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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I cant cope

129 replies

Itsnotmyday · 28/04/2017 08:09

Exdp left me around 2 months ago, saying we wanted different things. He left me devestated. We dont have any kids together. Since then he has said he has been seeing other people, then said he has mad it up to hurt me, then he has said he has slept with someone else, then said he has lied to hurt me. This has been continuas. In between we had tried to rebuild our relationship. I told him so many times to leave me alone but he never could, said he couldnt let go. It all come to a head other day when he said that he had met someone else, she is complete oppsisite to me and its made him realise what he wants and he hasnt been this happy in ages. Yesterday i caught him twice driving past my house but i never messaged him. I got a phone call saying he has sti. He kept ringing me sayingHe said he needed to come round to talk to me. So i let him round. He said he is in a relationship with someone else and to let him go. I hadnt messaged him so i couldnt understand him saying that. Said he needed to know if o was seeing someone else (im not). Then said he was lying about the sti. He got emotional saying his head was a mess. I told him to delete my number and he left. Im so confused about this. I had left him alone, it was him who wouldnt leave me alone. Even though he is so happy with someone else. Everything is a mess and the worst thing about it all is i still love him

OP posts:

Report

Changedname3456 · 28/04/2017 08:20

You did the right thing. Just keep yourself busy and ignore any more attempts by him to contact you. You'll forget him soon.

Yoksha · 28/04/2017 08:24

He's a manipulative, controlling twattish mindfuck. I'm angry on your behalf reading your OP.

Tell him to FUCK OFF.

Itsnotmyday · 28/04/2017 08:24

I have tried. I dont know if it hurts more when he does or doesnt contact me. He has been so hurtful and almost manipluative? He has wore me down to the point i dont know who i am anymore. He hurt me so bad when he left but everything that has happended since has made me feel worse. He told me he was out with his new girlfriend saturday drinking cocktails but he messaged me that night saying he couldnt move on. My heads a mess. Im so confused.

OP posts:

Itsnotmyday · 28/04/2017 08:25

I have done, so many times. But then he gets back in contact. And then tells me to let him go? I dont understand it

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Itsnotmyday · 28/04/2017 08:29

He also said he drove past my house because if he saw someone with me he would smash their face in. But yet he van be in a relationship with someone else? So he can move on but i cant??

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Penfold007 · 28/04/2017 08:30

Stop enabling his behaviour. Disengage, block his number, email etc. Obviously you now need an STI check but he doesn't need to know the result or even that you've been checked out.

Itsnotmyday · 28/04/2017 08:32

Yeah im already planning on going after the bank holiday. Why make something like that up? Its so cruel

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Costacoffeeplease · 28/04/2017 08:34

Why haven't you blocked this twat?

Ignore, ignore, ignore - just like when a toddler has a tantrum

Itsnotmyday · 28/04/2017 08:35

Why did he feel the need to tell me all the details about his new relationship. Why does he want to hurt me so bad?

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Itsnotmyday · 28/04/2017 08:36

I know i havent helped myself by not blocking him sooner, i just couldnt bring myself to do it. I know i sound so pathetic

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hellsbellsmelons · 28/04/2017 08:40

Because he's a fucking cunt! (and I rarely use that word)
Simple really!
Stop over analysing.
This guy is a manipulative asshole and you responding is feeding the monster.
Block him from everything.
His phone, all apps, all social media.
It's the only way to move on.
Keep busy.
Get family and friends around you for support.
You've had a lucky escape here.
You won't realise it yet but you really have.

Garlicansapphire · 28/04/2017 08:44

Dear OP. This man is toxic, cruel, manipulative and a mind fuck. There is no point trying to understand his motivations or behaviour. They make no sense other than being exceptionally cruel and deceitful.

Just block, block, block him. Don't answer the phone to him or let him come round. It doesnt matter what he is doing, who he is with. Do not respond or take any notice of his life. You need to build your own life now without him. And it will be a far better life for it. You do not need this poison in your life. You need to get as far as possible away from it, Move on. He will drive you crazy.

donajimena · 28/04/2017 08:46

Its easy to block someone you know! This isn't a healthy relationship

Itsnotmyday · 28/04/2017 08:49

Deep down i didnt want him to move on, it really hurts that he has because i havent

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Hermonie2016 · 28/04/2017 08:56

You need time away from him to see this behaviour as so unhealthy.

He's threatening, jealous and manipulative.Not sure why you would not run a mile.I think you need to recognise he is toxic but I suspect you prefer any toxic contact rather than no contact.

Healthy relationships are not like this.You may need to do some work on yourself so that you can see his behaviour for what it is.You deserve better.

SparklyMagpie · 28/04/2017 09:35

First things first, get booked in for a full STI check, I couldn't trust that prick

So sorry for you OP I know how it feels but it's not worth wasting any of your time on that pathetic excuse of a "man"

SparklyMagpie · 28/04/2017 09:36

Apologies ( on the phone to Vodafone making a complaint) so only skim read, I see you've already been advised to go for a check. Glad you have that planned op xx

Itsnotmyday · 28/04/2017 09:40

I know your all right but i just cant seem to let go. I literally want to beg him (i wont). I feel so lonely and its not fair he can move on and be so happy

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SparklyMagpie · 28/04/2017 09:47

Do you have children? I understand how you're feeling x

Itsnotmyday · 28/04/2017 09:47

I do not to him though

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Itsnotmyday · 28/04/2017 10:05

How do i let go?

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Hermonie2016 · 28/04/2017 10:12

Time really does help.Once you stop contact the spell starts to lift.You will know that you can live without him and even be happy.

I think you have to really believe you deserve better..make that your mantra.Plan something's as being active will help you to stop obsessing.Use YouTube for mediation and life coaching.

How old are your dc?

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PaleBluePigeon · 28/04/2017 10:22

There's nothing to be confused about - it's a big, bright clear shining ball of clarity that he's a bellend and you are better of without him.

Shut it down.

NarcsBegone · 28/04/2017 10:28

I've been where you are. Yesterday I was thinking about it all and how I couldn't just let go or call a halt to it all, I kept blocking then un blocking, I felt I would never get over it. But here I am several years down the line completely over it, 100% and wondering why the hell I let it all go on as long as it did. When I think of him now I realise what a twat he was and feel a bit sorry for him tbh as he's not ever going to change. Some things just need time but in order for that to start doing it's thing you have to make a change otherwise this will go on and on. I would block text, calls, emails. If he continues to drive by report to police. Then grieve and let time do the rest

Itsnotmyday · 28/04/2017 10:39

Everytime i try to let go i just cant. I cant do it and i dont know why. Whats wrong with me

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