Child Maintenance and mean narc EXh - what did you do? Share you advice please

[Teabay]

Hi,
Please advise me & share your stories of the CMS / child maintenance.
Divorced fuckwit tight as a knat's whatsits exh last November. Lived separately since last Easter. Two DC in primary school. At mediation in Dec he was told he MUST pay cm, and solicitor worked it out there and then based on his salary as £240.
Following my phone calls chasing it early Jan he suggested paying £175, I just laughed & said no way. He said if it were less than recommended he'd contribute to school & activity costs. I insisted minimum £50 pw, & he finally paid first payment in mid Jan.
Nothing on Feb 1st. I've asked him for contribution for two trips & two activities but yesterday he outright refused. So I said ok, I'll use CMS.
Today I get a txt saying he'll pay what mediation recommended after all, but not appeared in my account yet.
Your advice? Is CMS a good thing or a nightmare? I'm suspicious that he will have a salary increase and I'll never know (that's if he told the mediator the truth in the first place - he is a liar).
Thank you!!

So glad you've done this, I hope the backlash isn't too bad!!!

Is he bothering with contact?

Well he's switched from "I'm going for full custody, you won't get them" (early 2016) to "I want 50/50 - I'm not going to be a weekend dad" (Sept) to EOW (every other weekend) to last Sun - they're supposed to be with him 2:30-6:30 and I got a txt at 12 saying "I won't be in until half four, drop them then".....

So it's fading a bit. I think the reality of homework, clean uniform, music practice, baths and vegetables has put him off a bit.

He just doesn't want to to 'pay' me to do it x

And also I laid MENSTRUATION on really thick, "have you bought towels and Tampax for her? A toiletry bag? Are there bins in both toilets? Have you told her not to worry if her period starts IN HER BED?!?"

Ha ha tea brilliant bit of strategy

With narcs just give them the rope and they will hang themselves. Mine now has no contact at all. It usually withers real quick once they find a new "source" and they work out they can't control you.

Remember that the person who cares least has the most power with them in particular. This is why the limited contact and no emotion will work for you.

Well done you for being so super strong x

I've no idea but just wanted to add a voice of congratulations for getting away from the narc and hope with the great advice here you have a great future

Well I wouldn't be doing the dropping off...

So glad he can't be bothered so quickly, your DD is probably better off with as little possible contact with him

What an utterly prefictable retreat from his initial threats (I'm under a different name on the 'other' thread)

How miserably predictable they are...

I wouldn't drop off either. I would reply 'might be less hassle for you if you just Skype them sometime'

kittybiscuits
I only drop off so that he NEVER comes to my new house. Yes, it's hard to sit outside the family home I paid for and lived in, but that feeling is left on the driveway as I speed off with my laughing children in MY new car to MY new home.

Bravo that feeling of freedom will carry you a long way xxx

well done OP..IF he raises money now you can simply refer him to CMS.

My CSA was transfered over this month. .He agreed to Direct payment though it is only £7 a week anyway so not much additional cost. I was told he could refuse if he wanted but hasn't. Shall see what happens with payments.