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Bloody terrified of social services- mental health(10 Posts)
Previous post here- http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2419235-mental-health-and-family
Had my review today, they have upped my medication and she has put me forward for councelling and to see a psychiatrist as I could have a personality disorder. After probing I told her the background for my PTSD and she was visibly shocked. I told her I don't feel empathy and she asked about showing empathy towards the children, I said I do because I know what it looks like, I can comfort them but I don't feel it. She asked how I cope with them, and I said fine which is true, they are happy and balanced, we are a 'normal' family with 'normal' lives. It's just me that's screwed up.
Yet again mum has terrified me saying she'll notify social services. But if I lie about the whole empathy/guilt/remorse thing I'm not going to get the help I need. I spend my whole life faking emotions I don't feel so I fit in and when I try to be honest I'm left terrified that I'm going to have social knocking on my door.
I don't know why your mum is scaring you by saying social services will be notified.
Lots of people have mental health issues and need therapy/medication. It sounds like you are doing a great job for your kids - acting as if you have empathy even if you don't feel it. SS wouldn't get involved unless your children were thought to be at risk, and even then, they would get involved to make sure you were getting all necessary support to look after you kids properly.
Definitely don't lie to the doctors - the only way they can help you is by hearing how you are actually feeling.
The doctor will have safeguarding in her mind, of course. But if your children are fed, clothed, washed etc then there will be no need for doctor to notify SS, let alone for SS to take any action.
That's a good thing, honestly. Trust your doctor to keep your children safe - which, it sounds like, means happily at home.
Get well soon.
It sounds to me that you've got flat affect, it's a noted side effect of certain anti-depressants and depression and it's definitely been noted in people with PTSD. I had it quite badly when my physical illness started messing with my head and I felt very much like the way you described in your other thread.
I also noticed in our other thread that your mother and sister think you're a narc. It's pretty common for narcs to accuse other people of being narcs. Think about that for a minute, could your mother be talking social services because she enjoys the drama?
It's very common to feel zero when feeling emotionally unbalanced. Basically your numb as your body is in shock because of your ptsd. It's a normal bodily reaction. Look at grieving, people experience derealisation which makes them so numb they can't cry or feel anything. Your not abnormal so please don't fear this, get the right help and the social services won't judge you at all.
You can only getc the right help if you explain what is really going on for you. I am moved by your honesty and very sorry your mum has tried to undermine you. Please don't let her distract you from doing what you know you need to do.
As another poster has said, PTSD can cause you to numb all emotions, that doesn't mean you don't care or love your kids or that you can't look after them.
There is no shame in getting support from social workers if you need it. The whole fear of having your kids taken away is usually overblown as SWs will do everything in their power to keep families together. What they can do is help your kids with respite if needed (like young carers clubs or just someone to talk to) and speed up referrals for services like counselling etc. they know of so many different support services you probably haven't considered. Mental Health social workers are not child protection officers. The media only ever prints the negative stories, no one ever sings their successes and there are far more of them. Happy kids in a safe and caring home will never be removed. A parent with a mental health condition is not,on its own, enough to remove a child. If your mum does call ss(which sounds vindictive) just cooperate to your full ability and be honest with them. Most problems arise when people lie and make it difficult to asses the reality of the situation.
Thank you for your comments. My mum won't call them herself, sorry it's not very clear in my original post. However, she does keep telling me that the doctor will call them. My family is very much about not talking about your problems, mental health is for 'crazy' people and we should just keep our problems to ourselves, so the thought of me getting help and admitting I have a problem is very alien to them.
Logically I know that if the doctor rang social on every single person that came into their surgery with mental health problems then social would be stretched even more than they are. However it's still a worry, which is also not helped by my anxiety anyway!
Kids are doing well at home and at school and also go to a childminder and there has never been any concerns.
The numb stuff is actually very interesting as I like feeling numb, feeling any kind of emotion terrifies me and I have done things in the past so I don't 'feel' anything (binge drinking etc) so it wouldn't be unreasonable to suggest I've just emotionally shut down.
Yet again mum has terrified me saying she'll notify social services
Your mother is talking out of her narcissistic arse and as, you've previously said you're not close to her, you're best advised to refrain from discussing any aspects of your physical and mental health with her and your sibling - it's far better for you to vent/offload/seek advice here
Fwiw, as the symptoms you describe are atypical of PTSD I very much doubt you have a personality disorder, but should a pyschiatrist find otherwise you will be prescribed meds/therapy as appropriate.
Please re-read the responses you've received on this and your earlier thread as they should go a long way to alleviate your fear of social work/services involvement, and please update this thread as and when you feel the need so that it can serve a personal record of your progress towards full recovery.
I remember your previous post and commented then that your mum was hindering your mental health.
Ask yourself why she would seek to heighten your anxiety at a time when you are finally seeking treatment to make yourself healthier.
Could you consider going into what I call "News Management" status with her and your sister? This means you only give her very vague updates on how you are and focus on things which have happened that are factual and boring. If asked about your mental health, just say "I'm feeling a lot calmer now, thank you. How are you? What have you been up to? Is Aunty Doris's toe better?"
You may wish to have a look at this with regard to your family dynamic:
Scapegoat and Golden Child
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