Antenatal support thread for women who have chosen to terminate 7

[mrsbigz]

May this thread continue to offer support and friendship to all who have found ourselves knocking at its door. May the door stay firmly wedged open - to be a comfort to those who have recently lost a little one, and welcoming back those who have longer memories of their loss. May the tea always be brewing and the millionaire shortbreads always freshly baked.
And may our all little ones find each other in a magical place, where they can run, laugh and play together with no boundaries

[NatzCNLS]

Bumping this page for anybody who may need it xxx

[CareBearWithFangs]

Hi,

Is there anybody about who still uses this thread?

I've just had a tfmr. Waiting to be discharged from the hospital at the moment. Had a medical termination and I've found the whole process really traumatic. Currently can't stop crying. I can't pin my thoughts down long enough to try and think sensibly. Not sure what I'm posting for other than someone to talk to.

[lostlove]

Hello, CareBear. I'm here.

Have you got somebody with you?

Don't worry about being coherent; sometimes it helps just to let your thoughts out as they come.

I'm out shopping at the moment and just happened to check my watched threads but I'll check back as often as I can.

[CareBearWithFangs]

Thank you. We're at my mil, so she can help look after DD while DP and I try and recover.

I feel like I can't explain how I feel. I just keep getting flashes of images in my head of the baby/the tfmr/the scan and everything is jumbled together. And I can't control the crying which I'm normally very good at. I never cry in front of people normally.

[lostlove]

It's helpful to cry; I don't think it does any good to bottle it up. Be by yourself if you're really not comfortable in front of other people, or let them comfort you if that feels ok.

You've been through an intense physical and emotional experience so it's quite normal for it to feel all jumbled up in your mind. In time, I'm sure you'll piece it together, so don't expect too much of yourself too soon. A decent length sleep is probably what you need most right now, and more rest and as much nourishing food as you can manage tomorrow.

Have you been offered the chance to speak to a bereavement midwife or counsellor? I found the bereavement midwife very helpful.

Apologies for the delay in getting back to the thread - we got delayed in town.

[CareBearWithFangs]

Hi no they haven't offered me anything like that. Who would I ask? My gp?

I've managed to have a bit of a sleep, disturbed by awful nightmares.

Thank you for posting. It's good to know I'm not alone.

[lostlove]

Ask your hospital if they have somebody you could talk to. If they're not able to help, your GP might, though it would be better if the person has experience of the particular issues around TFMR.

Sorry you didn't have a restful night. Try to doze if you can - it might not feel like it helps your feelings much, but it will help your body to recover.

It's not something everyone feels appropriate or wants to do, but are you planning to have a burial or cremation service? We had one a few weeks later, which felt right for us.

Thinking of you today x

[CareBearWithFangs]

The hospital is doing a service at the end of May which we've decided to attend. 3 days ago the thought of a funeral really appalled me but now I've seen my son I know I need to go.

I shall call the hospital, I think they might have given us some numbers to contact. I can't properly remember.

My friend is popping round soon and we are off for a small walk so we can both have a cry.

I keep trying to remind myself of all the good things in my life but I keep seeing my son, so small and still.

[Samedaydifferentusername]

I found arc very helpful after I had my tfmr, I've also had a lot of support from Sands, seek out support where you can.

I know it's terribly cliched but time does help heal.

[lostlove]

A week before, a funeral didn't seem like the right thing to me either but, like you, I changed my mind.

In the end, we had a very short service at a crematorium, with just DP and me there. We went back on the due date to leave flowers in the place we left the flowers from the coffin. I think we were both surprised at how healing arranging and attending the service felt.

I hope you have found spending time with your friend this afternoon a comfort.

[NatzCNLS]

Just wanted to stop by and send my love to you CareBear - I hope you are bearing up ok? Do seek out help where it is available. Berevement midwife or councellor is a very good idea. Im so so sorry for your loss xx

All of us here on this thread have suffered as you have and are here to help you through the darkest days. Feel free to rant, cry and just let everything you are feeling out, it really does help.

Look after yourself, and let others look after you too. It will get easier eventually xxx

[Nessalina]

Bumping in case of need.

[IonaMumsnet]

Hi folks! We've had a couple of requests to move this thread here to the new board. It's been around a number of years but has obviously been a support to many Mumsnetters in that time so we agree that it might find a good home over here.