Hi, I wrote recently about my partner of 19 years (anniversary today actually) telling me he doesn't love me anymore.
This was the outcome of an argument about me thinking he's cheating. I have suspected this for a few months now and around three weeks ago I asked outright to look through his iphone.
Now, he got the iphone in January. I don't know my way around one and wasn't sure what I was looking for. What I DO know is that he's very attached to it (it lives in his pocket), it beeps and rumbles constantly in the evenings/at weekends, it has a pass-code (which I'm fairly certain I know from careful observation).
When he gave me the phone (extremely reluctantly) to look at, I didn't really know what to look for. There was nothing incriminating in the texts (but he would probably delete them as he went along), but is there a messenger service on there? I have a Blackberry so I have BBM on mine. Is there something similar on the iphone that I should be looking for? How do I get onto the internet and check the history of it? How do I check for over-used phone numbers, etc? I can only check it when he's asleep at night so I need to be quick with it.
I'm asking this off the back of the zombie thread that's popped up, that I read with interest - it all made me sit up very straight indeed!
I know people are going to tell me that I should just end it and that I don't need the evidence, etc, but please bear in mind that everyone is different and I DO need the evidence. I need it for my own peace of mind and to make sure that I don't tear us apart completely when there are three children to take into account too.
I've got whatsapp too and I know he has it on his because I saw it. I've said to him time and time again to add me on it because it's free (like when we both used BBM) but he just won't do it! He said he doesn't know how to use it, but when I had a quick look there were conversations there with about 8 people!!!
Have just checked the phone company online. Turns out I don't need a code, just the account number, but as he's paperless we don't have the account number. How do they expect you to upgrade in that case?
I don't know how to access the emails/internet on his iphone. Where would I get into them? I have a feeling his internet history would be a very interesting place to look - that's where I was about to check when he lost his temper and demanded his phone back last time.
Check the Phone app--green with receiver icon, will be on the bottom bar. You can look at Recents calls made and received.
Slide your finger from right to left to go between different pages of apps.
If there's not much in the way of texts see if he has as app called WhatsApp (also green) or one called Viber. Both can be used for chats.
As far as internet goes, look for Safari (blue with compass icon). Bottom right hand corner of the page once open has a white box with a number. Touch that and it will open all current or recent web pages for you to scan through quickly. Touch one of them to open it fully.
Have you got a friend with an iPhone to show you quickly how it all works. My DH didn't bother with his contract phone when he was having an affair, just got a secret PAYG phone.
But as Looksgood says, double click the button at front of phone and that will show all of recently used programs/apps. Also if you swipe the front screen to the right you will get the search facility to search the iPhone with key words (babe, sex, love etc) and if any messages are still there they will show up.
HTH, good luck and try to think about what you really want.
I don't think he'd need to bother with a secret phone when he's so bloody precious about the one he has on show! It has a cover on it so when he's reading/replying to texts I can't see the screen as the cover is tilted up.
Do you have access to the computer he backs his phone up on?
I dont recommend this lightly but I did use it to find out the extent of DHs lying over an affair.
If you do, you can download a programme called Deciphermessage. It searches the most recent backup and gives you all of the texts that were on the phone at the last backup. It also gives you MOST of the deleted ones too (iPhones don't do a true delete).
It costs about £14 but is VERY easy to use and you can just delete it off the PC afterwards. It's only really useful if he backs up to a PC and not iCloud.
His phone is not even synched to our laptop - his friend set it all up at his house and it's synched to his laptop. I did think of trying that but obviously have no connection to the damn thing. If it was synched to ours then I could also use iCloud to track it but it's not an option.
Also if you have the pass code and can't access the phone when he isn't around try a spotlight search.
Open the phone and swipe right. It will bring up a search bar. You can type in any keyword ie a name, app etc and it will show it in a list. Interestingly it also throws up any messages that word has been used in, even after they have been deleted.
So you could search for "sex" or "meet" and it will throw up any msgs (even deleted).
This was a bug that happened most on 4s but I don't think it's been fixed yet.
facebook messaging (does he use facebook?) whatsapp - this has no trace other than within whatsapp, and might already have been deleted SMS - these can be recovered as Pantone says with various pieces of software
If there is something ongoing, then installing spy software is your best bet as it will record any evidence.