Desperate for Help

[CherylDbb]

I'm posting about difficulties with my Grandsons behaviour.
He is almost 11 and for about the past year has been having extreme out bursts of anger, ( he has always had quite a temper from when he was small). The past year or so his anger has got much worse, he has become verbally abusive, and physically threatening and abusive towards his family. In school he is doing ok educationally, he is sociable with other children, quite popular actually....he wouldn't be if they could see how he behaves at home!!!! His parents have been back and forth to the doctors about his behaviour. The doctors doesnt think that he has Autism, Aspergers, ADHD because he behaves well in school, at rugby, football etc. The doctor says that if he had any of these above conditions he would be like it evereywhere?? and is putting his behaviour down to "Behavioural Issues"?? Every day for the past 9 - 10 months he has meltdowns several times a day, before school, after school, before bedtime are the most "usual times" but he can go ballistic at other times too over the smallest of things that he is not happy about, that annoys / upsets him. He can say the nastiest things, swearing, threatening, insulting and do things like throwing things about, ripping things up, breaking things, totally wreck his bedroom, throw things at any of his family, run at them fist raised, or with something to hit one of them with, actually hit one of them, push them etc. The doctor after several visits has, finally, referred him to CAMHS and other family relationship services / councilling etc but all this is taking time and he and his family are really really struggling to cope. They have taken him to A & E twice in desperation for some answers, had the police talk to him twice out of desperation to get the message across to him that he can't threaten and attack them. He has had a a couple of councilling sessions with Local Authority Mental Health type people who with no improvement in his behaviour what so ever then tried to sign him out of their care??, been to a couple of private councilling sessions which made a very slight difference for a few days. Our main problem, I think, is not having a proper diagnosis of what is actually wrong with him? so any ideas / advice from anyone would be most welcome.

[livpotter]

It sounds like he could be masking at school/with his friends then exploding at the people he feels safest with.

There's a Facebook group called SEND VCB, which could be helpful to look at. It looks at how to reduce violent and challenging behaviour. Even if he doesn't have a diagnosis some of the techniques could be helpful.

The lady that started the site is called Yvonne Newbold and if you google her name she has lots of helpful information on her website too. She also runs courses for families. I think there's one on reducing violent meltdowns in London in December.

[CherylDbb]

Thanks for your reply livpotter I'll have a look at that fb page.
I have wondered if he is holding it together ok'is in school and other pretty well structured things like football and rugby etc and then let it all go at home where like you say he feels most secure etc.
He has over the past few months developed various anxieties / ocd hand washing, worrying about people breathing to close to him? breathing on or near his food, worrying that he is going to turn into them, also if they have touched something like a towel, his clothes, he keeps putting clean clothes back in to be washed incase anyone (his family) has touched, breathed or looked at them as he fears he'll "turn into" that person??? He is reassured that he won't turn into anyone else.....but still battles with these
and other bizarre thoughts / fears....but is just fine with being a rugby scrum??

[livpotter]

It sounds like he is very anxious at the moment.

My ds is a lot younger (6) and is autistic. When he is anxious he gets very controlling, everything has to be done in the right way and at the right time or he loses it.

It does sound from what you are writing that he is much more comfortable if he is doing something structured, with rules. Maybe he feels a bit out of control at home because it's not like that.

[MontStMichel]

It’s not for me to diagnose DGS over the internet; but both DH and DD have OCD. They can cover it up in front of other people; but all the magical thinking comes out at home!

It certainly get worse, when they are under more stress!

[CherylDbb]

Further to my post a few days ago link below.
My grandson has been turned for an assessment appointment with CAMHS.
How the heck are parents suppose to get any help or support???
How bad do things have to become ?
Is it case of wait until someone is injured?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3756863-Desperate-for-Help