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Possible cheating partner - how to check an iphone?

(165 Posts)
Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 12:46:47

Hi, I wrote recently about my partner of 19 years (anniversary today actually) telling me he doesn't love me anymore.

This was the outcome of an argument about me thinking he's cheating. I have suspected this for a few months now and around three weeks ago I asked outright to look through his iphone.

Now, he got the iphone in January. I don't know my way around one and wasn't sure what I was looking for. What I DO know is that he's very attached to it (it lives in his pocket), it beeps and rumbles constantly in the evenings/at weekends, it has a pass-code (which I'm fairly certain I know from careful observation).

When he gave me the phone (extremely reluctantly) to look at, I didn't really know what to look for. There was nothing incriminating in the texts (but he would probably delete them as he went along), but is there a messenger service on there? I have a Blackberry so I have BBM on mine. Is there something similar on the iphone that I should be looking for? How do I get onto the internet and check the history of it? How do I check for over-used phone numbers, etc? I can only check it when he's asleep at night so I need to be quick with it.

I'm asking this off the back of the zombie thread that's popped up, that I read with interest - it all made me sit up very straight indeed!

I know people are going to tell me that I should just end it and that I don't need the evidence, etc, but please bear in mind that everyone is different and I DO need the evidence. I need it for my own peace of mind and to make sure that I don't tear us apart completely when there are three children to take into account too.

Any iphone users out there who can help?

badinage Tue 07-May-13 12:50:51

Can you see the bills?

Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 12:51:48

No, he's set to paperless. I've tried to access them online but in order to do that they have to send a code to his mobile which he then needs to input on the laptop.

badinage Tue 07-May-13 12:55:08

Ok well as you've already confronted him, just ask him to show you them online. If he doesn't, you'll know he's got something to hide.

normaleggy Tue 07-May-13 12:57:08

I use a messaging app called 'whatsapp' which is quite popular. It's green and has a picture of a phone in a circle. Pretty sure that those messages wouldn't show up on a bill as it's free to use

Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 13:00:32

I've got whatsapp too and I know he has it on his because I saw it. I've said to him time and time again to add me on it because it's free (like when we both used BBM) but he just won't do it! He said he doesn't know how to use it, but when I had a quick look there were conversations there with about 8 people!!!

AKissIsNotAContract Tue 07-May-13 13:00:34

Yeah I was going to say whatsapp too.

Do you have access to his emails/internet history?

Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 13:01:46

Have just checked the phone company online. Turns out I don't need a code, just the account number, but as he's paperless we don't have the account number. How do they expect you to upgrade in that case?

Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 13:02:59

I don't know how to access the emails/internet on his iphone. Where would I get into them? I have a feeling his internet history would be a very interesting place to look - that's where I was about to check when he lost his temper and demanded his phone back last time.

Shinyshinyface Tue 07-May-13 13:03:50

Check the Phone app--green with receiver icon, will be on the bottom bar. You can look at Recents calls made and received.

Slide your finger from right to left to go between different pages of apps.

If there's not much in the way of texts see if he has as app called WhatsApp (also green) or one called Viber. Both can be used for chats.

As far as internet goes, look for Safari (blue with compass icon). Bottom right hand corner of the page once open has a white box with a number. Touch that and it will open all current or recent web pages for you to scan through quickly. Touch one of them to open it fully.

Hope that makes sense.

Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 13:05:29

Thank you Shiny - that's exactly what I need!

Looksgoodingravy Tue 07-May-13 13:14:31

Once phone unlocked if you double click the circle button (front of iphone) it will come up with all the recent Apps he's used.

PatPig Tue 07-May-13 13:17:49

You need something like this, but tbh if you don't know what you are doing technically I would be careful of installing something like this:

Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 13:18:16

Thanks Looksgoodingravy

Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 13:19:23

PatPig - have you used that yourself?

Looksgoodingravy Tue 07-May-13 13:22:14

And swipe across once the Apps have come up.

You can also cehck Safari history by going to
Settings - Safari - Advanced - Website Data this will show all history if he's only deleted it from the App itself.

countingto10 Tue 07-May-13 13:28:33

Have you got a friend with an iPhone to show you quickly how it all works. My DH didn't bother with his contract phone when he was having an affair, just got a secret PAYG phone.

But as Looksgood says, double click the button at front of phone and that will show all of recently used programs/apps. Also if you swipe the front screen to the right you will get the search facility to search the iPhone with key words (babe, sex, love etc) and if any messages are still there they will show up.

HTH, good luck and try to think about what you really want.

PatPig Tue 07-May-13 13:31:36

No I haven't I'm afraid.

Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 13:31:46

I don't think he'd need to bother with a secret phone when he's so bloody precious about the one he has on show! It has a cover on it so when he's reading/replying to texts I can't see the screen as the cover is tilted up.

Pantone363 Tue 07-May-13 13:32:09

Do you have access to the computer he backs his phone up on?

I dont recommend this lightly but I did use it to find out the extent of DHs lying over an affair.

If you do, you can download a programme called Deciphermessage. It searches the most recent backup and gives you all of the texts that were on the phone at the last backup. It also gives you MOST of the deleted ones too (iPhones don't do a true delete).

It costs about £14 but is VERY easy to use and you can just delete it off the PC afterwards. It's only really useful if he backs up to a PC and not iCloud.

Pantone363 Tue 07-May-13 13:33:05

It won't show what's app messages. You can buy it online.

Machli Tue 07-May-13 13:33:13

Look for an app called "whatsapp" it's a free messaging service so messages don't show on the bill. When I got hold of exes phone there was nothing in text messages but hundreds in whatsapp.

Heartbrokenmum73 Tue 07-May-13 13:34:04

His phone is not even synched to our laptop - his friend set it all up at his house and it's synched to his laptop. I did think of trying that but obviously have no connection to the damn thing. If it was synched to ours then I could also use iCloud to track it but it's not an option.

Pantone363 Tue 07-May-13 13:36:28

Also if you have the pass code and can't access the phone when he isn't around try a spotlight search.

Open the phone and swipe right. It will bring up a search bar. You can type in any keyword ie a name, app etc and it will show it in a list. Interestingly it also throws up any messages that word has been used in, even after they have been deleted.

So you could search for "sex" or "meet" and it will throw up any msgs (even deleted).

This was a bug that happened most on 4s but I don't think it's been fixed yet.

PatPig Tue 07-May-13 13:36:28

You've basically got:

facebook messaging (does he use facebook?)
whatsapp - this has no trace other than within whatsapp, and might already have been deleted
SMS - these can be recovered as Pantone says with various pieces of software

If there is something ongoing, then installing spy software is your best bet as it will record any evidence.

Also if he uses a PC you can install software on there that will record everything.

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