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another parent driving me insane

12 replies

MUMMYLJ · 03/12/2009 11:17

i am a reasonably strict mum to ds. my friend refuses to discipline her ds. my ds is very sweet natured and just wants to please but hers runs riot. we have taught our ds please and thank you and about sharing etc but when my friends ds snatches toys, hits screams bloody murder she doesnt take action. she has the attitude that if my ds isnt crying then her ds can do as he pleases. i know kids will be kids and understand she needs to teach him some things are not acceptable but its been going on far too long now. sometimes i tell him off but i feel i shouldnt as he is her ds, she should do it, but then where will it end? thinking of talking to her but she crys at the drop of a hat and i dont want her to think im lording it over her, not to mention telling her how to bring up her child.

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slushy06 · 03/12/2009 11:40

My mum does this with her dd I hate it as my ds is getting older it is also encouraging him to behave badly which I don't want and then end up shouting at him for something that is not really his fault. I have tried talking to her but as you said she cries says she will try but a week later all is back to normal but my sister is 8 now and it is starting to get to the point where she is actually nasty to my ds.

I have limited contact and if it were a friend I would probably only see her at the park and so on so that there are other kids present to minimize the effect.

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Ineedsomesleep · 03/12/2009 11:43

I have a friend like this too. Really don't want to talk to her about it for the same reasons as you. As a result I see her less and less but do suggest more times we can be together without the DC's.

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pinchmeimustbedreaming · 03/12/2009 12:48

thanks ladies, theres so much going on, the other day after several times of not disciplining her own ds she proceded to shout at my ds for quite a minor thing. i was in the room and thats my job to tell him off, shame she doesnt follow the same set of rules! i have thought of another idea, maybe if thats how she wants to bring her child up i should let her get on with it, but in my house he can not behave like that and i should tell her ds off myself. what do you think? x x nickname change

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FernieB · 03/12/2009 12:51

I also had a friend like this - we used to meet up every week at each others houses. She never disciplined her ds and quite often at our house he would jump on the table or try to empty the freezer. At her house, he would scream if one of mine tried to play with his toys. In the end, I got fed up and started making excuses not to see them.

I would avoid meeting up with them or meet at the park where the kids can play apart from each other or with other children.

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pinchmeimustbedreaming · 03/12/2009 13:07

we only meet at my house as i dont drive but we do go to the park nature trails soft play areas etc but no matter what we do or where we go he only wants my ds toys/activities. my ds knows about sharing his toys when others are about so thats not a problem. if her ds takes a toy my ds will find another and so it goes until i say if your taking that toy my ds can have 1 back from you, but no he screams the house down. he doesnt actually play with these toys either just doesnt want my ds to have them. i dont understand. i strongly feel its our responsibility as parents to look after these children and to make sure they are good people in the future. thought it was a no brainer that we all want good kids, maybe not!

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mistlethrush · 03/12/2009 13:32

I think that its reasonable to have a 'your house, your rules' option. I would also start off with offering her child the choice of toys to play with, before your child - but then ensure that your child gets to play with the thing that he has chosen.

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pinchmeimustbedreaming · 03/12/2009 13:38

yeah thats a good idea, we do kind of do that already but maybe i should reinforce it a bit more. i know they are just children my problem is with her parenting, i love the bones of this kid and it really upsets me to see him developing in this way

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FernieB · 04/12/2009 12:47

I would agree with your house your rules. Just saying "We don't snatch toys in this house" and removing the toy from him and giving it back to your ds should start to reinforce this a bit and also show him mum that you're not prepared to tolerate her sons behaviour.

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Monette · 04/12/2009 19:41

Parents like that infuriate me! for years i wondered how to approach the subject and often sat there seething and fuming. Now i plain outright say, he/she really shouldnt be doing that, its a tad unfair' Some mothers don't like my upfront attitude but after 11 years with one child and a 3 and a 4 year old...i just don't have the time for parents that can't be bothered to teach their children right and wrong, i just say what everyone else is thinking, like it or not.

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pinchmeimustbedreaming · 05/12/2009 10:47

thank you monette, iv been chatting to my dh about it although shes my friend its affectig his ds too and asked what his thought were as he has seen what goes on. he thinks that as this child goes to pre-school maybe we should leave it for the next couple of weeks and see if he changes his behavior, surely they will be treating him manners and sharing there! im not too convinced as i think its a power struggle thing with him and his mum, what do you guys think?

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Ineedsomesleep · 06/12/2009 08:40

I wouldn't wait to see if Pre-school changes him, it totally depends on the child and the Pre-school.

Some children can become more aggressive when in nursery/pre-school environments as they feel threatened and will snatch more.

When I spoke about my friend the problem with her son is actually much worse. Last time we met up he hit my son around the head with a cricket bat!

If its snatching I usually do the same as Fernie. All children do it and e've all missed the odd time that our DC's have done something like this but repeat offenders need telling! If she doesn't like the fact that you tell her son its just tough.

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pinchmeimustbedreaming · 07/12/2009 08:33

thank you ladies think i will see her less often and when i do see her and we are in my house if she doesnt tell him off i will have too, if he still does it in her house or in pre-school its her look out. i suppose we can only protect our own cant we? x

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