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Tell me great things about having two boys...

(42 Posts)
BeeBread Wed 21-Sep-11 18:55:36

I found out at my scan today that I am having a boy.

I already have the loveliest DS in the world and normally feel uber-sneery about the threads where MNers express a preference for girls. I know that I am lucky to fall pregnant and have healthy children, and my DS is fab so why would I be anything other than delighted?

Except, when I heard today, I felt a twinge of disappointment. I hate myself for it. But my mind seems to be spinning the news so as to focus on the things I will miss out on (I'm 99% sure that this is my last DC). Like not having a daughter's wedding to plan, DH not giving her away, not being a maternal grandmother and most superficially, not being able to shop for all the gorgeous girls things.

This is so stupid. And vapid. And disloyal to my gorgeous son. I want to start feeling genuinely happy about having another little boy. So please can you tell me good things about having two sons?

blinkineck Wed 21-Sep-11 19:04:04

I have two boys. They are a joy. Seriously. I think having 'one of each can be tough as they get older because of conflicting hobbies, interests etc).I don't want to sound harsh but I don't think you should get upset about your DH not giving away a daughter. If you had a girl what guarantee is there she'll want to get married or go shopping with you or all those other things you are fantasising about.

BeeBread Wed 21-Sep-11 19:06:47

Yes, yes, you are right.

I am surprising myself by falling for silly stereotypes certainly didn't apply to me growing up, and I thought I knew better. Clearly I am institutionalised!

More please! Don't mind harsh.

rollerbaby Wed 21-Sep-11 19:07:27

Bee don't be disheartened. Think about how much you love your son now and you wouldn't swap him for anything. I know what you mean about the whole wanting one of each assumption. But once he's here it won't mean a thing.

I'm probably in your shoes (I'm 14 weeks and the scanner told me he thought it was another boy) I momentarily thought, oh damn no girlie stuff for me then. But you know what? I'm relieved in a funny kind of way for the following reasons:

They will be proper little mates and can look after each other
Boys are notoriously loyal to their mums
No manipulative girls to deal with during school days - boys much more straightforward
They don't grow up quite as fast with media pressure to look a certain way
No pink everywhere
You have all the stuff!
You know what to do with willies... no wiping front to back!!!

Put it out of your mind and enjoy your pregnancy. x

thisisyesterday Wed 21-Sep-11 19:10:14

i have 3 little boys and it's great.

i always think great, i won't have to deal with periods, teenage hormones, or them coming home and telling me they're pregnant! (although i wouldn't be over the moon if they got someone pregnant either lol)

no but they're great. think of everything you love about your son... you get that all over again!

blinkineck Wed 21-Sep-11 19:14:46

How old is you DS1? If he's still quite little you won't yet have experienced the joys of watching him score or goal for his football team or build a superb piece of lego (although I know girls can do these things as well) or have his first crush and generally change from a lovely little boy into a devastatinly handsome man who turns female heads as he walks by dwarfing you grinI love love love my handsome pair of boys smile

fortyplus Wed 21-Sep-11 19:17:30

My two boys are 16 and 17 and (mostly) charming young men. I'm a bit of a tomboy myself so I wouldn't have known what to do with some of the specimens of femininity I come across! grin

m1nn1em0u5e Wed 21-Sep-11 20:04:55

Im a mum of two boys with another on the way!....They are great friends, love their mummy so much, are funny, gorgeous, cuddly, cheeky & so much fun!..

I have to admit I would have liked to be told at my scan this time that we were having a girl, just to experience raising children of both genders....but you know, as soon as they told us our baby boy looked healthy at the scan, everything else faded & I am so excited to be having another little boy! My two boys are soooo different, each little baby whatever their gender is a new little person completely different to their siblings!..

I always think that girls stuff looks so cute, but whenever I go shopping for friends daughters, I always really struggle to choose things....give me boys honeymoo said, we know the score with boys!!

I love love love each one of my boys....

WeLoveHaribo Thu 22-Sep-11 09:44:52

Awww I have 1 little DS and am 19wk with what i suspect is another little boy. I will b very pleased if is for all the reasons everyones mentioned. I don't mean this in a cruel way but i would prefer another boy and would be almost certainly my last.
I could be proved wrong but will be happy with what i get given!!

ShowOfHands Thu 22-Sep-11 09:51:51

You're not sad about having a boy. You're grieving for the idea of having a girl. Thankfully, it being only a vague and often stereotyped idea, it's fairly meaningless and will pass, though the disappointment can hit you in a very real way at the time.

Your brand new ds will be an absolutely unique and wonderful little person who you love by the very token of his existence. His likes, loves, quirks and personality will transcend the fact of what is between his legs.

People will say all sorts of things in both directions. Oh girls are yours for life. Or boys love their Mums. Or negatively they might say girls are manipulative or boys are noisy and messy. It's all a load of bollocks. Children love the people who love them and their attachment to you is a personal thing. I truly feel that it's better not to think of it in terms of 'what's it like having x gender in y combination' and think of it in terms of two children. Two fabulous, brilliant children who you will love with a ferocity you can't describe.

It's okay to feel disappointed. It's just letting go of a possibility which has closed.


