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This topic is for personal experiences or dilemmas; to debate the ethics of termination, please go here or here.

Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate 7

(864 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

mrsbigz Sat 14-May-11 22:54:53

May this thread continue to offer support and friendship to all who have found ourselves knocking at its door. May the door stay firmly wedged open - to be a comfort to those who have recently lost a little one, and welcoming back those who have longer memories of their loss. May the tea always be brewing and the millionaire shortbreads always freshly baked.
And may our all little ones find each other in a magical place, where they can run, laugh and play together with no boundaries

misty0 Mon 16-May-11 14:56:34

Cinnamon petal! - Ohhhhhhhhhh! You MUST MUST take it easy. To hell with cleaning/cooking for a couple of days. What about work? What are you doing? Is it somewhere where you could ask for a break ? I know its hard to rest with a family and work - but please, please cut down on something. This is so important.

And that woman!! Is there some way you could limit her calls - would OH support you in that? Can any ladies think of a way Cinnamon could do this? Its one thing for her to want contact with her kids - and for them to want contact with her - but if its obvious to anyone sensible that it's doing damage then you're within your moral rights to limit this. For your own sanity at the mo. too. You need not tell the children. Can you somehow keep it to one shortish conversation a week maybe? Or less?? Would the 15 year old understand if you gently explained that his mothers calls are important to them both - but can be hard on him. He may be old enough to grasp that some adults put a heavy burden on their children without meaning to. Maybe let him know that its OK if he wants to put up a bit of defense against what she's doing to him emotionaly? By shortening/limiting calls ect (Dont mention that we all think she's the bitch queen from hell obviously shock).

You poor poor thing. Thank you for your words about heavy AF. cherrybug too. You see? If it wasnt for you ladies on MN i'd be sat here thinking i'm bleeding to death! (cos i wouldnt contact the doc. unless i was almost dead! Thats just me)

egglet - i've pm'd you on FF. We are now friends! lol.

stunned - read all about your awful experience on that morning - with the bed mix up ect. Good God ..... what doesnt kill us makes us stronger sweetheart - thats what they say. You will find an inner strength - and we are all here for you any time that falters. And the times when you just want a damn good waffle, and a cuppa! smile. Bless you - <hug>

flower - sorry about your AF xx dont think i said it before love. All together for this month then?

myangel - whats happening? ...... I havnt gone all rapper on you, lol, with my fingers pointing in funny directions! ...... i mean about your AF? All excited now for each of us xxx

KnitterNotTwitter Mon 16-May-11 16:47:54

Hi ladies
Just tracked you down and caught up...

stunned hope that you're being good to yourself and that you have lots of lovely RL support

cinnamon sorry it's all a bit car-crash at the moment... definitely follow the doctors advice if you can

misty sorry AF is being so hideous - I suspect it's just your body having a good old clear out - icky though...

For the record here is my story: I have a 2.5yo DS then in March last year I had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy (and lost my left tube), In July I then had a M/C at 12 weeks and now this year I've just had a termination at 14 weeks for DS.

I'm still doing ok... yesterday was one month from my termination and it passed fairly uneventfully which was good. DH was away so I suspect it was just me that remembered... :-(

Re Jewellery.... I have a ring that DH have me when DS was born. It's got his initials inside and the plan always was that we'd get the initials of other children added. My plan is now that when we add the initials of a next child I'll also get them to add three stars for the three babies we've lost...

Still no sign of my AF... felt a bit imminent on Friday but nothing yet.... Also still no sign of my Repeat Misscarriage Clinic referral... will chase soon as I want to get organised with all the tests and everything.... I want the feeling that we're making some sort of progress towards our next baby...

hugs to you all...

