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To get annoyed at having to prompt dh for some money?

(538 Posts)
WomanCalledAlice Fri 01-Mar-13 15:57:13

I work FT and get paid monthly, dh gets paid weekly. My wage pays the bills/clothes the kids need etc. On a Friday when dh is paid he transfers money straight into my account for groceries. Today he transferred £100 so I went to Tesco and spent £70 on food for the week and put the other £30 in the meter for electric.

Now it's my friends birthday today and I'd like to buy her something nice and also my other friend had a baby on Monday so would have liked to buy her a little gift.

Every week it's more or less the same, he transfers money over but I just never have enough. When I ask him for more money he usually says "did you spent the whole £100"? But he always transfers more over its just the fact he questions me and I don't think I should have to ask.

I'm not out buying luxuries for myself (I wish) I'd just like a little bit of cash in my purse. AIBU?

I almost feel guilty for asking him confused

imaginethat Sat 23-Mar-13 09:48:41

Hi Alice, I'm so sorry to hear you've lost your job, that's awful! What happened??
You are having such a hard time, I wish there was something I could do for you.
If you feel like posting, I'm always keen to read. I lost your thread for a while but I've saved it now so can keep up.

Unbelievable about the ex with a new girlfriend and no doubt very painful for you.

At the beginning of the thread you had an eye injury, an infection and you weren't sleeping. Is your health a bit better?
What about RL support?

VitoCorleone Wed 20-Mar-13 12:04:01

Just read this thread from the start. Stay strong Alice, you've been through a lot, take care of yourself

blackcurrants Wed 20-Mar-13 01:10:04

I'm so very sorry, Alice. I hope you got a decent amount of notice and find something soon. Last thing you need, really, it must just be too much to worry about.

Ignore your tosspot ex, and keep your children close. I hope the people in Legal can help you, I'm not very knowledgeable but lots of people really are. Do keep posting/ start a new thread for support, I'm sure I'm not the only one wishing you all the very best, and hoping things get better very, very soon.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Mon 18-Mar-13 20:50:29

I am very sorry to hear this.

It will get better. Forget what ex is doing and concentrate on you, you and you.

You may have to repost in the legal matters of this site, but your change of circumstances may mean you are entitled to legal aid going forward. Do check as I read that legal aid will become much less accessible after this month, except for cases of DV. I would apply ASAP.

WomanCalledAlice Mon 18-Mar-13 19:41:05

Hi, I'm ok. Well not really, lost my job last week. Have that feeling of a big black cloud hanging over me. Ex has a new girlfriend apparently- He is due in court in May. He hasn't seen the kids since he left and Dd keeps asking where he is and why hasn't she seen him for so long.

Things can only get better eh sad

Imaginethat Tue 12-Mar-13 15:09:57

How are you Alice?

dondon33 Sun 10-Mar-13 19:06:55

It certainly wouldn't Alice if nothing more then just to put your mind at ease.
I don't think a smear would pick STI's up, I know it can detect HPV, but as far as I'm aware STI's have got to be specifically tested for. Obviously the nurse carrying out the smear would be able to notice some things (warts, herpes) but not all.

Brilliant news about CC - it's a bloody nightmare isn't it? having to trail to the colposcopy clinic so often.
Glad you enjoyed your day and I hope the choc's are delicious, you deserve them and a whole lot more x

ScarletWomanoftheVillage Sun 10-Mar-13 19:05:06

Yay! thanks

WomanCalledAlice Sun 10-Mar-13 17:57:53

Dondon, that's a fair point. It wouldn't do any harm to get checked. Do smear tests pick up on sti's does anyone know?. I have smears every 3 months just now (just had all clear from cervical cancer).

Had a great day today, tennis killed me but was good fun. Bowling was good and in stuffed after dinner, still room for chocolates when kids go to bed though smile

cjel Sun 10-Mar-13 17:23:36

Please you will tx friend tomorrow, I think you might be suprised!!

WomanCalledAlice Sun 10-Mar-13 17:20:31

I hadn't thought of it that way juliette. I'll drop her a text tomorrow and see if she wants to come over. As you say it might take her mind off her things she has going on.

Distancecall, I have actually thought about counselling in the past about other things, I think it would do me good. I tend to bottle things up all the time which really doesn't help long term.

Darkesteyes I'm sorry to hear your mum is the same. It's not nice at all.

Thanks again for taking the time to post advice, it really does help.

dondon33 Sun 10-Mar-13 17:18:38

I just read your thread from the start Alice and wanted to add my support.
You are fantastic and so brave. I'm sorry you've had to deal with a huge amount of shite in such a short time, you've absolutely done the right thing.
Well done standing your ground with your Dm - it's your day and I hope you've enjoyed it.

