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Do you really care how another baby is fed? (Ff/bf)

(154 Posts)
justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Thu 30-Mar-17 15:46:42

I breastfed my first and I am now breastfeeding my second.

I have never been made to feel uncomfortable while feeding in public. And I have NEVER looked at a woman ff her baby and given a shit. I just think "aw another baby". But I must admit that if I am talking about bf or if I am bf around a ff mother I fear that I may make her feel like I think I am better than her. And that's just crap. I just can't believe, still, that there is judgement on how a baby is fed.

I would just love to know, honestly, if you actually care how other babies are fed.

There is so much judgement and a lot of publicity on it now that some of it must come from other mothers.

If you think you are better for bf be honest. If you think you are being judged for ff be honest.

My friend recently commented on how another mother quit breastfeeding very early on and she was shocked and disappointed etc. And I said "there is enough judgement without needing to add to it. There is also someone there to judge you. You could be judged for combination feeding from a few weeks old. I could be judged for not bf my first past 10 months, what has it got to do with anyone else".

I don't mean to start a war here. I just want people to be honest if they do judge and why. Afterall we don't know one another and we may become less judgy after this.

TipBoov Thu 30-Mar-17 15:54:08

I don't judge, but i k own what you mean about bfing in front of a mum who is ffing.

katiegg Thu 30-Mar-17 15:56:47

Couldn't give a rats ass as long as the baby is being fed!

I ff both of mine, i've never felt judgement from breastfeeding mothers but sometimes have found myself trying to justify my decision... but that's my issue.

welshweasel Thu 30-Mar-17 15:58:18

I BF for a month then FF (prem baby, jaundiced, etc). I BF a lot in public in those early days and never had any comments, other than about how tiny he was. Once I was FF I can't say I noticed any difference. There were BF and FF at all the baby things I went to, sometimes we'd ask other FF mums for advice in the same way BF mums might. But I never heard anyone be anything other than indifferent as to how each baby was fed to be honest. And I was very sensitive about the fact I'd given up BF!

coffeeneeded Thu 30-Mar-17 15:58:41

This will turn into a war..... it just will

I don't give a shit how other people feed their babies. I ff my twins and never felt ashamed of it or even jealous of my bf friends.

I did, however, have no bf support from the beginning and that will always make me cross. The midwives and health visitors were shit.

But it's done now. And my babies are v healthy!

Good luck to all mum's I say.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards Thu 30-Mar-17 16:01:50

No, I don't care at all

The only thing that annoys me is people who are too vocal about their opinions on feeding, especially if they are talking crap!

I am pro bf in the sense that I think it should be classed as normal and mothers should be supported to bf if they want to, but I don't judge mothers who choose to ff

Misspilly88 Thu 30-Mar-17 16:02:15

I have been judged for formula feeding my baby after the struggle of my life for 8 weeks attempting to bf him and nearly pushing myself over the edge for it. I suffered for a whole year after 'failing' to get bf to work. One person told me I shouldn't have had him if I couldn't be bothered to feed him properly. Another saw me bottle feeding him and said 'I assume that's bm, why not feed him directly?'. I have seen utterly disgusting bullying online judging ff mothers too.

To answer your question, NO. If baby is being fed, that's great.

Misspilly88 Thu 30-Mar-17 16:04:25

Ps. I will add it am also pro bf to the extent that I think support should change and improve, but I wouldn't ever judge someone for choosing ff or bf.

Soubriquet Thu 30-Mar-17 16:06:14

I honestly did not give a rats shiny ass

If I saw a bf mother I felt a little sad because I failed badly but I never said anything

LoveMyLittleSuperhero Thu 30-Mar-17 16:06:52

I exclusively breast fed my DD for the first few months, she wasn't gaining weight well, constantly screamed, hardly ever slept, so I switched to mix feeding, weight gain was better but not great, constantly constipated and being sick, turns out she had a dairy allergy so switched to exclusively formula feeding a special formula, she's a different child and our lives are so much easier. Plus it meant I could go back onto my MH meds which has made a huge difference to our home life.
I only say this as background because I have had rude comments about how I am feeding dd at every stage. I was told to "put it away", that I shouldn't be put in public and that I was a paedophile for bf my daughter. Ridiculous! (I was as discreet as possible if it matters)
When mix feeding after dd had had a bf and wasn't satisfied so I pulled out a bottle I got told I shouldn't be mix feeding, it was bad for baby, I would be confusing her, that if I "couldn't be bothered to breastfeed properly" I shouldn't do it at all.
Now we are formula feeding I've had people comment on my "poor little girl" missing out on proper milk, asking why I wasn't doing what was best for my DD, etc.
Some people love judging and making comments and sadly if you live in an area where there are lots of these you will face judgement. Personally, if a mom is feeding her baby, don't care if its ff or bf or mix, and she and baby are happy and doing well that's brilliant! If they are struggling I will do my best to help them feel more comfortable and offer support. We need to as a society try to be more supportive and less judgy I think. And I would never accuse someone who was breast feeding of feeling superior to me unless she openly said that she was, though I can't see this happening in rl.

