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Welcome to muslim tea room 2.

(1000 Posts)
defuse Mon 30-Dec-13 22:18:47

Peace to you all smile

Ok, well here it is again...we have moved to room 2 now grin

Discuss whatever aspect of islam you like my lovely sisters - this is a place for muslims and non-muslims too, to share experiences, raising kids or just having your say! smile

The kettle is on.... We have loads of herbal teas, coffee and guava juice .... I like guava juice grin so welcome! smile


Elusive Sat 04-Oct-14 13:36:10


To each and every lovely sister, to those who posted and those who lurked.

Love the 'ready and distributed' terminology grin

Just got the Eid lunch ready, baked a cake and having a party tomorrow!!!!!!

Love you all for the sake of Allah.

Hugs and kisses!!!!!!!!!!!

And thanks

crescentmoon Fri 03-Oct-14 03:53:44

Salams sisters- Jumma mubarak/Blessed Friday. Thanks for the reminder fuzzy, all this week I kept telling myself to try to fast for dhul hijjah month since it started but I lose the himmah/resolve halfway through the morning! However this day, this Arafat day right here, I'm going to do it inshallah bi idhnillah. (I have a lot of things to expiate for.) I'm excited about Eid as its a weekend One so lots of family can come together. But still the same old division- some people we know are doing it Sunday based on moon sighting not based on what's going on in the hajj. at least we can have a two day celebration though inshaallah.

greeneggs we still haven't sorted out our qurbani yet well done you! We normally do it with a group of others and all send our money together to buy a small flock of sheep to be 'readied and distributed' (a nice euphemism for our more delicate sisters reading! wink )out to the poor over there. But it hasn't followed through this year so we will just do it by Islamic reliefs qurbani page. Do people use turkeys to decorate Christmas cards/cakes? I'm seeing lots of Eid il adha Decorations with cute looking sheep on the front. Huge Eid cakes as well/ I find it quite funny but abit in your face too!

Seriously now. Eid mubarak for tomorrow everyone! Alhamdullillah we saw this tearoom thread through to the end elusive. It's been fun and iv learnt so much to apply in my own life from the conversations on these last three Threads and through pms (!). Alhamdullillah to get to know each and every single sister across them all. And If not in this life - since we all enjoy our purdah here! - maybe we can join faces to names in the next! (Under the shade of the Throne inshaallah all of us!)

May the peace and blessings of God be upon sayidduna muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa salaam), on his family and companions. And forgive my sins, oh Best of Those Who Forgive.

Over and out lovelies! asalaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakahtahu - May the peace and mercy and blessings of God be upon you all xxxxxxxxxx

fuzzywuzzy Thu 02-Oct-14 09:14:47


The day of Arafah is tomorrow, those who wish to can also fast tomorrow, doing so expiates last years and the coming years sins Inshallah.

Remember to make loads of Duas tomorrow for the Ummah and for all of us.

Found this to be a beautiful reminder.

Elusive Sat 27-Sep-14 23:44:25

Salaam greeneggs and everyone

Eid has come by so quickly and I have loads to do yet. Trying to prepare an Eid menu at the moment. I would be quite happy eating out, but need to create an Eid atmosphere at home for the kids, so therefore I shall stand at the cooker and prepare home made stuff instead. smile

This thread has come to a standstill, so I have finally decided not to create another thread. If anybody else wishes to, then I shall post whenever I get a chance, but I don't see much point in starting another one at the moment.

