Posted last week about my husband admitting an affair, he says it wasn't sexual but I refused to hear anymore.
Betrayal is betrayal in my eyes.
It's only been a week but I think I'm having some form of breakdown.
He said he has feelings for her and those words have been on a loop for a week in my head.
I can't sleep, haven't eaten can't concentrate.
He's gone completely AWOL also, left his car, phone and clothes and just left.
He's been abusive both physically and mentally in the past and my gut was telling me for years he would hurt me again.
I must be absolute shit and totally worthless if he can do this.
He was meeting her during work time, catching up on his work in the evening and I was feeling desperately sorry for him as he was so stressed.
Me and the kids would go over and above trying to make his home life easy because we were so worried, he's been having panic attacks recently and I rushed him to the hospital 3 weeks ago as he couldn't breathe.
He went to the dr last month for anxiety and depression and he's suffered erectile disfunction for a couple of months (guilt?)
He also told me numerous times the last few months that he would never have an affair, he loved me and would always be there for me.
(Justification for an emotional affair)
I've spent a week in shock, I'm not jealous or have the need to know any details, think that's the shock but I really don't care.
I can't barely stand up because when I do I feel dizzy. I can't function. I have no one in real life who can support me.
I need to be practical I have 2 kids.
I want to cry until I fall asleep but I can't even cry.
I feel like someone has taken my life away. Someone has stolen my future.
I'm frightened, utterly terrified and I don't know how to even attempt to get through this.
I would like to fall asleep and never wake up.
I never ever ever thought he could do this.
This has been such a bad couple of years for me. This feels like the
Final nail in the coffin.
This morning i was changing my
Underwear and my daughter walked in to my bedroom, she's 22 and she said "turn and look in the mirror at yourself" she said your pants are horrible and covered in bleach and are 5 years old. She said it's because I look after everyone else and don't take any care in myself.
Is this why he's cheated?
I hate myself.
I don't know what to do.
I'm going to use this thread as my diary. If I survive I'm going to read this in one years time and hopefully look back and thing who was that weak person.
I loved him so much.
Sorry for my ramble.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Husbands affair
dancemusicsexromance · 08/08/2019 04:44
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.