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Parenting

Hate it when MIL calls my baby spoilt

36 replies

RLSP0304 · 04/02/2019 00:48

Just venting really, but it's so frustrating when my MIL constantly refers to my baby as spoilt . He isn't even 6 months old yet!! This is based on the fact that I have enrolled him in baby swimming classes and completed a baby massage course. She feels the need to compare to how she raised her own family, primarily that they didn't have much because she couldn't afford to give them more. Having is not equal to being spoilt, it's not like he's remotely entitled he's a baby eye roll

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moredoll · 04/02/2019 00:56

Totally agree. Babies aren't spoilt because they get attention, or swimming classes,.or massage. It's an odd attitude to have. Just ignore.

Notmissmoneypenny · 04/02/2019 00:59

You can’t spoil a baby!

vinegarqueen · 04/02/2019 01:08

How annoying. You can't possibly spoil a baby except with neglect. Lots of people judge each other's parenting, but most of us are polite enough to realise that we need to keep it to ourselves (or a whinge on mumsnet!). I'd just laugh it off, OP.

Tolleshunt · 04/02/2019 01:30

She's likely feeling bad because she couldn't give her own kids those opportunities, but those feelings are uncomfortable for her, so she unconsciously twists them, and makes it a negative for your DC, to make herself feel better.

Of course your baby won't be spoilt by going to a couple of classes.

How do you want to handle it? Ignore it and change the subject? Laugh when she says it, and say something like 'oh, are you on about this again? I don't think you know what spoiling a child is, if you think this is it!'. Or 'times have changed, and we've all moved on since your day'...? Might be more diplomatic than a swift 'fuck off', tempting though that probably is....!

Fabaunt · 04/02/2019 01:50

I’d rather have been a spoilt baby than a nasty adult. Don’t worry OP. There’s no crime in loving your child thankfully

snitzelvoncrumb · 04/02/2019 01:55

I'm sure she actually means the baby is very loved, perhaps next time she gets her words mixed up you could correct her by saying yes the baby is very loved.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 04/02/2019 02:01

Totally agree with what Tolleshunt has said, my MIL and DM are the same regarding our 5 month old DS.

They don't mean anything mean by it, but it does grate on me. Like my DM complaining about taking shoes off in doors. I don't really want DS rolling around on grit, salt and dirt tracked in on footwear, never mind that it's just plain messy to do that at this time of year!

Another is my MIL describing DS as naughty as he isn't a great sleeper. Yes it drives us up the wall, but he's a baby, he can't be naughty by waking up!

Lana1234 · 04/02/2019 14:46

My DS gets called spoilt sometimes by nan and family. I don’t really take offence to it, I take it as a compliment in a way because we do have lots to do and he is forever getting new little toys and bits. Unless she is saying it in a critical way? Which is just silly, a loved, entertained and happy baby is in no spoilt

PerfectPeony · 04/02/2019 14:51

She’s probably just jealous. I’d just keep politely correcting her, it’s not a very nice term to use in my opinion. Especially as they get older.

Boyskeepswinging · 04/02/2019 14:56

When I started baby swimming classes with my DS my MIL actually said "No, he can't possibly learn to swim because I can't"

Butterflycookie · 04/02/2019 14:58

She probably means no harm. I don’t know many babies that get massages or go swimming. I remember when my cousin had a baby. She would spray him in baby perfume and put him in expensive clothes. Used to think the baby was quite spoilt. Although never said it to my cousins face.

Findingthingstough18 · 04/02/2019 15:54

She would spray him in baby perfume and put him in expensive clothes. Used to think the baby was quite spoilt.

a) WTF is baby perfume?
b) Whatever it is, how would it 'spoil' a baby? Do you imagine an adult going around demanding extra things because they smelt great as a baby?

MrsTerryPratcett · 04/02/2019 15:55

Benefit of the doubt... does she meant spoilt like "with these Ferraro Rocher you're really spoiling us"?

