I'm honestly at a loss and am desperate for some advice. I have been with my husband since I was 17, so over 13 years. We have been married for 3 and a half, we have a daughter who is nearly 2. Everything is horrid.
We are both fiery characters and have always argued. After we got married things deteriorated. I had a difficult upbringing, with alcoholic parents, who were physically and verbally abusive towards each other. As a kid I dreaded weekends. I have struggled with depression, anxiety and low self esteem, and will admit I am not the easiest person to live with.
He started to call me names, like delusional and pathetic during arguments after we married. Things got even worse when I was pregnant. He had no patience with me and got cross when I struggled to eat (he cooks) all the way through my pregnancy and had little or no energy.
But things really took a turn when I had our daughter. The name calling turned to fing bitch, dick and finally cnt, sometimes in front of our daughter. I know a word is just a word, but I also know him well enough to know his feelings on the word. He despises it and for most of our relationship, wouldn't have uttered it. He calls me a liar, he blames all our issues on my hormones, and he has refused to go to relate despite me suggesting it several times, and saying I felt it was the only way forward for our relationship.
I have looked at the feasibility of leaving, but then we will have a good few days, and my resolve, if I ever had any, disappears. He blames all our issues on having a child. And although I know he adores our daughter, I believe he resents me for the change she has brought to our lives. He even suggested recently that I forced him into having children, something I vehemently disagree with.
I am less than perfect and worry that the issues in our relationship are all in my head. Or that I am the cause. I can't see a way forward. I am now at the point where I don't want him to touch me. We have talked and he has said I make him miserable all the time.
Has anyone managed to rescue their marriage from a situation like this. Having been in a volatile and toxic environment when growing up, I am not at all of the opinion that staying together for the kids is the best thing all the time, however I have grown up with this man, loved him, adored him, had a child with him, spent nearly half my life with him, and just can't face throwing that away.