Has anyone else felt this way? I had DS2 five days ago and I know it's normal to feel emotional at first so I'm hoping it's mostly down to that.
I think I'm just mourning the relationship DS1 (18 months) and I had, he was my little mate and we did everything together and it's never going to be the same again. When I'm putting him to bed I just want to cry because he's so innocent and oblivious and has no idea that I've changed his life forever and it's never going to be just the two of us again.
Also I'm struck by the complicated love I feel for newborn DS2. I love him, but not in the simple way I loved DS1. This time I have my love for my toddler to compare to the love of my newborn, which feel like different types of love. Is that okay to love DS2 differently? I love my toddler because of his personality and because of our shared experiences, as well as the pure mother love. But with my newborn I only have the pure mother love. So I just feel a bit sad I suppose and worried that I love them differently. Will the love grow when I build up experiences with DS2 and when he starts developing a personality? Or should I love them equally already?
To be honest I think a lot of this is just down to hormones and my milk coming in, because when I think rationally not emotionally I can see that I'm giving DS1 a great gift of a little brother and I don't need to feel any guilt about our relationship because I love him just as much, if not more.
Also, I think what might help is if I start thinking of us 3 as a little team, instead of me and DS1 as little mates and now a baby. It is a different relationship, but it doesn't have to be a worse one. It's just going to have to take adjusting to.
Sorry for rambling - I'm right in the middle of that post partum hormone crash! Any experiences welcome
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DS2 just born - feeling complicated emotions.
luckiestgirlintheworld · 12/08/2015 10:37
Maybe it would help to remember also, that how we feel about people, including babies and children, is not fixed but changes from day to day and even minute to minute. Relationships don't stand still.
You sound like you have plenty of insight, even in the middle of post-birth hormone horror! You have plenty of love to go round. Everything is going to be alright 
Absolutely normal! I remember sitting on the sofa with newborn dd2, crying because DH (being helpful!) kept taking dd1 to his mother's for the day to give me some peace. All I could think was that people kept taking my little girl away and she was the one I wanted, not this strange baby who didn't really mean anything to me (although she did, obviously. If that make sense!)
It passes I promise. DD2 is 3 now and I spend my time hoping someone will take both of them away 
Congratulations It will pass. Just take one day at a time.
I have had this worry as dd2 is due soon and I just adore dd1. She is nearly 5 and is such a great little person that every now and then I get sad for the change in the relationship I'll have with dd1 and the change to her life we will be pushing on her.
I also struggled to bond with dd1 when she was first born. I looked after her as my instinct told me to but I didn't love her (unlike DH who loved her the second he saw her) and I've worried that I might have the same experience with dd2 which will somehow make it harder.
But I agree with Biscuit that how we feel about people changes so much that it's understandable you love ds2 a bit different now.
Totally normal I felt this way when my second baby arrived. She's three months now and those feelings are a distant memory. Congrats on the new baby, and it'll all sort itself out.
By giving your DS1 a brother you have given him the best gift you could possibly have given him.
I know exactly what you mean - I felt just the same. I felt like I was being unfaithful to my first child, too, and that I was literally kissing the other person in front of her!
It is very, very complicated when you are so hormonal but when you come out of that hormonal haze everything will be alright. I love my two children equally and I couldn't have imagined that beforehand.
If you continue to feel bad, speak to your health visitor or GP - please don't suffer on your own.
Congratulations on your new baby.
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Watching with interest. This very thought has occurred to me, as I prepare for the arrival of DD1. DS is 3 now and, exactly as you phrase it, my little mate. I'm feeling exactly the same worries as you've expressed now - I hope the lovely words from those who know have comforted you as they have me. Congratulations on your new arrival. 
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It will all be ok I felt such an amazing rush of overwhelming love for DC1 the moment she was born and then felt terribly guilty that I didn't feel the same for DC2 when he came along. My love for him has been a much more slow burn type of love, but I love them both just as much now. Congratulations!
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