August 2008 : FPG - Rambler's Rest!

[alittlebitshy]

Boo!

[alittlebitshy]

Don't leave me here... i'll worry you've started up a new one..

la la la

[poppysocks]

I'm here!

[Maria2007]

Hi! Great, new thread... OK I'm posting this here too in case it gets lost in the previous thread:

Morning everyone, wow, this thread moves very very quickly !!

We had a couple of bad nights- DS has a blocked nose poor thing, & we had to keep unblocking his nose a couple of times with that instrument of torture, the snot-sucker (which does its job, but babies definitely don't like it!). Lots of cuddling & breastfeeding went on in between to calm him down ...

As for sleep, yes, I agree that there are no support networks for modern mothers, and that's a huge shame (especially in the early post-partum period during which mothers are so sensitive anyway & need all the support they can get). However, I don't agree- or maybe I don't completely agree- that there is a pressure for mothers to get their babies to sleep through. I think parents themselves are really knackered- well at least they are in my circle- and try to find ways to get their babies to sleep more. In our case, just creating a bit of a routine in our day, after 4 months, has really helped with Linos' sleeping. And I think generally a routine- especially after a certain point- is a good idea & does help with sleep. Even the 'No cry sleep solution' advocates a routine, & I'm convinced it makes a difference. I'm not talking about a strict, rigid routine, I'm talking about a structure to the day... But then again, I accept that there are good sleepers & bad sleepers, not all babies are the same. It's just, I don't believe anymore (although I used to believe that) that leaving a baby completely create their own rythm means they'll at some point learn to sleep better. They might- or they might not; we all know of parents who are sleep deprived months or years down the line. My partner & I were headed in that direction (after 4 months of demand feeding) & that's when we decided to try to change things, & we quickly got results. By the way, we've never ever done anything that made us feel uncomfortable or that pushed our baby in anyway...

Anyway. Just my thoughts... I think that the most important thing is support, and that's quite hard to find nowadays, especially for couples (like us) who live on their own, without family around them

[alittlebitshy]

MARIA have c and p your post: so noone misses it at the end of old thead:

Morning everyone, wow, this thread moves very very quickly !!

We had a couple of bad nights- DS has a blocked nose poor thing, & we had to keep unblocking his nose a couple of times with that instrument of torture, the snot-sucker (which does its job, but babies definitely don't like it!). Lots of cuddling & breastfeeding went on in between to calm him down ...

As for sleep, yes, I agree that there are no support networks for modern mothers, and that's a huge shame (especially in the early post-partum period during which mothers are so sensitive anyway & need all the support they can get). However, I don't agree- or maybe I don't completely agree- that there is a pressure for mothers to get their babies to sleep through. I think parents themselves are really knackered- well at least they are in my circle- and try to find ways to get their babies to sleep more. In our case, just creating a bit of a routine in our day, after 4 months, has really helped with Linos' sleeping. And I think generally a routine- especially after a certain point- is a good idea & does help with sleep. Even the 'No cry sleep solution' advocates a routine, & I'm convinced it makes a difference. I'm not talking about a strict, rigid routine, I'm talking about a structure to the day... But then again, I accept that there are good sleepers & bad sleepers, not all babies are the same. It's just, I don't believe anymore (although I used to believe that) that leaving a baby completely create their own rythm means they'll at some point learn to sleep better. They might- or they might not; we all know of parents who are sleep deprived months or years down the line. My partner & I were headed in that direction (after 4 months of demand feeding) & that's when we decided to try to change things, & we quickly got results. By the way, we've never ever done anything that made us feel uncomfortable or that pushed our baby in anyway...

Anyway. Just my thoughts... I think that the most important thing is support, and that's quite hard to find nowadays, especially for couples (like us) who live on their own, without family around them

[alittlebitshy]

oops - cross posted maria

[alittlebitshy]

Just had postman deliver dd's school tunics which we ordered form the shop almost 3 weeks ago (she's been living in 1 so told NOT to spill lol) and one amazon parcel (a my naughty little sister book for her), but not my other amazon stuff - toys for ds (miamla will know which toys i mean....

[rotterpotter]

Phew Albs, well done!