StunnedAndShocked Mon 16-May-11 19:17:57

Evening ladies
Not too bad a day but spent most of the afternoon in tears as I met up with friends & all they did was hug me - Q loads of tears even my waterproof make couldn't cope with that - move over kiss....
Hubby went back to work today so felt bit odd as we been together almost 24/7 for past 2 wks (loo breaks excluded)
Tummy been feeling crampy / back ache this afternoon / evening & tmi but been for wee & looks like I have started bleeding.
Yesterday was just slight pink after wiping - looks like start of a af to me now, guessing body has now started to get over shock of loss of little Amelia May & the operation the following day.
Taking advice given from Ava & upping my intake of green veg etc
Been to Dr today & he has signed me off for a month which is good so I can take time to recover. He asked me how long did I want - I answered about a year, he said I could have a month to start with - bless him.
Take care out there ladies, don't forget to smile - you will be amazed at the difference it makes
X x

MyangelAva Mon 16-May-11 21:06:02

Hi misty, thanks for thinking of me! I know what you mean though, I was really quite excited with the thought of your poss bfp!! So... AF has not shown up yet, which is quite unusual for me. I'm holding off until tomorrow and then I don't think I can wait to do that test that's calling from the cupboard! Don't want to jinx things obviously but am secretly hoping that she doesn't come tonight!! And obv for a bfp!

I'm sorry that so many people are feeling rubbish today- big hugs, and I'm sorry for the lack of personals- all of a sudden it's 9pm and I've only just sat down!! Will have more time tomorrow hopefully xx

flower11 Tue 17-May-11 04:38:18

treaclecat If you really dont like the name denzel then I would change it, I think hes too young to have learnt that its his name, moses doesnt respond when we call his name, hes just learning to respond to NO but think thats all about tone of voice. Hope you are enjoying your new addition. I think moses has brought some unwelcome little visitors with him, now have to de flea the house, may be this whole de stress with a kitten isnt going to work quite so well.

blacktreaclecat Tue 17-May-11 07:44:38

Hi flower I was a bit stressed on Sunday after a few litter tray related accidents. He seems to be making it now. My older puss seems to think he is her kitten and keeps trying to wash him but he won't stay still!

mrsbigz Tue 17-May-11 10:09:56

so quickly popping on (at work so trying to look V busy) to see how myangelava is this morning. have everything crossed that aunty hasn't shown for you and you've been an peed on a stick!!

hi to everyone else, will catch up later xxxx

StunnedAndShocked Tue 17-May-11 10:41:12

Morning ladies
Just thought I would pop on to say hello
Feeling ok so far today, cried when a friend from work text to ask if ok, she didn't know I was preggers - she has been off & only works two days a week so not seen her for a while.
Out two kittens have been amazing, only had a couple of accidents were he could find litter box quick enough - other than that perfect litter trained kitty's.
Although he has taken to licking our plates / saucepans if we don't clean them / cover them quick enough. This is whilst we are eating & pots in kitchen sink waiting to be washed.
This in turn has given him a upset tummy - the runs bless him. He is on special food which he doesn't like as has a few mouth fuels then doesn't eat anymore. I am making him eat it before giving him some crunches. I feel so mean as the loom he gives me is soo sorry looking. Wouldnt mind if it was cheap food but at £6 a box of 12 packs it isn't cheap. Has special pro bio otic stuff in to help build stronger tummy. Vet said to feed it to him.
Take care out there, everything crossed for Myangelava today
X x

misty0 Tue 17-May-11 12:41:19

hi girlies -

I think i know that food stunned - my young male puss has a delicate tum and we had to go through a few boxes of that. I know what you mean about scraps as well - lots of times i think "oooh kitties will enjoy a bit of that" (fish or chicken table scraps ect) as i would have done with my 2 moggies in the past - but this pair of aristocrats are too posh for scraps and get the runs! lol. oh well....

