Kind of an AIBU, but too scared to post there! Have name changed as think DP knows my normal username. Sorry this may be a bit long but don't want to drip feed.
He and I have been together for four years. We started living together fulltime earlier this year. I have one ds who is ten.
I am very close to my parents and have always spent Christmas with them. Ds usually spends one day with us and one day with his dad. Since DP and I have been together he has spent Christmas with me and my family - this has been entirely his choice and I've never made him feel that he has to or that I expect it. His family live on the other side of the country (we are in South East England, they are in ne Scotland) so it has been partly convenience, I guess. Because they live so far away, I've only met them a handful of times and ds only once.
Anyway, a few weeks ago dp said that he wanted us all to go up to Scotland and spend next Xmas with his family. In all honesty I wasnt mad keen, but equally felt that it wasn't unreasonable on his part and agreed it would be ok. However, when I mentioned it to ds, he got really, really upset and begged me to talk to dp because he didn't want to go. He said that he didn't want to be away from his dad and his grandparents, and that he couldn't imagine spending Xmas without them and away from his home. I have honestly never seen him have such a strong reaction to a suggestion before . Dp's family, nice as they are, are virtual strangers to ds and I do understand his reaction.
However, I have no idea how to broach this with dp. He will be very, very pissed off. my mind keeps going back to after our summer holiday when we had a massive row because he said that I always put his wants last, and ride roughshod over what he wants to do in favour of what I (and ds) want (the examples he gave were that we didn't go to the beach one day when he wanted to, and I never buy his favourite yoghurt when I go shopping). I am genuinely worried about how he will take me saying that ds really doesn't want to go. I was awake all last night worrying about it.
Am I being selfish? Should I just make ds go? That feels really wrong, but at the same time I don't want dp to think I'm not taking him into account. I would happily go up the week before Xmas to see them but I don't think dp would go for that. I am absolutely dreading this conversation and would appreciate any advice.
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Relationships
Am I being selfish?
thegumthief · 15/12/2014 08:14
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