[oopsacoconut]

Hellooo

Just getting on this thread then DD and I are going clothes shopping (for her) we are fast growing out of our 0-3month stuff and am oing to break out and buy some 3-6 month stuff! ASDA here we come - DH said no to my £85's worth of next stuff!

[cyteen]

nice one albs!

[alittlebitshy]

oops dd and i are having a morning out tomorrow (leaving ds and dh for a boy's morning ) and i HAVE to buy ds new clothes (9-12) cos they're a bit snug [bush]. When he has his BCG on Tues I had a struggle getting his chubby little arm out of the sleeve . I'm so excited i love shopping for the children's clothes!!!

[poppysocks]

Was just checking in quickly and saw that we were onto the new thread.

Ali - just wanted to say that I went back to work when DD1 was 7 months old. I remember leaving the nursery and feeling as though someone had reached inside me and was ripping out my guts. Being that bit older she had reached the super clingy stage and was v. distressed by it too. She settled down pretty quickly though and within a month would wave me off. In the long run it REALLY helped her to get used to other people and become less clingy and she gets so much from nursery now. I too went home and stocked the freezer, but unfortunately listened to Women's Hour, which was doing a special programme on how torn women feel between motherhood and work! So sorry that you're going through it now, but it will be fine and Adam will get loads from being a nursery.

Interesting the manager of DD1's nursery was saying how much more difficult it's become with the babies now that maternity leave has been extended as now they often start there just as separation anxiety is at its peak. She reckoned it was easier on them sub-six months.

[Maria2007]

Alittlebitshy- it's amazing (and scary) how quickly they grow isn't it... We had so many 3-6 month clothes (because that's what everyone brought for a gift) & now none of those fit DS
BTW thanks for re-posting what I wrote

[pertelote]

Maria I don't want to speak for Sibh but when she said women felt pressure I don't think she meant that otherwise they'd be perfectly cheerful to be sleep deprived for years on end! Surely the point is that we do feel pressure - generally (perhaps most clearly when it comes to feeding) in both directions, so that no matter what we do/choose, we think people are disapproving of it! It might not be 'real', or it might be countered by equal pressure in the opposite direction, but it is a genuine and undermining perception.

Bother, must post and run! Meant to meet DH for lunch. Sorry... Hope this makes sense!

[sambo303]

lovely new thread albs - loved that book my naughty little sister - especially the story where she hides her crusts behind a drawer (or something like that ??)

maria and albs I have experienced pressure re sleeping through from my dp's sister and my parents as in 'surely that baby is sleeping through now'. I think they cant remember what its like with a small baby plus they had some weird practices back then ie only bf 10 mins each side and start weaning at 2 weeks (my sister was given food at 2 weeks on doctor's advice ) . Plus I put pressure on myself when talking to other mums whose babies DO sleep through and I start to think, I'm doing some thing wrong PLUS additional pressure of trying to help DP get some sleep cos he's struggling at work. Some of my NCT friends have started early weaning (at 4 months ) because of false signs eg waking in the night after sleeping through and pressure from their own mothers (eg you were on solids at 3 months ans you're ok) NB their babies still wake in the night!

[Alieight]

Well done albs - down to the wire there...

Just dropped Adam off - he cried when I left . THink he has worked out that nursery = no mummy for the day .

Oops I popped into Sainsbury's just now to buy some veg, somehow found myself on the baby clothes aisle , ended up buying 4 T-shirts for Adam for a penny each! [loves a bargain emoticon]

Maria Poor little Linos! Agree babies don't like the snot-sucker, but Adam prefers it to our first try when he was really bunged up - we didn't have a snot-sucker and I ended up sucking the snot out of his nose with my mouth so he could feed! [bleaurgh emoticon].Take your point about no pressure for sleeping through, I suppose I mean that there's a considerable amount of expectation that babies will. I can't count the number of times I was asked if Adam was sleeping through, even at ridiculously young ages. I do agree that a routine can help, in the same way it can help adults - if you're getting up at roughly the same time every day, it becomes easier to get up at that time, and the same with sleep, it can just take some adjustment. I wasn't at all suggesting you were pushing Linos (love that name btw) in any way. It's just that having ignored completely read the book that my [v rigid routine] SIL gave me, I think it would be very easy to assume that you were doing something wrong by having a baby that didn't sleep through the night. Obviously if the situation is making you miserable, then you should see what you can do to change it - I just think that some sleep-training books/methods go too far in what they suggest.

