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Looking for advice, broken :(

(47 Posts)
user1495631929 Wed 24-May-17 14:32:04

Hi, ladies!
I'm in a tricky situation and I'm looking for some girl/girl advice. My ex and I broke up a while ago and we have two children together. I never stopped loving him and even though we aren't together we have still been seeing each other (stupid of me I know) the silly things we do when we love someone so much! Anyway as it stands now, I'm currently pregnant with out third baby and although he's not happy about it he's supportive and he came to the scan last week. He's now started seeing someone else, 6 weeks ago this started and he's only just told her that I'm pregnant. She's 'hurt' but wants to stay put to 'see what happens' between them. I feel like the 3rd wheel now. I feel like the second we started getting closer someone came along and now it's just seems to me that he doesn't care for me at all. He's not in a relationship with this other girl. Just sleeping with her at the moment really. I'd love to be with him and just be a family but I feel it's never going to happen. I didn't expect him to get back with me just because I'm pregnant and nor would I want him to. I want him to be with me because he WANTS to not because he HAS to. I think my rant is over, this is a lot of information to read and that's not even half of it but any advice guys???

Adora10 Wed 24-May-17 14:35:57

Sorry OP, if he wanted the full package with you he'd not even want to have sex with a another woman so I'd advise you to move on, stop sleeping with him and concentrate on baby and your own future.

You say he's sleeping with her but they are not an item, you sure about that.

category12 Wed 24-May-17 14:39:47

Well, if he wanted to be with you, he would be. He is seeing someone else.

Are you still sleeping with him? Are you using protection (I know the baby has bolted, but what about STI's?) Does his girlfriend know you're still sleeping together, if you are?

My advice is to stop seeing him apart from when you hand-over the dc for contact, and keep conversation to the dc only, and work on detaching emotionally from this man, who is having his cake and eating it.

Changedname3456 Wed 24-May-17 14:40:24

I think it's the fact he told her you were pregnant and wanted to be "honest" with her that probably suggests he has feelings beyond just wanting sex with her.

Had you discussed anything with him about making the relationship you had back into something more like a partnership? Is he aware that your feelings go deeper than just sex? I assume yes, but it's sometimes surprising what people don't say to each other!

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Wed 24-May-17 14:44:29

Take a step back and leave them to it. . I doubt she will stick around a man who will be all excited about his new dc /a man who hopefully will be financially supporting his 3dc /who will be visiting them as contact with a newborn will have to be with you if you are bf I would assume? Get checked out for sti and stop shagging him for your own mh!!

MissCookiee Wed 24-May-17 14:44:51

I've changed my username but I'm the original poster of this thread. He's always been honest with me about other girls so I know it's just sex with this girl and nothing more. She doesn't know I still sleep with him no. He doesn't want an actual relationship just wants to 'have fun' and not settle down with anyone. He kept the pregnancy from her until Sunday and he knew I was pregnant before he started seeing her. I always thought we had something special deep down. That we just can't stay away from each other. As bad as is sounds I don't drop the children off to him. I stay there too. I'm my eyes we may aswel be a couple as we still are except from the status of a relationship

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Wed 24-May-17 14:47:25

He won't stop sleeping around while you enable him to do so. .
Being pregnant doesn't stop you having self respect. .
Change the situation for your dc and yourself. Why would he change it??

Underthemoonlight Wed 24-May-17 14:51:10

You are being royally mugged off here, was the baby planned? He wants to have his cake sleep with you but also other people, why sell yourself so short? Don't be too surprised if this other girl gets pregnant

MissCookiee Wed 24-May-17 14:59:00

This other girl is a model and she's adamant she doesn't want children and he's had to use protection with her until she goes on something so I don't have to worry about that. The hardest thing to do is leave when you love someone so much. Love really hurts doesn't it. Our dcs including the one I'm carrying are the most important thing and I just hope he remembers that and this other girl can accept that she'll always be second best to them if they do become serious. Nothing might ever happen between them, it's only been 6 weeks that they have been seeing each other but you just never know I guess. Thank you for the advice ladies. Now how to heal a broken heart?

Adora10 Wed 24-May-17 15:06:38

That is awful, he's leading you both a merry dance and stroking his ego with free and easy sex, sorry OP but you really need to stop allowing him to use you like this.