BedHog Thu 22-Sep-11 10:09:39

I understand why you would feel a bit sad about never having a DD, but your reasons seem very old fashioned and stereotypical. Why couldn't you help your sons plan their weddings? Why would you want your daughter to keep the offensive (imo) tradition of being 'given away' like she's some sort of possession? Why would you be closer to your DD's children than your DS's? FWIW my DS sees his paternal grandparents much more than my parents, and I would say he has a closer relationship with them because of this (although he loves all 4). The shopping I can understand - but although girls clothes sound better in theory, in reality you would be confronted by a nauseating sea of pink, frilly tat covered in princessy pictures, nasty slogans and over-tarty garments.

Also remember you will have girls in your family, even if you don't give birth to them. You'll get the chance to do girly stuff with daughters-in-law and grandaughters in the future! smile

tostaky Thu 22-Sep-11 13:32:40

I felt disappointment for two minutes for my first little boy and then I was quite happy to have another boy after that (DP was quite disappointed though).
I think it is just a normal reaction.

Boys are great because:
- they are so cute when they pretend to be tigers together!!!
- die-cast cars are very cheap (77p in Wilkinson)
- they are not fussy about the way they are dressed
- they are simple to “manage”: feed, run around outside, bath, sleep; ie. No drama
- recycling clothes from one another
- they are mummy boys
- there will be no endless drama about best friend at school during pre-teen/teenagers years
- they are less likely to be sexually abused (my number 1 big fear for girls)
- they are more likely to share the same interests (easier and cheaper for you!)
- less likely to be chatting non-stop for years
- less likely to argue together than boy-girl combinations
- etc…etc…!

Im pregnant with #3 and really, if it is a girl, it’s fine but if it is a boy then it is fine as well!! I can’t decide what I prefer now!

CombineArvester Thu 22-Sep-11 13:36:36

ShowofHands your post has really cheered me up. I have two boys having lost a little girl in between them, a friend has just had a little girl after having 3 boys and everyone keeps going on and on about it. It was really starting to get me down.

Your post has helped me realise that it's okay to feel like this even though I am being a twat smile Thank you.

CombineArvester Thu 22-Sep-11 13:38:35

By the way OP my two are very very different and I'm sure if they were different genders I would be explaining it away by saying 'oh it's because x is a girl'. They even look different, I wasn't able to save as much money on clothes as I had hoped.

Enjoy your new baby and make sure you spoil him loads.

Pancakeflipper Thu 22-Sep-11 13:44:49

It is brilliant.
You save a fortune on clothing.
Don't need to the paint the bike/scooter pink and put sticky flowers on it.
They howl with laughter about weeing in the bath and weeing in the hedgerow
Fart jokes are just so funny
Hassles with friends at school seem to disappear after 2 days
They really do adore each other even after one of them tried to remove the other's ear.
They bring home every stick/conker in the neighbourhood and they have to live in your garden.
They will bore you to pieces about Star Wars, Scooby Do, Mr Bean etc..
You can hand them to dad to take them biking in the park and go for a massage claiming you need girlie time.
You get to 'adopt' your mates little girls and buy them lovely pink hair slides and be very popular with them.
Boys love their mummies so much it makes little tears pop into my eyes. Their hugs are so special

ShowOfHands Thu 22-Sep-11 13:58:48

Pancake, every single one of your statements could describe dd. grin I'm sick of standing on conkers.

There was a thread a couple of days ago at most saying that boys prefer their Dads to their Mums. Every now and then people say boys love their Mums the most. Then the next day somebody says that a boy is only yours until they get married and then they feck off.

My conclusion?

Children love their parents generally and their relationship with you is built on what you put into it.

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 22-Sep-11 14:00:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pancakeflipper Thu 22-Sep-11 14:04:10

Show of hands - these deffo do apply to girls. My conker collection as a child was legendary. Buckets of the things...

Just I don't have any girls. I hope my boys take me to the shopping mall to shop and lunch and to the cinema when they are in their 20's... cos' that's what my mate and her mum do and I llike the look of that...

BeeBread Thu 22-Sep-11 14:20:36

Thank you ladies. I am feeling much better and loved ShowOfHands' post in particular for making me feel less of a nob about my reaction.

You are right - if I thought that I would try for a third DC, I would have been purely delighted over this little one being a boy, and the girl stuff would wait until next time around. It is saying goodbye to that, rather than any feeling of disappointment in the individual I am carrying, which I'm finding harder than expected.

DH made me a little sad last night when he said that he was relieved not to have a girl because he thought he would be incredibly protective and find the teenage years very difficult. And I thought to myself how much I would have loved to see him being like that. Sigh.

Bedhog, you are right about all of those traditions. I'm not fussed about the giving away bit, but actually, very specifically, will miss the father-of-the-bride speech. DH is a great public speaker and so I will insist that he gives father-of-the-groom speeches at both boys' weddings (assuming they want to marry).

To highlight how stupid this is I am going to remind myself:

* I was a complete tomboy as a child, rejected all dolls and cuddly toys in favour of woodlice hmm and any other creepy crawlies I found in the garden. I rejected all of my DM's choices of clothing. Why would I expect a daughter of mine to be any different?