So on that note, salaam to everyone from me. Have a lovely Eid sisters. You are all a wonderful bunch.


greeneggsandjam Fri 26-Sep-14 23:25:02

Salam all

Just swinging by to say hello really. I never seem to get a minute to come here these days. Who would have thought Eid would come round so quickly. I have made no plans/bought no present/food/clothes so am doing really well. I have got the Qurbani sorted so I suppose that's the main thing!

crescentmoon Sat 20-Sep-14 19:39:28

on chand raats i love them less for the pre Eid self care and more that chand raats let me see loads of local sisters and have a good gossip catch up whilst we sit around waiting for our henna and threading to be done! i think gatherings of muslim sisters are so cool even as an insider, the topics can change so frequently and its everything from grammar school prep to ME peace process to fiqh of makeup to hadith on in law troubles to where to buy the cheapest hijabs to theological differences between sects to whether halal mortgages really are interest free etc. i love that! i think the last three muslim chat threads here have been abit similar too except much much much slower! God Willing the next tearoom thread you (lot) start will have abit more pace to it!

please read fatiha for me lovelies. iv got some things in real life im really excited about and some things that im dreading not so enthused about, which is the sunnah of life anyway. smile but thats all il say about it as i want to finish this thread on a good note and not go on about troubles. plus iv got good rl support for this, including, surprisingly this time, my husband! (who normally would be in the background saying sotto voce 'Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves' (Quran, 13:11)!!))

anyone sorted out their Qurbani donation yet? Islamic Relief are making it so easy again this year

Elusive Fri 19-Sep-14 00:12:28

Salaam all,

Hope everyone is well.

Just wanted to say jumma mubarak - Happy Friday! grin

Jazakallah khair crescent for your lovely post and suggestions. I am going to give more sadqah today inshallah - it's jumma!!!!!!!

I need to get on with Eid clothes shopping. I like how they are doing a chaand raat for big eid sis lol! But I love chaand raat. It really feels like Eid then! Dont know if anything is planned here for chaand raat, but they only tend to do chaand raat after Ramadan. How many times have i said chaand raat!!!

I think i will start another thread when this one ends. By the looks of things, it might take another week for this one to end lol! please don't feel compelled to post on new thread grin but it will be there just in case anybody wants to say hello.

Just thought.....does anybody else want to start up the next tea room thread?

crescentmoon Thu 18-Sep-14 12:43:32

that is amazing mashaallah elusive! mabruk mabruk. how much relief must you be feeling now? subhanallah wal hamdullillah. im so happy for you, sounds like it was alot more serious than even i had guessed! (my next post was to remind you to get onto your trade union too!).

its shocking how things can just come out of nothing in an instant and then later dissipiate into nothing all in an instant isnt it? after all that worry and stress alhamdullillah. its so good that you gave sadaqah even before knowing the outcome, (and nothing is too small with Him (swt)). i think the best way to express that huge gratitude you feel is again through sadaqah elusive, what do other sisters think? just as a way to pay it forward that other people may share the barakah of your happy news this week love. as quickly as you gave the first time, give now again just as quickly.

please read fatiha for me as well sisters. (jazakhallah for your pm elusive, and yup im totally prepared to be made out the wicked witch of the west (and she was misunderstood too!)).

has anyone sorted out their Eid clothes yet? i never realised how seriously people still keep the new clothes tradition even into adulthood until recently, especially the bengali british sisters i know mashaallah. with just over 2 weeks left till Eid im looking forward to that weekend too inshaallah. i plan to buy the eid clothes for the children next Saturday (right after payday!). half of my excitement for Eid is that there will be a Chand Raat (night of the moon) in my city this time and that for me is nearly the best part - Eid henna is so much more fun when its in the company of lots of other sisters all coming together to get ready the night before Eid!

Elusive Wed 17-Sep-14 22:55:49

Salaam all,

Hope everybody is well.

I am well purely by the grace of Allah sisters! I am still in shock at how things have turned in my favour. I am not exaggerating when I say that i was denied the opportunity of legal representation due to being kept in the dark about the situation, I had no opportunity to lawyer up, nor could I have afforded it in all honesty as I was already looking at legal costs for a case I never knew about! I was even unable to self-represent because I found out so late. The 'big foe' completely blindsided me. The worst thing was, I had no hard evidence against the foe and them making a legal battle out of a non-issue was uncalled for.