AuntieOxident · 04/02/2019 15:59

Many years ago I bought a perfume called Bon Point by niche perfumer Annick Goutal , it was gorgeous, light and neroli-ish, and I found out later that it was aimed at children!
Wish I could still get hold of it.
End of derail.....

OMGithurts · 04/02/2019 16:05

Butterflycookie lots and lots of babies have massages and go swimming. My childrens centre offered a very cheap, mega subsidised, baby massage course when DD was an infant. There are public and private baby swim classes every day of the week in our local area.

OP I like the idea of saying " not spoilt, but he is very loved and lucky" every time. It disagrees with her stupid spoilt statement but acknowledges your son's advantage in early life.

Gingerkittykat · 04/02/2019 16:10

I think it is generational thing. I remember my grandmother in the 80s complaining that kids these days don't know how lucky they are. In her case it was valid and she had grown up in real poverty, brought her kids up in poverty (a widow with 6 kids and no benefits) so what she saw was alien to her.

I think it's the same now. We see kids having stuff that just didn't exist when we were young, look back on our childhood as being great and think kids don't need half of the stuff they have.

I do think up to a point it is true. I think there's a lot of kids out there who do get given far too much material stuff, but taking your kids to swimming lessons and massage doesn't fit my definition of spoiled.

TheFishInThePot · 04/02/2019 16:17

I agree it's generational, my Nan and Mum always used to refer to babies as 'poor things' even when they were perfectly well looked after.
I think it's just shit people say that doesn't mean anything.

Spanglyprincess1 · 04/02/2019 16:20

I get this too from my sisters and bil. I keep saying you can't spoil a 6 MTH old - they mean attention. We do swimming and baby groups most days plus I spend a lot of time playing with him and reading stories.
I'm abck at work now and really miss him. I don't think giving a baby attention is spoiling a baby!!

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 04/02/2019 16:23

My now exmil was similar. Declared ds was ruined as he had so many toys.
All she ever handed him to play with was a coaster!! Had to physically remove him from her to plonk him near his toys!
If I handed any to her while she had him she just moved them out of his reach and gave him a coaster!

Helix1244 · 04/02/2019 16:29

Maybe she means in the sense you are wasting money on stuff (that the bany doesnt care about).

CarolDanvers · 04/02/2019 16:53

Why don't you say "spoilt? In what way? How is he spoilt? What's wrong with him? What exactly do you mean when you say "spoilt, what should I be doing differently to not be spoiling him?" Look worried while you say it.

Findingthingstough18 · 04/02/2019 16:59

Maybe she means in the sense you are wasting money on stuff (that the bany doesnt care about).

Well, yeah, that is what she means - I think the OP knows that? The point is that she's being pretty nasty to say this.

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Butterflycookie · 04/02/2019 19:45

@Findingthingstough18

Baby perfume does exist! I guess I thought the baby was spoilt because a baby doesn’t need perfume and it seemed quite extra. And why does saying that a baby is spoilt a bad thing? I’m sure if I had a good friend that had a baby, I would spoil them rotten. And buy them many gifts and toys.....is that bad?

I guess your mil was saying the baby is spoilt because I imagine when she had children massages and swimming weren’t common back then. Was born in the 90s and didn’t have that either. Some babies these days have designer clothes and fancy nurseries-things that babies don’t really need and will wear out of quickly. Doesn’t mean it wrong for babies to have these things but it can be seen as spoilt for older generations.

Findingthingstough18 · 05/02/2019 08:48

I think maybe we're talking at cross-purposes because we have different definitions/associations with spoilt? For me it's a really nasty thing to say - a spoilt child is one that no one likes, is unpleasant to be around. I mean, the term literally means 'ruined'. I wouldn't like anyone to say that my child was ruined. But I think it sounds like for you it has more affectionate connotations?

Crockof · 05/02/2019 08:52

I think spoilt does have a double meaning. I know some people see it as entitled and bratty, but where I'm from its more lucky and loved. I would say my children are spoilt in that they are very lucky to have great opportunities.

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