice holiday ruined is fantastic!

[princessjonsie67]

If your paying then they go where you want to go. If their dad wants to go else where then he can save and take them alonewhile you kick back and enjoy the peace and quite at home. I used to have the problem with my husband and his son. he moaned about never going abroad and being taken on holiday so one year I caved in and said he could join us. When planning the holiday he said he 1: didn't like the sun 2: didn't like sitting on a beach or by a pool 3: refused to wear summer clothes (he always wears jeans and a sweat shirt and boots even in the hottest weather. He demanded we took him to America and he wanted to go to San Diego to Comic Con or Australia . I suggested my husband take him alone. safe to say he still hasn't been on holiday with us or alone with his dad

[Dollyparton3]

Thanks mycraneisfixed, I'm so relieved to see I'm not alone here.

Outtogetyou, we have the same keeping up with the jones demands. DSD has told us she's buying an iPhone 7 for xmas and wants everyone to contribute. It's hilarious. Why does a 15 year old need something that high spec? I work with people who live on their phones all day for work and they don't need one!

The only consolation is that we told her we'd match whatever she saves towards her first car. The clock is ticking and £700 on a smartphone will suck a bit of that budget up nicely 👍🏻

[Mycraneisfixed]

Glad you're planning your next holiday without your step kids OP.
It's not your responsibility to give them the holiday they feel they're entitled to so don't even try.

[MeridianB]

You can only hope he will snap out of it in a couple of years .

I guess the only option now is to tune it out, just like this Dad does! Easier said than done, I know.

[OutToGetYou]

He'll just play on his laptop/ipad (neither of which he would have brought if I'd had anything to do with it) so won't burn the place down. To be honest, we could just go and he wouldn't even notice.

He certainly used to like fishing and it was one of the things mentioned they could do when we were here. When asked what he wants to do he now says "nothing". Before we came the only thing he wanted to do was go swimming. But he's only been in the pool once (the gite also has its own pool) and when we went to the beach, first time he refused to even paddle, next time he paddled a bit but wouldn't go in and swim.

He's missed two meals so far by just not appearing after being told it's ready. I'm not chasing him down to have food.

[MeridianB]

So he likes fishing but refuses to go?

Can you trust him to not the burn the place down if he is left there for the morning?

[thepurplehen]

My dsd would sit in a darkened room with the curtains closed all holiday, unless made to come out, which was done incredibly reluctantly.

I pointed out that we didn't really need to pay for a holiday for her to do that, she could have stayed at her mums house and sat in her own darkened room!

[OutToGetYou]

He's always having a good time, he's just that sort of person.
Plus he would never ever admit dss was being a pain.
Dss won't go out with dp, if I was staying in he'd see this as an excuse not to go out too, so that wouldn't work (I have tried this before at home).
Dp has been going fishing each evening (we chose a place with its own fishing lake, yes, it's own fishing lake), because dp and dss both like fishing, but dss has refused to go with him every time. I won't go, the idea of fishing bores me rigid.

It's not that there's no peace as such, if ignored dss would just stay in his room, if we didn't go anywhere he'd happily (well, as happily as a teen does anything) just do that. So what is the point of bringing him on holiday?
He's been in his room since we got back from the beach at 6pm (an hour ahead here). Not uttered a word other than "no" when asked if he wanted to go fishing.
I've agreed with dp that he and I will go to a local chateau and cave tomorrow morning, leaving dss here on his own, then if dss wants to we'll go somewhere else in the afternoon. We'll have a picnic lunch by the lake I think.

[MeridianB]

Is your DP having a good time? Have you asked him? It sounds horrendous. Maybe they can go out for the day and you can have some peace?

[OutToGetYou]

He's 15. Today has been worse. If we're not doing the exact thing he wants (which appears to be "nothing") then he's rude and sulky. I am so sick of it.
Today I decided to stop bothering to speak because he just argues with everything I say. And he waxes lyrical about his mum's new boyfriend and it's driving me up the fecking wall. (especially as the guy sounds like a pretty nasty piece of work who calls black people niggers and Asian people Pakis, and does work for food, lives in a caravan, doesn't pay any tax.... All this dss knows, so it's obviously stuff he says quite openly)
Dss also just constantly asks for expensive things. He keeps going on about some eight hundred pounds cam corder he wants. Telling us all the techy details, it's so BORING. Dp isn't buying it for him so he should tell him to shut up about it.
And he "needs" a new phone. He had my previous one which he seems to have broken and now has been given the mum's boyfriend's old one which he "hates", so he needs an I phone 6. Dp isn't going to buy him one so again he should just tell him to stop going on about it.
And now a special rucksack that has inbuilt cable management and chargers so he can keep all his devices (all the devices he "hates" and which are "so lame") charged at all times, which is £120. He's not getting that either. But it's all he talks about.
He sees something, he decides he has to have it. It's infantile. And dp never just says stop going on about it.

I can't really go off on my own, we only have one car and the gite is miles from anywhere. Might tell dp tomorrow that we're going out without dss and see what he thinks.
At least I won't have to go to yet another crepery!

[GirlOutNumbered]

I have two DS and also a 13 year old DSS. We have just come back from a three week tour down to Provence.
Next year, I will not be taking the step son!
He does get to go on other holidays with his mother and it is so much harder when there is 3. He was constantly on a device of some description and generally moaned his way though the holiday.
As a compromise we will take all three to a holiday park for a week and then take the other two for a touring holiday for the rest of the summer.

[MeridianB]

Sheesh! How old is he? I'd ditch the pair of them and go out for the day.