All i did was make dua. I read duas about seeking refuge in Allah. I made so many phone calls in the 2 days i had and not a single call got me a satisfactory answer. I decided to set up a twitter account and tweet! All i did was ask the company why nobody has communicated with me. I didnt say anything horrible or about the case.

The next day was the day of the final judgement, ( yes, i didnt even know about the previous hearings!) out of the blue, the company phoned me and dropped the case! Just like that! I came away without having to pay anything! Sisters, I was looking at having to potentially pay thousands, maybe up to £20,000 in legal costs as the company has it's in-house legal team and could have charged me whatever they liked and I would have had no way of challenging it!

I am still in shock. I still don't get it.
Allah made this happen. Allah turned their hearts. I have no other explanation! It most certainly wasn't as a result of anything that I did. I am absolutely awed at the majesty and mercy of Allah. What is even more humbling is that I most certainly am not worthy - I do not possess any of the qualities attributed to those who are 'pious' yet Allah helped me in such a way that i came away from it all unscathed.

Oh, the only money I parted with was £10 as sadaqah when i was dumbfounded about the existence of this case. I gave such a tiny amount in sadaqah and Allah gave me such a massive massive return! Subhanallah.

So sisters, please tell me how I should thank Allah. What is the best way of thanking Allah? I have done sujood for gratitude, but how else can I show gratitude? This was a massive deal for me and I have come away from it unscathed only because Allah protected me. I need to say thank you. I just dont know how else to say it. How can I be a better person to try and show Allah that i am grateful?

I have written all this, not to show off, but to say that Allah is everyone's Lord. He listens to us, even if we don't listen to Him. His mercy truly encompasses everything and everyone. We just have to keep asking and He will give, whether it's now or in the next world, our prayers do not go unanswered.

Hasbunallahu Wa Ni’mal Wakeel.
ni'mal Mawla wa ni'man Naseer
Sufficient for us is Allah, and He is the Best Guardian.
The Excellent Protector and the Excellent Helper!

Wow! My post is long!

crescentmoon Mon 15-Sep-14 18:19:19

also read hizb ul Nasr - the litany of victory. its an 800 year old sufi dua written by Imam Abu al Hasan Al Shadhili, the founder of the Shadhilliya tariqah/order and was doing the rounds recently on facebook and muslim websites as one of the prayers to read for Gaza.

i recommend reading the full translation in the pdf here:

its a very emotional and desperate prayer and though its a battle prayer its one read by those in a situation of being taken into a war they dont want to be in. when their land/rights are taken and they are struggling to get them back because the other side is too powerful. you might find it useful.

i listened to Shaykh Hamza Yusuf's recent Global Tawbah lecture in Malaysia this weekend.the refutation of the modern day khwarij that is ISIS is here:

but i recommend sisters listen to his full lecture also. very fascinating and giving the sunni traditional orthodox positions on ISIS, the arab spring, jihad, on the ones who call for khilafah, even the environment and climate change, i spent all day sunday looking up the hadith and verses from the quran and found them as he said. to me it was a very powerful and informative lecture

crescentmoon Mon 15-Sep-14 17:49:31

salams elusive i really hope things work out my sister. its great you have prayed the Guidance prayer salat ul istikhara, and have tawakkal Allah/trust in Allah. jazakhallah khair for sharing those prayers with us sis,never be shy to admit being out of your depth or overcome with Allah. i always think of the the prayer of sayidna Nuh/Noah (as):
"rabbi innee maghloobun, fantas'ir'
"O Lord, verily I am overcome, so help me" (Quran, 54:10)
when i feel overwhelmed by the travails of life. in fact i find the sunnah duas you posted above (by Muhammad (pbuh)) and the various quranic duas on tribulation/crisis humanise the prophets of old, also bring me close to them (peace be upon them all), knowing that they also faced adversity and worldly crises.

keep making dua but also tie your camel first. Anas ibn Malik reported: A man said, “O Messenger of Allah, should I tie my camel and trust in God, or should I untie her and trust in God?” The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Tie her and trust in God.” (At-Tirmidhi 2517)

to sis tiptop i mentioned this verse:

