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Child Maintenance and mean narc EXh - what did you do? Share you advice please

(37 Posts)
Teabay Thu 02-Feb-17 13:00:34

Hi,
Please advise me & share your stories of the CMS / child maintenance.
Divorced fuckwit tight as a knat's whatsits exh last November. Lived separately since last Easter. Two DC in primary school. At mediation in Dec he was told he MUST pay cm, and solicitor worked it out there and then based on his salary as £240.
Following my phone calls chasing it early Jan he suggested paying £175, I just laughed & said no way. He said if it were less than recommended he'd contribute to school & activity costs. I insisted minimum £50 pw, & he finally paid first payment in mid Jan.
Nothing on Feb 1st. I've asked him for contribution for two trips & two activities but yesterday he outright refused. So I said ok, I'll use CMS.
Today I get a txt saying he'll pay what mediation recommended after all, but not appeared in my account yet.
Your advice? Is CMS a good thing or a nightmare? I'm suspicious that he will have a salary increase and I'll never know (that's if he told the mediator the truth in the first place - he is a liar).
Thank you!!stargin

Fidelia Thu 02-Feb-17 13:12:42

I'd use the CMS. The less contact you have to have with a narc, the better. And using the CMS means that they're the people he has to deal with, not you. Plus if he fails to pay, they'll make him pay the arrears.

Teabay Thu 02-Feb-17 13:19:20

Sounds eminently preferable to dealing with him myself and hearing the condescention as he "offers" money....
I know he's deep in the anger that I Must Pay for choosing to leave him.
Are there downsides to using the CMS?

Fidelia Thu 02-Feb-17 13:28:21

You'd get 5% less than if you did it without them, but as he's not paying properly anyway, it sounds like it'd be worth it! And they contact HMRC for info, so can get his real figures if he's salaried.

The only couple of worries about the CMS are:

- If he's self employed it's easy for him to manipulate the figures so that you get hardly anything

- He could quit his job

- It can take a while for the process to go through

BantyCustards Thu 02-Feb-17 13:42:45

He's using this as another method to reel you in.

Hand the issue over to the CMS and have done with it.

Teabay Thu 02-Feb-17 13:44:44


wine Banty

Yes this x

fuzzywuzzy Thu 02-Feb-17 13:47:11

CMS all the way.

If you have suffered dv they waive the setting up fee if £10 (I think it was).

The first phonecall to set up your case takes a while as it's long, and keep a pen and pad handy to take notes of passwords etc you've set up.

After that it's v straight forward and you chase them if there's late payments.

They have a lot more clout than you do as they can send bailiffs to your non lying ex if he refuses to pay.

And bonus you do not have to have any discussion with your arse of an ex about it. He has no control over you!

fuzzywuzzy Thu 02-Feb-17 13:48:25

Non complying not lying

LemonSqueezy0 Thu 02-Feb-17 13:56:30

It's £20 to set it up and it's only an additional fee if he refuses to pay. They'd work out an amount and send you both the payment to schedule. It's only at that stage, If he refused to pay it would cost him a 20% fee and you'd lose 4%. If you're getting nothing now, you can't lose by going to cms. Just expect him not to pay a penny more- but it sounds like he never would pay 'extra' anyway.

Fidelia Thu 02-Feb-17 14:00:52

Oops, sorry that my info was wrong. We're CSA, although about to be transferred over...

BackToBasics1808 Thu 02-Feb-17 15:43:43

definitely go down the CMS route!
I had the same with my ExH - would pay late, he would change the amount without speaking to me etc
In the end I set it all up and now I get a text every month to say they have received it and when it will be in my bank. Once a year I get a letter to say what payments are to be made each month and that's it
Funnily enough its more than I had agreed to accept when we were doing it between us
Don't forget to include bonus' in the make up of the claim if he gets them - he tried to lie and say he didn't get them so they made him send his payslips in from the last 12 months and they took it as an average wage over the year including bonus

Teabay Thu 02-Feb-17 16:16:55

Backto basics
That's a great help, thank you!!

Teabay Thu 02-Feb-17 16:18:55

Lemon. Fuzzy. Fidelia

You are right - he'll use it for control and vary the payment day.

I think it's a phonecall tonight - even if I get less from CMS (unlikely) at least it'll be regular and I can budget for it.

Oh, and not have to speak to him!

StrongerThanIThought76 Thu 02-Feb-17 17:09:25

Complete narc ex here as well, we've just transferred onto CMS from CSA. Apart from 6 week handover period (which means the bastard isn't paying a penny for feb) it is COMPLETELY out of his control. Full and proper assessment of income direct from HMRC figures, quick phone call to check for overnights (2 visits a year here) then they write with payment amounts. £20 set up fee if you can arrange payments between you or it'll cost him 20% more if he screws up and you push for collect and pay. Plus annual review.

Absolute no brainer in my case.

Teabay Thu 02-Feb-17 18:08:19

Thank you Stronger - your post is affirming x

FeelTheNoise Thu 02-Feb-17 18:35:54

I've just spoken to them today!
If you use collect and pay you'll lose 4% and he'll pay an extra 20%, but any non payment means they'll chase him straight away. He'll have the option to use direct pay, but any nonsense and it'll go to collect and pay, there are no second chances.
With direct pay he gets your account details and if there are any problems, you have to ask CMS to step in and enforcement action can take place.
If there has been DV you can get the start up fee waived.
Calculations are taken directly from HMRC, so there's no dicking around with payslips, and that is reassessed annually.

Putting this next bit in capitals for the attention of anyone who may need it:
ANYONE WHO HAS MOVED TO A SECRET LOCATION OR CHANGED THEIR NAME: if your ex chooses the direct payment option he'll have access to your bank details, so if you have set up an account in a new location under your new name, he will have that information

kittybiscuits Thu 02-Feb-17 19:24:12

You only pay the 4% fee if they have to collect it from him because he won't pay properly. In which case they will charge him an additional 20%. Most people manage to work out themselves that that is not a clever way to proceed and they pay up.

donners312 Thu 02-Feb-17 20:24:11

I believe they will set up a non geographical bank account if they are not to know where you live etc

redannie118 Thu 02-Feb-17 21:01:23

Hi I work for CMS. Yes you can go down non geographical sort code or even better open a online only account (there's loads) and they are completely untraceable. The account does not need to be in your name if you've changed it and can be in your child's name or even a friend or family member. You can even use PayPal.

Teabay Thu 02-Feb-17 21:56:43

Thank you everyone - this advice is invaluable!

jeaux90 Thu 02-Feb-17 22:01:08

Yep the least contact the better with a narc. CMS

Teabay Fri 03-Feb-17 07:37:09

Thanks Jeaux90 (great name): I know you get it!
One day I'll have reset my brain to NEVER expect reasonableness....
grin

Teabay Fri 03-Feb-17 19:36:30

Update - thanks to all your advice I phoned up the CMS today and registered my claim shopped the lying bastard.

So let the fireworks begin!!

Thank you again - flowers for all of you.

FeelTheNoise Fri 03-Feb-17 22:08:33

Good for you, it's too easy to be intimidated out of claiming what's rightfully is owed to our DC

BantyCustards Sat 04-Feb-17 12:09:51

Excellent news, Tea.

Best thing to do - the more you take the control out of his hands, the more you disengage, the better.

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