Funny how a well meaning friend can set off tears when you're not expecting it. It does sound like you have lots of people that care about you stunned, and that you can talk to, so thats really nice smile. What a lovely name! Amelia May. Beautiful. Yes your body is probably adjusting to all its been through the last few days. My bleeding came and went a bit for the first few days - no need to worry unless you get cramping or odd smells (sorry!). What you said b4 struck a cord with me about your OH going back to work. I thought i was fine untill the second or third day after mine went back. His constant mental support at home - when i looked distant or sad he'd jump right in and cheer me up - was something i missed like crazy that first week. Fell apart a bit i'm afraid. You sound really strong right now though smile Well done lovie xx

mrsbigz - the busy looking lady - , lol, morning!

myangel - how are you today????? No pressure or anything, ha ha xx

blacktreacle - how sweet of your older puss to try to mother the kitten! Ahhhhh.

flower - shame about the passengers on kitten! Poor little thing - once they're gone the stress relief can continue.....

<waves> to everyone else xxxx cinnamon - hows all your bumps and bruises love ? xx

misty0 Tue 17-May-11 12:50:06

knitter - when were you due on do you think then? Your proceedure was only 4 days after mine in April. Amazing isnt it? At the time it felt like you were way behind me time wise - but 4 days is a long time in those first 2 weeks isnt it? Its nothing in reality - we're more or less at exactly the same point cycle wise. Am i making sense?? lol xx

KnitterNotTwitter Tue 17-May-11 13:29:00

misty... Well i'm sort of due on now... but still no AF... I can't remember how long it took after my last termination for my AF to come but I think it was just 30 days.... According to my spreadsheet i'm on 31 days today so I guess she'll turn up in her own time smile

Back in April I remember being so jealous of you finding out the results of your CVS so quickly when mine dragged on and on... Your CVS was after mine but your termination happened before I'd even got the results of my CVS.... But you're right we're almost buddies - our terminations were just 4 days apart in the end...

KnitterNotTwitter Tue 17-May-11 13:36:52

Actually i've checked my spreadsheet and it's 32 days... I have a very low expectation that this might mean I'm PG and refuse to get my hopes up... Mind you if I was I'd also have a very low expectation of it surviving as this feels all to soon and an echo of the MC I had following my ectopic pregnancy... If AF hasn't turned up by the end of the month I'll test... but in the mean time I'll just expect that it's my body taking an age to get itself sorted after the termination....

EggletinaClock Tue 17-May-11 14:30:02

Hi everyone.

Stunned hope you're doing ok, my advice would be to cry whenever you feel like it as it does make you feel better afterwards. Amelia May is a beautiful name too.

Knitter I didn't know your story. That's an awful lot for you to have gone through. I hope you're due some good fortune soon. I love your idea of having your ring engraved too.

I'm going to add 'Jewellery chat' to the list of frequent topics of conversation on this thread, 2nd after all the blessed cats!

Cinnamon what an awful time you're having. I am a fainter too and it really is a sign that you have to slow down or preferably stop. I hope you manage to get some proper rest soon. That woman sounds like a total nightmare and I don't know what I'd do except more than likely the wrong thing so I won't give you any advice, just sympathy!

blacktreacle I really like the name Denzel. I think it's a great name for a cat.

Fingers tentatively crossed for myangelava too but in a non-pressuring way!


mrsbigz Tue 17-May-11 15:01:47

hey - just to pick on on what you were saying misty and knitter about being only 4 days apart. i feel the same way - but actually thinking about it i'm only a few days ahead of you misty and i think about a week behind cinnamon - but you're right, at the time each one of those days feels like a week (i guess will all that you're going through, emotionally and then physically) but looking back we are all so close together.

misty am assuming you weren't swimming this morning? hope you're feeling better and af being kinder to you now. must be nearly over for this month xxx

knitter i hope that this month turns out just how you want it. i understand how you feel about the poss of being pg and it being too soon this month - but i think tbh that you (and all of us) will be in a very detached and strange state of mind when we do eventually get our bfps - i'm sure one of the 'old-timers' (please excuse the phrase, no slight on your ages i promise!!!) can express that feeling better than i can right now.