"And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend." (Quran 41:34).

and with most people that will be enough to put good will and feeling where there used to be bad will and feeling. but there are some people that kindness from you or humbleness will be taken as weakness and make them more likely to be hostile to you, or add to their hostility. because they only respect strength of power or something like cunning/conniving, not the strength from taking the 'higher road'. and it sounds elusive like your dealing with those types of people from what you said in your last post. so, by all means try the advice of 41:34, but, if that doesnt work, then the Quran also gives other advice for dealing with that type of person.

its going to be strange but im going to give you one of the famous war verses islamophobes use to say that the Quran is a book of violence. but actually, its not a verse about violence but a verse about deterring war and violence.

"And prepare against them whatever you are able of power and of steeds of war by which you may terrify the enemy of God and your enemy and others besides them whom you do not know [but] whom God knows.And whatever you spend in the cause of God will be fully repaid to you, and you will not be wronged." (8:54)

how? because the message of it was to tell the early muslims to make a show of being ready for battle so that the well equipped and powerful Quraysh and the unknown others behind the Quraysh who would wish to fight would be too intimidated and scared by that show of strength to attack. it was a radical departure from the pacifism that Muhammad (pbuh) and his followers had practised for the first 13 years in makkah against the Qurayshi persecution. their pacifism never softened the hearts of Quraysh to them because they took it as a sign of weakness and fear, not that the early muslims had not been given permission to fight back. the deliberate pacifism of the first 13 years of Islam to the Quraysh only emboldened them to be more and more cruel, and they followed the muslims even after they left Makkah to Abbysinnia and Madinah to persecute them there.

ok enough with the short history piece, how to apply verse (8:54) practically to your situation in the 21st century? how does that link in with 'tying your camel'?

to me it means LAWYER UP elusive my sister, get someone well known in fighting such cases as yours and whose name will intimidate your 'foes' that you are firm and serious and resolute. show those people giving you a hard time that you are not helpless against their conniving and scheming and that you can stand up for yourself. get everything ready, collect evidence, gather allies and people on your side and take it to tribunal/court. hopefully they will come to their senses and offer a settlement with you, and if they do offer then take it, because the verse right after the 'war' verse is a 'peace' verse...

"And if they incline to peace, then incline to it [also] and rely upon Allah . Indeed, it is He who is the Hearing, the Knowing." (8:55)

Elusive Sat 13-Sep-14 01:03:05

Salaam sisters.

Hope everyone is well. I am having a bit of a difficult time at the moment. I am facing a battle with a very big 'foe' who has used underhanded tactics. I am deliberately being vague but what I have written sounds quite dramatic doesn't it! grin

Please pray for me sisters that Allah helps me against those in places of power. Alhamdulillah, I have my health, my family, so I really can't complain. Allah says that He will test us with our children, life or wealth. Out of all three, wealth is the easiest one to be tested with Inshallah. I just hope I pass the test. I have been reading lots of duas. What is amazing is that every dua I read, i can relate it to my situation and the dua gives me peace. Its the beauty of these duas isnt it? Still so relevant in the many situations which may be very different from one another.

اللَّهُمَّ إِنَّا نَجْعَلُكَ فِي نُحُورِهِمْ وَنَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنْ شُرُورِهِمْ
"O Allah, we make you the turner of the (enemies) chest (heart) and seek refuge in You from their evils".

اللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجُو فَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ وَأَصْلِحْ شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ
"O Allah, I hope for Your mercy, do not leave me for even the duration of an eye blink (duration) and correct my total condition. Besides You there is none worthy of worship".

إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ اللَّهُمَّ أَجِرْنِي فِي مُصِيبَتِي وَاخْلُفْ لِي خَيْرَاً مِنْهَا
"Definitely we are from Allah and to Him is our return. O Allah, grant reward in my calamity and grant in its place a good substitute".

