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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Fallen out the the in laws. Well f I l to be precise. I feel sick. It is gorrid

131 replies

StrumpersPlunkett · 19/09/2016 22:34

I have no recollection of events but FIL called tonight to say that due to my spiteful and unkind behaviour he hasn't slept for a month and they will not be coming to stay ever again.
They will see the grandchildren and dh but he will no longer see me.

Now I have had issues with him but I suck it up and whinge on here or to friends. I am the most fucking hospitable daughter in law he could hope to find.

Dh is distraught but totally backing me to his dad saying that it sounds like he is talking about a different person but good lord FIL is sticking to his guns.

Dh is an only child we live his mum and dad no matter that they have frustrating habits and gave no idea how to get through this.
Any tips greatly recieved. Really don't want things to get worse. Only to heal and her better.

OP posts:

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StrumpersPlunkett · 19/09/2016 22:35

Love his mum and dad not live

OP posts:

Mycatsabastard · 19/09/2016 22:37

Does his dad have memory problems or something? Surely he has specified what it is you are supposed to have done/said? If not then maybe he's mixing you with someone else.

Regardless, I'd want to say you either see us all or none of us.

SoleBizzz · 19/09/2016 22:37

What does he say you have done? X

Mybeardeddragonjustdied2016 · 19/09/2016 22:37

Sounds like he has mh issues and its not really you that is his problem - glad your dh is standing by you. I wouldn't be happy my kids were spending time with someone who had such little regard for me tho.

MaryMargaret · 19/09/2016 22:37

I think that sounds a bit manipulative tbh. Do they have form for things being 'all about them'?

StrumpersPlunkett · 19/09/2016 22:44

It isn't mil at all he has said I waited till she was out of the room and ran across the kitchen sat really close to him and with a spiteful look told him to get out of my kitchen.
He said that was one example and he had many !

OP posts:

Chippednailvarnishing · 19/09/2016 22:46

If it's clearly bullshit why are you entertaining it?

StrumpersPlunkett · 19/09/2016 22:46

He is 76 years old and young and sprightly travels alit no known health issues.
I have apologised that he is upset through something he feels I have done but asked him to really think about whether I am spiteful and unkind to which he replied "yes"

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StrumpersPlunkett · 19/09/2016 22:48

Chipping because it has to be about something. Even if the event is fabricated. We have a great working relationship as I said there are issues but it has never been anything but annoyance factor.

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gratesnakes · 19/09/2016 22:50

Do you think he has dementia?

lazydog · 19/09/2016 22:50

Sounds like the onset of dementia to me.

lazydog · 19/09/2016 22:51

x-posted with gratesnakes

Hockeydude · 19/09/2016 22:51

If someone said they wouldn't see me but they would see my children, my answer would be no, you fucking won't.

PikachuSayBoo · 19/09/2016 22:54

Have you spoken to MIL to see if she's noticed any odd behaviour from your fil? Or to ask of she agrees with him?

DoreenLethal · 19/09/2016 22:57

Well Did you run across the kitchen and tell him to get out?

If not then tell him to crack on, that he will not be seeing the kids until he apologises to you for making up tales.

maz210 · 19/09/2016 22:57

I'd also suggest dementia, can your husband take his mum aside for a chat if this is out of character for your father in law?

PeppasNanna · 19/09/2016 23:01

This needs to be addressed propley.
You either did say it.
Or you didn't.

If you didn't, hes lying or confused.

Difficult to know which is worse.

GabsAlot · 19/09/2016 23:19

if u didnt do any of what he says u seriouly need to talk to hyour mil about possible onset dementia

what is she saying about all of this

Rubies12345 · 19/09/2016 23:19

Even if the event is fabricated

How do you not know if it happened? Were you drunk?

Bogeyface · 19/09/2016 23:23

You say you cant remember it happening, so does that mean it could have happened when you were pissed and cant remember or that you know for a fact that it is untrue?

SandyY2K · 20/09/2016 00:24

he has said I waited till she was out of the room and ran across the kitchen sat really close to him and with a spiteful look told him to get out of my kitchen.

Well did you say this or not? You say even if it's fabricated. Why would you say that if you never said it.

Unless it's alzheimers or dementia, then from your view he has mistaken or made it up.

Somehow I'm not getting the impression you actually get along with your FIL before this happened.

The poster who said it's all or none of us.. that is ridiculous. FIL can choose not to see her.

If my FIL said this I'd be doing something more than this TBH.

AmeliaJack · 20/09/2016 00:28

If it's not true you need to get DH and MIL to get him to a doctor asap.

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SandyY2K · 20/09/2016 00:31

If someone said they wouldn't see me but they would see my children, my answer would be no, you fucking won't.

Because the kids only belong to the woman right? The child has 2 parents.
What gives you the right to do this?
FIL wants to see his son and grandchild.

OP - you in one breath say your the most hospitable DIL. But you are clearly irritated and annoyed by FIL. Don't you think he might have picked up on that?

there are issues but it has never been anything but annoyance factor.

SandyY2K · 20/09/2016 00:37

I have no recollection of events but FIL called tonight to say......

What is it you don't recollect? Him calling tonight or the incident FIL has described.

Do you have problems with your memory?

StrumpersPlunkett · 20/09/2016 00:39

I have been married for 16 years.
We are from different cultures and we have I think adjusted over time to accept quirkeries of each other.
I can not tell you that I did not say it because I have no memory either way. All I can say is that it isn't something I would ever do or say.
Do I love him bringing all his own food and utensils to the house because he doesn't like my cooking. No I hate it and think it is rude. Don't tell him that? No. Dh has each time they come repeated please don't bring anything dw and I have planned and will cater. He ignores us and we suck it up rather than cause a scene!

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