i'm in a funny place, on the same subject. i've had x2 m/cs and each time i got my bfp on the first cycle after my aunty flo came the equivalent of this cycle. one of those bfps was ds2, and the second time around it was Eve. hmmm am really trying not to think about it - it couldn't happen 3 times like that.....could it? crap. i. must. not. get. my. hopes. up. please keep reminding me of that!!

glad all the cats / kittens are ok - i'm losing count of the amount of feline friends on this board. i'm almost wanting to get one for fear of having no 'furball' stories to share with you in weeks to come?! haha, only kidding. dh would freak if i got a cat, not his thing!!! me and my brother so desperately wanted a pet when we were younger (well, 16 and 15 respectively) that we got my mum a kitten from an animal rescue centre for her could she refuse!!!! LOL bless him, DJ died last year at an amazing 19 years old - and she loved him to bits smile

stunned hi hun, glad to see you've got a good support network in RL. sorry about the text this morning, i found (and still do now) that i was ok when i was expecting to see someone, something - it was the unexpecteds that caught me off guard and had me crying uncontrollably. i LOVE the name Amelia May....if ds2 had been a girl, his name would have been Amelie Mae!! - so i do think it's a beautiful name!!

cinnamon hope that you're taking it VERY easy and your aches and pains and bruises are easing off (also hope the 'Ex' is easing off - has dh had a chat with her at all). it's at times like these you need an upsidedown ceiling hanging laptop that you can use while laying on your back (resting!!). hope you're feeling much better very soon xxx

<waves> to everyone else, must try and look busy again!! blush

mrsbigz Tue 17-May-11 15:05:30

egglet i took so much time writing my post (and hiding it every few seconds behind a very important spreadsheet!!) that we x-posted!. hope you're doing ok hun, thanks for finding us on the charting site. now show us your charts!!

can i suggest 'baking' as a third potential subject lol xxx

KnitterNotTwitter Tue 17-May-11 15:48:39

Cats... I have a big black moggie called Marmaduke - he's lovely and very tolerant of me :-)

Baking... will be cooking muffins tonight to bring to work tomorrow for Cake Wednesday... any suggestions? Actually thinking of the contents of the house it might have to be blueberry muffins....!

Cinnamondog Tue 17-May-11 15:51:40

Hello lovelies,

Going to be quick as I have a lot to do; have decided to bite the bullet and am travelling up to my mum's later to go to my two days worth of dental treatment, aarrgh! Well, I figure I'm already in pain, ha ha! Sounds stupid but I'm petrified of the dentist so will only go and see this one doctor, which turns every check up into an over night visit to my mum's. Was due to catch the train with DS3 tonight and come back alone on Thurs but OH and step dad are doing a relay instead so DS3 and me are being driven up tonight instead, with a handover at Oxford! My complicated life?

Back is still super sore, plus added bruises and my neck feels really sore too. Think I wil be finding new bumps for the next week! On the plus side I can't feel any pain in my kidney/ side, though that could just be that it is being masked by the other twinges. Fingers crossed ladies!

She did it again last night, more tears, so angry. OH and I have thought before about trying to limit her access, but unfortunately DH1 calls her using his own phone, and she texts him asking him to phone her. So we have to options of making it obvious we don't approve and him keeping their contact secret, (which he has done before but we managed to talk about and get over that), or letting him call her, just supporting him as best we can when she damages him. It's so complicated. He craves her attention, we just have to keep supporting and loving him and hope it won't be too long till he gets the measure of her.

Well, I'm not going to be able to log in apart from through my phone, so prob won't be in the loop till Thurs night but until then.....keep hugging those kittens, peeing on those sticks and hopefully bringing on those BFP's!

Lots of love all, take care for the next few days xxxx

Cinnamondog Tue 17-May-11 15:56:31

knitter- banana and butterscotch are the best muffins ever. Think there is a recipe on the bbc food site, if not Nigella does a good one.

Going away now, just had to answer the baking query!!

Making marshmallow squares and that SA milk tart for a bbq this Sat, excited!