I have seen better translations for these duas, but can't look for them right now.

Please make dua for me sisters. Its all a bit daunting but I have prayed Istikhara and salaatul haajah. So inshallah whatever happens now will be for the best. Tawakkal Allah.

Writing all this was also therapeutic! thanks

crescentmoon Fri 12-Sep-14 09:19:33

Jumma Mubarak/Blessed Friday everybody,

how is everyone? for sisters whose kids go to school, how is it like being back to the old routine? the school run's getting me already counting down till half term (6 more weeks here!).

tiptops i totally understood your point here 'There is a definite temptation to withhold these little acts of kindness though, but you're right, I need to put those feelings aside and continue with the Sunnah way.'

this is the great Jihad, and why the prophet (pbuh) made it part of his Sunnah. i also find it very difficult with 'those' relatives to the extent that over the years iv cut down on alot of ibadah/worship acts (just keeping to the main 5 pillars) in order to give me the energy to keep up and maintain the kin relationships that Allah will ask me about. its not a problem specifically to reverts heritage muslims can also have these problems with family too. i find when i cant do silat ur rahm out of love then i switch to mercy, when i cant find that mercy i switch to tolerance, when i cant find that tolerance i switch to duty, and when i cant find that sense of responsibility/duty to the other person within myself i just remember Yawmal Qiyamah!

Squishing* i totally agreed with your last post about the views we read online. peaceful just concentrate on the good you see from people and dont let extreme islamophobia views online make you despair of the thoughts of people around you. Umar ibn al Khattab said 'Whoever manifests to us good, we will entrust them and bring them closer, and it is not for us to investigate their intentions – God will take them into account for their intentions...'

peacefuloptimist Thu 11-Sep-14 06:40:28

You are absolutely right squishing that the vast majority of people are perfectly normal and friendly. I think I do have a tendency to focus on the negative ones (despite the name grin) and I have to just train myself to forget the one person and remember the many more who smiled or were polite. I think it just gets you down when you read a lot of the extreme comments and then you experience some unpleasantness in real life but your right its not healthy. Jazakhallah khairan for the lovely reminder sis.

squishinglittlefatcheeks Wed 10-Sep-14 19:31:20

Peaceful - praying for you. IA Allah SWT will make it all easy for you.

You got me thinking with what you were saying about how there are some very islamophobic opinions being thrown around in the media and on some threads here. I think it's really important to remember that often we only hear from the people who have extreme views - and this goes for both sides. Like we usually only hear on the news about crazy fundamentalists with extreme views - this taints people's perceptions of what a 'Muslim' is; similarly often on here we only hear from people who have extreme views of an anti-muslim nature. The more moderate people are less compelled to share their opinion. Same as the more moderate Muslims aren't making a big noise about how normal they are. I hope this makes sense. I think it is unhelpful to feel the world is against you. Chances are that if you speak to a lot of real people you will find that many of them realise that Muslims are ok. Don't give up on that hope - nasty looks here and there are not nice but are also fewer than the number of people who don't throw a look - its just that it's easier to remember the one person who made you feel uncomfortable.

peacefuloptimist Sat 06-Sep-14 11:56:09

Salams all

Subhanallah now we have 20 posts left till the end of the thread the conversation is moving so slowly. Wonder how long we can stretch it out until. grin No agreement yet as to whether to start a new thread? I can see both sides really. Yes it is nice to just dip in and out of the thread when times are good but if someone needs advice/help and is left hanging for a few days as no one has replied on the thread it can look kind of mean. Anyway not sure if I would come back to mumsnet without our thread. The atmosphere has become noticeably unfriendly and it can really get you down. Ignorance is bliss in some ways. Then when you see someone staring at you or giving you a nasty look you can imagine that it is because they have mistaken you for the wrong person/woken up on the wrong side of bed rather then they hate your guts and see you as just another one of those mozlems that is ruining the country/world. I know, I know I sound a bit over dramatic but seriously reading some of the threads on here related to Islam and muslims is making me become a bit agoraphobic (sp?).