I'd not believe a word he says about his fWB, more like his girlfriend.

Adora10 Wed 24-May-17 15:07:39

And you are using the fact you have kids together to win him back; he's really no prize by what you write.

user1488270932 Wed 24-May-17 15:08:21

By sounds of it you are intent on hanging around for scraps off him as soon as hes bored with this other girl.

2 words. Self respect.
Seriously . If he really wanted to be with you as a proper family he wouldn't be shagging about.
And as for him not being happy about pregnancy, really?? Ffs. Could have put a rain jacket on.
I know I probably sound harsh but this should be a reality check that he doesn't want a future with you. He wants his cake. Fuck him off.

Adora10 Wed 24-May-17 15:09:29

He probably seems more appealing to you also due to the fact he's shagging someone else and you are carrying his child; take yourself out that equation and you might see him for the user that he actually is.

user1488270932 Wed 24-May-17 15:09:54

You deserve better.

Do not settle for this fuck wit. Nothing but heartache.

category12 Wed 24-May-17 15:13:05


nachogazpacho Wed 24-May-17 15:16:47

You can't make him respect you or anyone else, including your dc. He's not just messing you around, he's messing his dc around by dipping in and out of your family life. You and your dc need much better than this. I would take a break from all men and concentrate on you and your dc. This man had proved he is not able to have a stable relationship so leave him to it and carry on. It must be hard with the pregnancy but you cannot change his personality.

SherlockStones Wed 24-May-17 15:35:14

Why is he getting flak here? They broke up and are still sleeping together which is her choice as well as his and he has been honest with both women in saying he is seeing more than one person. Am I missing something?

Don't fault him because you were hoping tit would end with rainbows, the OP is just as accountable.

MissCookiee Wed 24-May-17 15:46:11

Trust me when I say I'm not perfect, I'm aware that sleeping with him is wrong but at the same time I love being close to him. Forget the sex for a minute, I love that we still do stuff as a family, he looks after me and our dc financially and he's supportive to me throughout this pregnancy. Even just being in his company makes me feel happy. He just doesn't want to settle down and I get that. I'm not going to force him. I can't stop him from sleeping around. I doubt it would work between him and her anyway because she's already paranoid about me tagging him on fb with stuff so she deleted him off hers so how is she going to act when the baby comes and I will be staying with him regardless of whether they become serious or not when the baby comes. I know like I said that I'm wrong in what I'm doing though. Not trying to make excuses for myself. Just feel stuck that's all

Adora10 Wed 24-May-17 15:56:01

He's getting flak because any decent human being would not be stringing along a pregnant wife whilst getting his rocks off on alternative nights; no technically he is doing nothing wrong, morally and out of pure decency to his wife and kids would be not to shag the two at the same time but I guess he's loving the attention.

Sorry OP, he made 3 children so he should support them, but late to want the single life now is it not, it's a reflection of him though and you are mad if you think any good will come of this; he wants the single life with you on the side.

Isetan Wed 24-May-17 17:11:39

Seriously, you need to accept that he doesn't want what you want. You are a convenient shag and someone to play happy families when it suits. You're stuck because you have chosen not to move on, you can either choose to unstick yourself or, pay the emotional price for hanging on to man who's just not into you.

This isn't rocket science.

SandyY2K Wed 24-May-17 17:18:46

He who cares the least has the most power.

MissCookiee Wed 24-May-17 17:20:27

He who cares the least has the most power.

Very wise words smile

AhYerWill Wed 24-May-17 17:36:54

What kind of example are you setting for your dcs? You're teaching them to put up with shitty behaviour and setting them up to accept the same treatment in their relationships when they grow up.

Even if you think you don't deserve to be treated any better, please remember that your kids are watching everything you do and will repeat this as they grow up. Do you really want them being dicked about by selfish users and getting their hearts broken over and over? Or are you going to choose a better life for both you and them?

Teach them to to have good boundaries, to value themselves and most importantly that love isn't letting yourself be used and abused by a selfish manchild that can't keep his dick to himself.

OlennasWimple Wed 24-May-17 17:39:03

Poor DCs

MissCookiee Wed 24-May-17 17:44:03

The dc are none the wiser. They see that their parents get on really well which I think is important in their lives. We don't argue in front of them and they don't know anything about another woman. They just see a family with a mum and dad who love them very much

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