I don't want to freak you out nor put a downer on your day and I'm surprised no one else has touched this - Do you believe what he said about seeing someone else for the last 7 months?? I'm putting 2 + 2 together here and I'm probably = 5 but - You say you've had a UTI sad I worry if he's telling the truth he could have given you a STI. It would make sense to go and get tested asap. Sorry to add to the head fuckery but it's important.

((big hugs))

tribpot Sun 10-Mar-13 17:09:27

Totally agree with Juliette. Sometimes when you're dealing with bad family news it can feel like you're in a bubble when actually you'd rather just feel like part of the world. As long as your friend doesn't feel you're dumping on her, which I'm quite sure you wouldn't, I would tell her.

DistanceCall Sun 10-Mar-13 17:01:41

Just read the entire thread. Amazing, and good on you on being so brave and resourceful.

Your comments about your mother and about feeling lonely (i.e. relatively unsupported by your family) and tired of being a walkover make me wonder whether perhaps you might consider getting some counselling/professional help? It's always good to get someone on your side to whom you can speak and offload. And it might help you to see patterns in your life which you hadn't noticed before. Personally, I found it tremendously useful.

JulietteMontague Sun 10-Mar-13 16:34:07

Alice Does your friend know? if not I'm sure she would at least want to know. She might actually want to talk about something else, sometimes we assume someone going through something that bad will not want to be bothered but I do know that sometimes people just want to be treated 'normally'. I'm sure you are there for her too, if she can't cope with hearing about your troubles at the moment that's fine too, maybe you can be there for her she will not expect you to be on top form.

Darkesteyes Sun 10-Mar-13 16:17:00

Hi Alice my mum has very similar attitudes to yours. Hope you are having a great day with your lovely children.

ScarletWomanoftheVillage Sun 10-Mar-13 14:01:52

Wow, Alice, have just read your whole thread. What hell you have been through. So glad you got rid of this utter tool. Sad to read of your mother's reaction and lack of support sad

Hope you and dcs have a great day today thanks

cjel Sun 10-Mar-13 13:45:56

Hooray, new life begins today.!!! I don't want to repeat myself but having been through really rough times I know that going through the tough times with a friend is important. Its a two way thing, you support each other,get strength from each other cry together etc. YOu haven't got to drain your friend and I don't think you sound the sort of person to do that but she will appreciate having you to chat to as well and will appreciate you valuing her enough to confide in her. I have a friend and we hadly new each other when our bad times exploded but over the last 18months we txt each other when we feel up or down that way if the other can't cope they can deal with it later or just drop a quick txt bk saying now isn't a good time, But its lovely to have that person. she will probably have to know your situation anyway and it won't be as big to her as it is to you the same as her mums cancer is so big to you as it is to her. Hope your tennis was good!!

WomanCalledAlice Sun 10-Mar-13 13:08:14

Thank you smile

Ds2 woke me up at 7am with tea and toast. Got a lovely teddy and big box of chocs. Then I was told by ds2 he had booked the tennis court for 10am. Thanks son haha! I'm just recovering after a nice bath and we're just heading to town for bowling then lunch. smile

RoomForASmallOne Sun 10-Mar-13 12:41:10

Happy Mother's Day Alice smile

Hope you are managing to chill out and relax for a bit.

tribpot Sun 10-Mar-13 10:45:05

Happy day to you, Alice.

blackcurrants Sun 10-Mar-13 00:39:33

Well, you can always talk to us! Some of us have no life are up all night breastfeeding. (same thing) smile

WomanCalledAlice Sat 09-Mar-13 23:20:47

I don't really know my neighbour. I know she works long hours. I did see here on Monday and she asked how I was etc but I don't know, I couldn't see me approaching her. My friends mum has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer, I really couldn't bring myself to put this on her.

I have a doctors app on Monday to hopefully get something to help me sleep, I'll speak to her about it.

Imaginethat Sat 09-Mar-13 23:17:21

Sorry to hear about your mum Alice though I guess it makes sense that you grew up having to please others and then went onto a relationship that was also one sided. You are seeing through this now. And your next step is to call in RL help. You don't have to suffer this alone. Can you at least text or phone your far away friends just to let them know? It can help to receive supportive texts and calls.
And the friend nearby going through a rough time, okay you don't want to burden her but friends share. Seems to me that if you know and care about her problems she will want to know about yours.

I think the WA contact is a v good idea. That's what they are there for. Let people help you Alice. This is the new you, the one who looks out for herself x

cjel Sat 09-Mar-13 23:13:59

Are you sure your friend wouldn't want to know? she might not think you are a burde? she might like to be given the chance to be supportive.?

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