I went on a trip to the seaside with a friend of mine, her dc and ds and I was absolutely dreading it coming up to the date and almost cancelled because of the thought of how we would be received there. It ended up being a really lovely day out (one nasty look from a woman but in general no glares) with lots of people being really kind and friendly. I dont know why I have this paranoia now about travelling around the UK on my own as I used to travel up and down the country without a care when I was younger. I think in part things have become a bit worse with regards to islamophobia and also having ds makes me more nervous and upset about getting in to hostile situations. I can handle people being nasty to me but the idea of him experiencing that makes me feel sick and teary.

Anyway sorry for putting a bit of a downer on the thread. My pregnancy hormones are making me overemotional. Im almost near the end now. Alhamdulillah. Bit up and down at the moment though health-wise. Doesnt help that Im going to be working nearly up to my due date due to being a bit of a pushover at work and wanting to cause the minimum amount of inconvenience. Im starting to look forward to when dc2 arrives Inshallah. Please make dua for me sisters that these last few months go well for me and baby is born healthy with a complication free labour. Not asking for much am I? grin

Anyway nice to read your lovely posts and be bathed in your comforting presence and words even though it is virtual. Must get back to rl now whilst ds has a nap and I can watch great british bake off get some work done.

Tiptops Fri 05-Sep-14 02:31:34

Crescent Thank you for your lovely message, it sounds silly but the solidarity and support amongst the Ummah is so reassuring. I know I'm doing the right thing, but sometimes I have doubts purely because of the reactions/ complications of other people. I hope this is normal for a revert, and usually once the immediate upset of a situation has passed, my resolve to stick with what I believe becomes stronger. But it is lovely to have support, so thank you for that.

R.e. your second post I do enjoy looking after and helping other people so fortunately those sort of things you described I do without thinking. There is a definite temptation to withhold these little acts of kindness though, but you're right, I need to put those feelings aside and continue with the Sunnah way.

Hope everyone with little ones is getting back in to the school routine smile

Elusive Thu 04-Sep-14 01:07:40

Salaam squishing.

Don't have a recipe but I read that as children satay skewers! Did a double take!

Yes, Clarks a day before schools start, fun isnt it?! grin. cres I have completed the school uniform challenge for now. Just waiting for items to gradually go missing now!

It's bedtime.

Goodnight all!

squishinglittlefatcheeks Wed 03-Sep-14 19:06:34

Salaams all

I also got caught in the pre-back to school shoe madness. My DD is not school age yet but happened to need to new shoes and off I went merrily to Clark's where I was confronted with total mayhem. Note to self: be aware of back to school dates! DD enjoyed it though, she picked every shoe off the shelf to try on and even went after the boys shoes.

On a different note, I am attempting to make chicken satay skewers tomorrow for my friend at dinner. Anyone got a good recipe?

crescentmoon Tue 02-Sep-14 20:40:39

salams sisters, kids back at school tomorrow this will be me after drop off!

elusive, you talk about people dashing around, sisterrr you did not see me in town yesterday running about the place until the shops closed trying to find uniform for my three! i used to try to get away with asda school shoes but i know within 2 months theyll be battered. now i try to buy more expensive shoes that will last the whole school year. it makes sense, buy expensive cry only once, buy cheap cry twice (the second time because cheap things break easily!). 2 years ago i got a practically new pair of clarks shoes from my local charity shop for middle child that stayed a long time. i tried looking in all my local ones but didnt see any so had to go and buy them first hand.

c'mon only 20 posts left lets try to finish the thread on a nice note for defuse

Elusive Sun 31-Aug-14 00:09:24

Salaam all, hope all is well.

crescent How do you do the turban? Show me a pic of what the turban looks like.

