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He's cheating again!

(143 Posts)
Coper Sat 18-Jul-09 18:31:32

My H had an affair that lasted about 18 months. I found out and he eventually finished with her. However he had at one time told the kids he was leaving and had upset them etc.
Now 1 year later I have discovered he is seeing her again. I was devastated the first time around but I feel different this time. He doesn't know I know yet. He's with her now and has made up an excuse to be away until Monday.
I have calmly carried on today as if nothing has happened. The children have only just recovered from when he told them last time. I think they will be different this time.
What shall I do?
We had just been away on hol and we had a great time. I had started to believe we were going to be ok.

treedelivery Sat 18-Jul-09 18:35:21

Oh no sad

Well, I'm hardcore I'm afraid. Maybe that's because nothing of this sort has ever happened to me so I have no idea what my real reaction would be.

My imagined reaction would locks changed, bank account emptied, any joint credit cards cancelled, and dc's - I'd probably try to keep them busy or even have them visit nanna or something until the dust settled. I am not sure on that one.

What you should do is await some sensible posts that will be along shortly.

Am so sorry for you and your dcs.

poshwellies Sat 18-Jul-09 18:36:02

What do you want to do?

I would be packing his bags ready for his arrival home on monday.

GossipMonger Sat 18-Jul-09 18:39:45

How did you discover that he is seeing her again?

Are you 100% sure?

He would be out on his ear if it was me. He would only humiliate me once.

Clear the bank account as you will need it and spend tomorrow sorting out paperwork/passports so that you have everything you need.

do you still want him?

More difficult if you do.

3cutedarlings Sat 18-Jul-09 18:40:33

I totally agree with treedelivery and poshwellies - i would be packing his stuff .

Unless your willing to have an open relationship together i dont see what other option you have, sorry xx

Coper Sat 18-Jul-09 18:49:46

I did want him, I still do really but he's lied too many times.
He's definately with her. His car has been outside her house for about 5 hours now.
I want him to feel as guilty as hell. I want to be in a new house with my children and to make it as easy for them as possible. I don't want it to be nasty. He knows I have been very forgiving and have tried to move on.
How do I find a good solicitor?
What do I do if he rings me? He probably will as it's all part of the act of trying to prove he's being open and honest with me.

critterjitter Sat 18-Jul-09 18:54:30

Why not ring him right now if his car is outside her house? Be really pleasant. Ask him how he's getting on, tell him what you're up to and ask him what he's up to. Then you'll be able to hear him lying and it still stop you ever feeling that you ever really want him.

I'm so sorry he's like this. Sounds like a complete...........

3cutedarlings Sat 18-Jul-09 18:58:54

Yes id ring him (not to have it out) that way you wont be caught off guard and you can plan what you want to say.

How on earth have you managed to stop yourself from beating her door down?

BecauseImWorthIt Sat 18-Jul-09 19:00:13

Where is he supposed to be? Doesn't sound like he's trying to hide it much if he's left his car outside OW's house. Does he want you to find out?

Agree with the others. Sort out your money now and all your important stuff and then as soon as you can get him out. YOu and your children deserve to be treated better than this.

treedelivery Sat 18-Jul-09 19:01:28

He's not making much of an effort if he's parking right outside is he?

Blimey. It would be easier for the kids if you stay in their home I think? I don't know really, depends on their ages. Lots less for you to do as well.

Hassled Sat 18-Jul-09 19:03:35

I think you need to continue to say nothing and carry on as if everything's roses until you have it clear in your mind what you want to happen next. Go and see a solicitor (Yellow Pages - ring around Monday morning and see who does a free half hour), get some idea of where you'd be re money/house etc., and get your thoughts together.

You sound very dignified in all this - don't blow it with some hasty reaction you may regret. The DCs will bounce back as long as you're consistent with them and they have the security you can give them - but better they find out when you are in a position to tell them what will happen next.

Coper Sat 18-Jul-09 19:05:33

She lives about 2 hours away from me. I tracked the car. I had to know the truth. I wanted it to be that he was telling the truth but at least I know now. They're on the move. I'm watching where they are going now.
I'm certain he doesn't want me to know. He likes things just as they are. A happy family and a woman who makes him feel he's gods gift.

WhenwillIfeelnormal Sat 18-Jul-09 19:06:31

I would call a trusted friend (don't need to give details) and dress up to the nines. I'd then park nowhere near the house and knock on the door. I would then say:

" Don't bother coming home, I've changed the locks. See you in the divorce courts" and to her, I'd say:

"You're more than welcome to him. Perhaps you'd like to arrange to collect his stash of ladyboy porn?"

Then go home and howl all you need to.

I'm SO sorry. No-one deserves this shit. Tell us how you know what he's up to this time and we will try to help. Bastard.

WhenwillIfeelnormal Sat 18-Jul-09 19:08:24

Grand entrance at the destination then?

Coper Sat 18-Jul-09 19:09:56

I don't think I should ring him. I'm feeling very composed and am trying to look at the positives. I'm hoping I can stay like this. In the past I was a wreck. I felt my life would be crap without him. At the moment I feel strong and can see what a bastard he really is to me. I'm scared if I ring I might blurt out what I know. He really has learnt how to lie without showing any signs. I almost believed him. I just had a niggling feeling hence the tracker.

critterjitter Sat 18-Jul-09 19:17:10

So how do trackers work then? You just go and buy one and stick it on the car and then watch the car move about? Hadn't realised they were so easy to get hold of!

dizzydixies Sat 18-Jul-09 19:17:22

how did you track it? you sound as if you're doing fantastically well, where has he told you he is?

BeastQuest Sat 18-Jul-09 19:23:30

omg did oyu use those women in the times?

BeastQuest Sat 18-Jul-09 19:25:26


Coper Sat 18-Jul-09 19:26:35

Yes it is simple. Hid it in the car and can now watch online. I sat watching this morning and kept hoping he was going where he said.
He told me he was going to a music festival with his mates. (he is 45 and thinks he's 25) It's strange I don't want to be mean about him. Bloody hell help me to hate him.

PlumBumMum Sat 18-Jul-09 19:27:17

Okay so you have a tracker on the car, do you really want to continue your life like that?
My gut instinct says ring him and tell him not to come back but definitely sort your money out first!

PlumBumMum Sat 18-Jul-09 19:28:33

what age are your dcs?

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sat 18-Jul-09 19:31:43

I would take out some money.

I would decide who I am going to have to talk too and phone them to ask for support.

I wouldn't tell the kids yet or move house.

I wouldn't waste energy trying to hate him tbh. I would remember he has cheated before, is back with her and has such little respect for you that he has planned this, lied about it and has walked out on his kids as well.

He appears he doesn't want to be with you full time or them.

Stay strong.

Coper Sat 18-Jul-09 19:32:28

No I did it myself but having read that article you mentioned at least I know it's legal. I was a bit worried that I would end up being in trouble.

Coper Sat 18-Jul-09 19:34:53

I can't hate him. But I need the strength to be able to leave him.

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