* I really don't like pink. <BeeBread repeats to herself Bedhog's great quote: "nauseating sea of pink, frilly tat covered in princessy pictures, nasty slogans and over-tarty garments" and shudders>.

* I really didn't want to get married, for years and years and years and years, until all of a sudden I did. Again, why should I expect a daughter to fulfil these roles if I didn't want to?

But in my head I have been decorating a girl's nursery with owls and woodland creatures and it would be too girly for DS2...

minimuffin Thu 22-Sep-11 20:58:30

BeeBread - I know how you feel, I have been there. DS3 is now 4 months old and it's been a bit of a process getting my head around never having a daughter. I don't think girls are "better", or easier to bring up, I just always thought I would have a daughter. I've always wanted 3 children and just assumed I'd have both sexes in the mix. If I'd had 3 DDs I'd have felt sad at not having a son, to see what sort of a boy we could raise and send out into the world. That's all. I wasn't looking for a dressing up doll or a shopping companion, in fact I was relishing the challenge of bringing up a daughter without the aid of pink frilly tat, Barbie and Lelli Kelly. But it's not to be and a bit of me will probably always feel wistful about that.

But... you asked about having 2 boys. It's fabulous, it really is. When DS2 hit 18 months and they really started to play together was when I started to feel like the luckiest mum alive. They are chalk and cheese but so close and protective of one another. I adore watching them together - that's the brilliant thing about having a second or subsequent child. You get to watch a whole new person developing with all their quirks and foibles but you also get to watch a new sibling relationship develop. I'm looking forward to seeing how DS3 fits into the mix. It's a big generalisation but I do wonder if same sex siblings end up closer. I have a brother and a sister - was really close to my brother when we were little (he's close in age) but then from our teens we went our own ways more and I'm now closer to my sister. I have friends with a boy and a girl and I think our household is more harmonious than theirs - my DSs just play together with the same stuff and have bags of fun (most of the time) whilst I get on with what I'm doing. One friend with a DD and DS will have her DD in her bedroom playing with her girlie things and her DS in the living room playing with his cars and they both want a lot of input from their mum as they are playing on their own and fight a lot for her attention. So I feel a bit smug now but will probably feel a wee bit envious when her DD is 28 and they can sit and enjoy the same trash TV and a glass of wine together like me and my mum did. It's all swings and roundabouts.

By the way DS3's bedroom is cream and decorated with owls and trees and flowers. I wonder if it's the same one you like. He's a baby and I think babies should have things that are lovely and magical to look at - I feel like I'm giving him some breathing space before modes of transport, skulls, pirates and dinosaurs start being shoved down his throat. I'd have done the same room for a girl before trying to fight back the tsunami of pink hearts, flowers and princesses...!

Congratulations - you will enjoy your boys in a way you can't imagine right now!

kalo12 Thu 22-Sep-11 21:13:43

I felt like that, thats why I wanted to find out the sex. After a week I had come to terms with it. Now ds2 is here, well he is gorgeous of course, a little cutie bundle. Different from my first one too, different personalities. But I am looking forward to them playing together, sharing activities - (probably involving wrestling and monster truck shows!)

What I felt sad about was my lovley girls names that I chose and not being able to buy all those groovy clothes and seeing if they looked like me, but I will hope my little sis has girls.

But when I see my friends girls with that horrible pink and those princess dolls I think Yuk

until I hear - "tell me about motorbikes, mum" for the millionth time!

kalo12 Thu 22-Sep-11 21:15:17

Also when I watch my nearly 4 year old, cuddling and caring for my new baby and seeing how gentle and loving he is, it just melts my heart.

Franglomum Thu 22-Sep-11 21:27:28

2 boys are 2 brothers that are friends for life. They will fight like mad but will fight to the death for each other and most of all for their Mother. They will always look out for each other and will have each other to confide in when Mum and Dad are just that bit too 'fuddy duddy'.
I have two boys and watching that special bond they have together is so wonderful. I am 32 weeks pregnant with number 3 who is a girl and all I can think about is how lucky she is to have to big brothers. Enjoy!

lollystix Thu 22-Sep-11 22:10:50

I have 3 boys close in age and ds4 due is 4 weeks - there will be just over 5 years between them. I always assumed I'd have 2-one if each and never planned on being a mum of 4 boys. It took a while to get my head round ds3 popping out as a boy so I found out with ds4 but I was actually glad. When I look at them all rolling round the floor together it makes me burst with pride - they're like little lion cubs and although they fight over light sabres and cars etc they do really enjoy having each other around.

They also fight lots over who gets to sit on my knee and cuddle me - can't comment on girls of course but boys are very very cuddly (and all so unique).

I don't buy all that stuff about the benefit of re-using clothes and toys etc but I can see that in a few years life will be easier with weekend activities etc. Have a friend with one of each with almost 4 years apart and she struggles to keep them both happy.

m1nn1em0u5e Thu 22-Sep-11 22:18:05

Aww hormone overload here! Im expecting my 3rd boy....the lion cub similie really made me well up!!....

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