As for the school dinners, i am more worried that the younger DCs will eat the spag bol etc at school because it's ok to eat as mummy makes it at home! I have mentioned that they can't and explained why but I did get confused looks from the younger ones!

my sister's school had a full trial run before holidays where parents choose what their kids will have for the week ahead. My school didn't even send a letter! I shall check when they go to school what the system is and I shall send them in with a packed lunch just in case!

Today I went looking for school shoes and it was quite amusing to find everyone dashing around Clarks, Charles Clinkard and John Lewis trying on school shoes. I am not amused with the prices! £35 upwards for a pair of school shoes. My older dd can easily get away with wearing Asda school shoes, but with the younger one i always need to faff about with her shoe fittings. Today, even the Clarks and Start-rite shoes didn't fit properly! So i am at a loss as to what to do now! I am tempted to send her to school in her non-school shoes!

Back to the shops tomorrow....

crescentmoon Fri 29-Aug-14 18:05:42

salams elusive,iv had in laws visiting over the last few days so its been Stepford, Connecticut up here in this house. [folds hands and bats eyes becomingly] wink. i was just coming on to say Jumma Mubarak/Blessed Friday! thank God its the last Friday of the summer hols here and the kids and i survived it. Takbeer! - Allahu Akbar, Takbeer! - Allahu Akbar.

(dreading getting back to the school run though, ych!)

im in exactly the same boat as you uniform wise, i was a marks and sparks uniform mummy until this last year when i switched to asda. in fact i tried to order some asda school shirts with my online grocery shopping last night! but the delivery man only today told me they didnt have it in stock so now i have to venture into town with the kids in tow tomorrow. hopefully at least their dad will come with to help me shepherd them shop to shop. i wish i had done it right after school had ended instead of now [sigh]. every year i say the same damn thing!

i dont think you are overthinking at all about the school lunches. you need to think through if your kids are sensible enough to choose the right foods on their own with all the rush of lunchtime. i doubt dinner ladies will be able to tell who is who when it comes to meat versus fish dishes, and some children have that sense before year 2 and some dont! i think veg cooked food looks quite boring compared to the meaty dinners so its about lower nafs over higher nafs, its hard when theyre younger kids. also give them lots of non asian type meals at home so they wont think the school shepherds pie is that exotic and new! im keeping mine on packed lunches this year inshaallah, trying to cut down outgoings though it will be abit more bother. i just hope, (against all odds!) that il be organised enough to do their lunches the night before every day. thats my pie in the sky plan.

im loving instagram at the moment sisters, following lots of hijabi bloggers online - british ones, american ones, malaysian ones. im really into turban styles and though i only planned to wear them during ramadan (because of the hot weather!) i have ended up carrying on through the summer. i wear a ninja hijab underscarf for coverage underneath then wrap the turban above.

Elusive Fri 29-Aug-14 17:14:09

Knock knock

Anybody home? smile

Has everyone survived the school holidays? grin

As always, I have left everything till the last minute. Need to do a mad dash for uniforms. When DCs first started school, i used to get their uniforms from John Lewis. It took just a few months to see sense and go to Asda instead! grin The loss of an Asda cardigan doesn't feel so bad as the loss of a John Lewis one! Still am not completely satisfied with plimsolls as they never seem to fit well, so thinking of buying cheap trainers for PE instead.

This year, all children up to y2 will be given free school meals. i send DCs without a Packed lunch or do I send in a drink and snacks? Do i need to specify to the school that DCs only allowed pescetarian diet or will they already know this and not offer the younger DCs anything non-halal?
DCs kind of know what to eat and what not to eat but i do get worried that they might think it ok to eat meat at school because mum makes it at home! Or am i overthinking it all?

