I'm honestly at a loss and am desperate for some advice. I have been with my husband since I was 17, so over 13 years. We have been married for 3 and a half, we have a daughter who is nearly 2. Everything is horrid.
We are both fiery characters and have always argued. After we got married things deteriorated. I had a difficult upbringing, with alcoholic parents, who were physically and verbally abusive towards each other. As a kid I dreaded weekends. I have struggled with depression, anxiety and low self esteem, and will admit I am not the easiest person to live with.
He started to call me names, like delusional and pathetic during arguments after we married. Things got even worse when I was pregnant. He had no patience with me and got cross when I struggled to eat (he cooks) all the way through my pregnancy and had little or no energy.
But things really took a turn when I had our daughter. The name calling turned to fing bitch, dick and finally cnt, sometimes in front of our daughter. I know a word is just a word, but I also know him well enough to know his feelings on the word. He despises it and for most of our relationship, wouldn't have uttered it. He calls me a liar, he blames all our issues on my hormones, and he has refused to go to relate despite me suggesting it several times, and saying I felt it was the only way forward for our relationship.
I have looked at the feasibility of leaving, but then we will have a good few days, and my resolve, if I ever had any, disappears. He blames all our issues on having a child. And although I know he adores our daughter, I believe he resents me for the change she has brought to our lives. He even suggested recently that I forced him into having children, something I vehemently disagree with.
I am less than perfect and worry that the issues in our relationship are all in my head. Or that I am the cause. I can't see a way forward. I am now at the point where I don't want him to touch me. We have talked and he has said I make him miserable all the time.
Has anyone managed to rescue their marriage from a situation like this. Having been in a volatile and toxic environment when growing up, I am not at all of the opinion that staying together for the kids is the best thing all the time, however I have grown up with this man, loved him, adored him, had a child with him, spent nearly half my life with him, and just can't face throwing that away.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Can I save my marriage?
HGranger · 11/12/2019 21:59
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