Having said all of that, I say it from the standpoint of a mum to a very good sleeper ...although tbh I don't think there's anything I've really done to make Adam sleep well, he just does.

Right, I am off to have a long hot bath and read a book...haven't done that in months!

[sambo303]

right, I'm taking the bus as ds is still hoarse and has been sneezing a bit. Phew! It looks grim out there

[PetitFilou1]

Right where is CC I need someone to pray for me to gather the strength to carry on today

Toby fed three times in the night and then ds1 woke us up at 5 fecking 30 am. This was after last night me patiently explaining that if the clock said a 6 or a 7 he could come in. Well that didn't work then didn't it.

I went to my pilates session this morning (which didn't go too well as Toby woke up after 10 minutes) and was so tired that had to stop and think which way I was driving. Being this tired is like having a few drinks only without the fun.

poppysocks I love your comment that staying off the rest of MN is the best thing for your parenting atm. I'm with you there.

As for the weaning, decided am not really properly prepared so am leaving it temporarily. However Toby was really angry this morning when I didn't give him food when the others were eating. In the end I had to give him a toast crust to chew on. I am not going NEAR the weaning section on here in future as I am now really confused and beforehand would have just got on with it.

[Alieight]

x-posts with everyone there - thank you to everyone telling me Adam will be fine - for some reason I really needed to hear that .

Have started sorting out Adam's 9-12 month stuff . He's not that chubby, but he's really long, so he grows out of sleepsuits and vests really quickly. Haven't really been clothes shopping for him much - my sister gave me a huge pile of clothes, I bought some things at an NCT sale last year and then got a HUGE bag of clothes 9-24months off Freecycle [stingy emoticon]. But then I tend not to spend money on things I don't need anyway, especially as it's joint money - it just feels weird.

Last week DP told me to go shopping and spend a hundred quid or so on myself. This was v unusual as we never spend money on ourselves unless it's for something we need...spent an entire afternoon shopping and spent £60, couldn't really think of wha tto buy with the rest . Do have lovely new pair of boots now though (£35 down from £145!).

RIght, definitely having bath now

[Alieight]

Passes pf bucket of strength to get through day, also large thermos flask of hot coffee.

[ataraxis]

just getting this on my threads. very energetic ds2 here today with me so no not much peace.

dd slept marvelously - ds1 AND ds2 however, were another matter.

cc my dh says no snip just in case all the other males in the world were eliminated and it was down to him to repopulate the human race

[AnnVan]

Morning all
Ataraxis love your dh's comment. DP says he will never have the snip. I think well in that case he'd better be prepared for more kids than he actually wants.

[sambo303]

lol ann and wonderful comment from Mr Ataraxis

pf sorry for your rough night - hope you can squeeze a nap/lie down in at some point today

[sambo303]

btw just back from your weaning thread and can I just say hats off to CC and dizzy

[PetitFilou1]

Talking of the snip, my dh is having the snip in a week's time. I really hope it doesn't hurt too much as I will NEVER hear the end of it. buckets Where are you and is your dh still suffering???

Conjugal relations not resumed in this house until snippage has taken place. I am taking no chances.... am absolutely resolute I am never getting pregnant again much as I love my dear dcs

[Steaknife]

I've been mulling over this issue of pressure on parents for their children to eat/sleep/poo or whatever a certain way. My thoughts went along the lines that it is true that we don't have the extended family/community networks of past times and so books and online communities help inform us where we might otherwise have had information by word of mouth.

However, the downside is that books tend to only present one way of doing things each. And who can afford to buy all the different books to be informed enough about all myriad different ways to do something? So folk often stick to only one way of doing something.

So then you go on a forum and try to find some information, however forums seem to polarise views even more.

So in a nutshell, yes books etc replace old fashioned word of mouth, but tend to polarise views which increases confusion and pressure by self on self.

Just my mullings.

Hope that last bit makes sense, got to go Izzy doing a weeks worth of poo all in one go. She is very pleased with herself.