crescentmoon Sun 24-Aug-14 21:20:25

so if its so bad that you cant speak easily with each other, practical ways would be things like gift giving

based on the hadith “Shake hands with one another and hatred will vanish, exchange gifts and you will love one another and rancor will be known no more.”
(Muwatta’ of Imam Malik 2:908)

or even basic khidmah/ service, around the house you all share. so that they can see islam made you a better person. it might not be the big news topics out there, sometimes what people like the one who argued with you fears is that once their family member becomes muslim they will cut them out of their new lives,or turn into a recluse, only mix with other muslims not family, etc. you need to show the opposite, that you are more keen to maintain and uphold silat ur rahm (ties of kinship) based on that alone whatever their spiritual state. thats what is shown from the stories of the early muslims with their pagan parents and relatives.
obviously your mother has a different status to second cousins twice removed, they cant all be the same level, i dont know who the person you are having trouble with is, but try, even though its scary, to put yourself out there and make the overtures to that person.
do small practical things around the house unobtrusively but making life more pleasant and easier for those you live with even if you cant for whatever reason all sit together and talk. wash up even if its not your turn, cook/bake food for them, take out the rubbish before others have to, small simple quiet things that dont need much talking over just doing. you might find in two years you dont even want to move out, that things might have improved so much between you all!

crescentmoon Sun 24-Aug-14 21:01:14

salams dear sisters, how is the bank holiday weekend going?

fuzzy, the last paragraph in your last post had me pondering and reconsidering assumptions and positions all week.

quietly, those words shook me and really humbled me. everytime i started a reply to you to ask "what if you dont have the time and money to work to all their strengths and choices? what if you only have enough resources to try to pull the academically weakest up to the others?'. everytime i was going to ask you that, i stopped to think if it really was that in my case, or was it just my own way of prioritising. i thought to myself could i not try harder and expend more time and energy? iv been changing plans and things all week fuzzy, some of them alot more costly than id initially set, just on that last sentence you put.

sis tiptop i really feel for you and i cant add much more to what sis elusive and others have said. (i really liked that dua sis elusive had put. iv been quietly reading it to myself all week as well.) theres a book i read years ago you might find useful called Daughters of Another path, about the sometimes fraught relationships between convert women and their mothers about their new faith and religion. full pdf here. it would be a good gift for your family members in helping them understand and find common ground with you from the experiences of other converts and families.

as for you situation right now living with them and they're being so hostile. i really agreed with elusive advice saying to keep being kind to them. its so very hard but theyre your kin/relatives - Islam gives them a high station whether muslim or non muslim. you might wish to keep away in your room or not speak to them or 'why would i help them when they treat me so badly'. but really, responding to unkind words and behaviour with calmness and good manners is what will help that person's heart reconcile to you and your life decisions inshaallah.

just for general advice with enemies, frenemies and the like:

""And not equal are the good deed and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend.""
(Quran 41:34).
iv tried this with certain people, it really works. not friends yet, but much better than before.

if that person who said that unkind stuff to you was a parent, then even though they hate your being muslim the Quran says:

""...if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them ^but accompany them in [this] world with kindness...^""
(Quran 31:14-15) even if they try to turn you off from it or make you go another way, still keep company and treat them with kindness.

a couple of hadith too:

A man said to the muhammad (pbuh), “I have relatives with whom I try to keep in touch, but they cut me off. I treat them well, but they abuse me. I am patient and kind towards them, but they insult me.” The Prophet (pbuh) said, “If you are as you say, then it is as if you are putting hot dust in their mouths. Allah will continue to support you as long as you continue to do that.” [Sahih Muslim]

of course the human thing with relatives who are so difficult is to go non contact with them, or stop trying. but the prophet pbuh was saying in this hadith that all the reward goes on the person who perseveres in spite of being constantly pushed back by such kin, and Allah will keep on helping you with that. what they do with your kindness to them is between them and Allah and they will be accounted for that (they put hot dust in their own mouths), but you do your part and leave the rest to Him.

and if you cant manage all that then the minimum is not to retaliate, based on another hadith i read recently that im trying to actively implement properly:

Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "Do not be people without minds of your own, saying that if others treat you well you will treat them well, and that if they do wrong you will do wrong. Instead, accustom yourselves to do good if people do good and not to do wrong if they do evil."
- Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1325

life is so hard, but keep posting and let us have each other's company here inshaallah. xx

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