Sad, sad, sad......xxxxxxx

KnitterNotTwitter Tue 17-May-11 16:33:04

Anyone fancy having an opinion on what to put in a letter to the owner of the dodgy dodgems... Gashed my leg and ripped my jeans on Sunday and wondering what the appropriate level of retribution is...

KnitterNotTwitter Tue 17-May-11 16:33:21


misty0 Tue 17-May-11 16:49:08

Yeah - no swimming this morn. mrsbigz. My swimming mornings are Mon,Wed + Fri. I couldnt go this Monday tho' - pool would have looked like a scene from Jaws ! EEK! Today is the day i take my aged mother to Tesco.......WHAT an exciting life! Bet you're all so envious, lol.

On the subject of how close together we here are in terms of timming ....... When i first began posting on this thread and you ladies all came along, or were here already, i thought that ladies would often be joining and leaving and that there would be lots of coming and going - but it seems we all joined in one sweep, really, didnt we? And have stayed! It's really nice grin Nice too for those 'newbies' (although in the scheme of things what's a few weeks??) because we can all give a good supportive base for newcomers.

Well - there's a warm fuzzy feeling! smile

cinnamon - you really are a sucker for punishment girl! Dentist ...... i'd rather just have my head cut off than go to to one of those again.

STOP with the talk of the muffins now please ....... its killing me. I had cake on Saturday and thats the only naughty thing i've eaten for about 3 weeks. Think slim, think slim, think slimmmmmmmmmmmm ...................

misty0 Tue 17-May-11 16:50:14

X posts there knitter. I'll take a look in a mo.....

misty0 Tue 17-May-11 17:14:01

Ok, well you've done the right thing with health and safety definately, so thats that out of the way.

For you personally, i would say, from a detatched point of view that the cost of the jeans is entirely reasonable. Lay it on thick about the gash - and - if you start out nice - you might get a bit more out of them ...... say some free tickets or something. If you dont get a speedy or favourable reply, then you can start ramping up the demands i recon .... JMO smile (oooh i love writting a stiff letter. My OH says mine are made of concrete! lol)

StunnedAndShocked Tue 17-May-11 19:46:18

Evening ladies
Well the two kittens have spent most of the afternoon asleep on my legs whilst I watched a DVD. They are a year apart but they play well & groom each other, so sweet to watch.
Have had tears this afternoon as spoke ton the hospital Chaplin about putting Amelia's name in the memorial book then we spoke about her funeral which is a free service they offer. It is at the local crematorium on a Thursday morning, just for a simple service. They get info that baby is released from the hospital then they call us with the date & time etc then we can go if we want to - I feel I need to go.
I am getting slight tummy pain / cramps - taken some pain killers & will see in the morning if need to speak to dr then. I have had UTI before after ERPC so know how painful it can be if left.
I have been on another well known message board forum but felt they are all too clicky far too much about themselves to care about other people who post. I have been looking at / reading this site for a while before posting & feel happy posting & responding to the ladies here
X x

mrsbigz Tue 17-May-11 20:41:45

stunned (nearly wrote stunner then by mistake, although you probably are one too!!) - just wanted to say i can relate to the funeral service. we have ours on this thursday at a local church (then she is buried the following morning) - we initally were unsure as to whether to go or not (we're not particularly religious) but we both felt it something we have to do, plus we want her to 'know' we were there for her in the church when they read out her name.
misty - you made me laugh with your ref to a scene from jaws!! i was longing for a long soak in the bath over the weekend, and i daren't for that same reason!!
knitter i would agree with misty on the letter. i too love writing letters with meaning!! i once wrote to nestle complaining that i'd had about 3 tubes of smarties and not come across one blue one. they sent me a £3 voucher to go and buy more LOL!! but yes, the H&S bit definitely, and then the cost of the jeans most certainly, and if you can get them warming to you and feeling guilty then you may get a little more from them to compensate for your leg! just remind them it's 'lucky' it happened to you and not someone more susceptable (sp?) or vulnerable (i.e. kids)
speak soon x

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