DumbledoresArmy30 Thu 30-Mar-17 16:08:44

No. I couldn't care less, it's none of my business. I breastfeed my DD. At the beginning I felt uncomfortable feeding her in public but that was mainly because she was 2 months premature and I couldn't face having to talk about it. She's 7 months now and I feed her anywhere and everywhere, I haven't encountered any negativity although a few people have asked me why I don't combi feed/give her formula when she doesn't sleep through.

I hate all the judgment, especially if it makes mothers feel like they've failed.

Orangebird69 Thu 30-Mar-17 16:08:57

If a mother chooses to not bf just because she doesn't want to, I think it's a shame. But other than that, I don't care. Breast IS best. But if it's not an option, then fed is best.

WindyScales Thu 30-Mar-17 16:12:09

I don't care either, bf both of mine for 2yrs each. I never felt embarrassed or bad bf'ing around ff'ing mums.
Interestingly I have had a lot of chats with ff'ing mums justifying their reason for ff'ing and saying how all the bf'ing mum's must think they are terrible mum's etc.. But I've never ever heard a bf'ing mum slating a formula feeder. There is obviously paranoia but I'm not sure why. I've had one ff'ing mum basically calling me a weirdo for bf'ing! Ive seen a lot of guilt and insecurity disguised in rude and defensive behaviour.

The only time I have felt uncomfortable is when I've bf my toddler in public. Everyone gives you a funny look then!

Ragwort Thu 30-Mar-17 16:12:16

No,i honestly don't care but I have noticed an awful lot of judging of mothers who chose to use formula. I don;t know if the rules are still so strict but I wasn't allowed home from hospital because DS wasn't putting on weight and 'formula' was not allowed until my DH actually had to get quite aggressive and insist on DS being given a bottle.

The one thing I do judge though is any child over 1 needing a bottle, surely at that age all babies (SN excepted) can cope with a sippy cup)?

tovelitime Thu 30-Mar-17 16:15:42

I couldn't give two hoots. Once you've older children nobody knows or cares how they were fed and there's certainly no discernible health difference if all other factors are the same

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Thu 30-Mar-17 16:17:35

Misspilly88 and lovemylittle wow the comments you have received are astonishing! angry were any of these comments made by other mothers?

Jumbl Thu 30-Mar-17 16:18:24

No i don't judge at all.
(4 dc all varying mixes of bf and ff)

I don't really judge parenting much at all other than emotional abuse which I have a fine radar for and find agonising to see. Under normal circumstances I don't really care how other people parent and I don't really care what other parents think of me, we all do what seems right to us.

Although having said I don't judge I was shocked to see a toddler drinking coke/Diet Coke from a baby bottle!

PolarBearGoingSomewhere Thu 30-Mar-17 16:19:07

Couldn't care less on an individual level, even about my very closest friends' kids who I care for deeply. If pressed, on a societal level I do wish there was more support for breastfeeding and that uptake was higher, but it's not something I really think about tbh.

ShuttyTown Thu 30-Mar-17 16:19:16

I formula feed and I must admit I do think when I tell a BF mother that I FF that they are probably judging me. Nothing to do with the mother as an individual probably, it's just that the media has put into our heads that FF is shameful and BF is the holy grail.

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Thu 30-Mar-17 16:20:06

jumbl yes I have heard of that too!

Shocking. sad

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Thu 30-Mar-17 16:22:05

A few posters now have said they do feel a little uncomfortable to admit they ff etc. How shitty it must be to feel insecure when all anyone is doing is raising their babies to be healthy. sad

wineapotamus Thu 30-Mar-17 16:22:10

When I see a ff mummy I don't really think anything other than aww little baby etc. If I do it would be "I hope she's bottle feeding because she wants to and not because bf didn't work out for her." I expressed and mix fed my son as well as bfeeding and it took me a long time to accept I wasn't exclusively bfing him. I'm having a better time now with my 3 week old dd, but I still have residual issues around bfeeding, her weight gain is v slow and I lack confidence in my ability to nourish her. If it didn't work out this time I tell myself it'll be ok, but I know I'll be heartbroken.

ExplodedCloud Thu 30-Mar-17 16:25:35

Not in the least bit interested tbh.

LoveMyLittleSuperhero Thu 30-Mar-17 16:26:41

Yes, several of those comments were from other mothers, one was actually at a mothers group where the HV comes to weigh babies.

MommaGee Thu 30-Mar-17 16:28:25

BEFORE I had DS I didn't understand why people wouldn't even try and breastfeeding. In most circumstances I still don't but I do care a damn sight less as long as they're being fed.
IV maintenance fluids for two weeks then ng expressed milk then bottle fed expressed milk topped up with formula then just formula then special formula then IV TPN then special formula in a PEG. Literally the only thing he couldn't try was breast. Feed your child, love your child, both be happy and healthy

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