Advanced search

What's for lunch today? Take inspiration from Mumsnetters' tried-and-tested recipes in our Top Bananas! cookbook - now under £10

Find out more

Haven't seen children in 9 months

(28 Posts)
Hockeywife Fri 28-Nov-14 20:48:44

Hello. Please bare with me and I hope that I'll find some constructive advice. I have 3 children aged 9 and twins 6. Three boys. Their father and I separated after I had an affair in March. He lives in canada and sent me to be with my parents in Florida. This was to give some time and space while he decided what to do. I ended up meeting someone in Florida and a relationship blossomed. I wasn't looking for it, it just came to me. Eventually i went back to canada . I had nowhere to go and was staying in a shelter. My husband had cut off all communication with me. He changed his phone number, blocked me on Facebook and email and refused me any way to see my children. I found out that he spoke with children's aid telling them that I was mentally unstable. He wanted my rights permanently terminated but children's aid said that I should see them after I saw a specific psychiatrist who is on sebatical for several months. They will not allow me to see anybody else. There to this day is no legal motion saying that I have no parental rights to the kids. I had presents for the kids for their birthday that I had to get somebody else to deliver as I had no way to get to them.

He eventually filed for divorce in October but have yet to serve me with any documents including custody/child support. Things are in limbo. I'm currently back in Florida with my boyfriend. His mother passed away, I came to support him for a little while. I found out while here that the divorce was filed for.

I've thought of sending letters to him as I have no other way to communicate. But I know that my kids won't get to see them. I make too much for legal aid and too little to afford a lawyer (Toronto where the family is is very expensive legally).

I feel hopeless. My family (parents) have shut me out as well. I feel very alone.

PlantsAndFlowers Fri 28-Nov-14 22:06:59

What provision did you make to stay in touch with your children when you went away? Did you agree access with your ex and now he's gone back on it, or did you just leave them behind?

Hockeywife Fri 28-Nov-14 23:28:00

When he first sent me away things were fine. We skyped daily, phone calls etc. There was no separation agreement, nothing in place as we were considering making things work. Then one day he just decided to shut things down, no warning. He cancelled his phone, deleted me off of Facebook, my emails got sent back to me. It's as if I do not exist.

Hockeywife Fri 28-Nov-14 23:32:03

Also to note, I attempted to send letters discussing child support and access when I returned to Canada. Every letter was sent back return to sender.

Fairylea Fri 28-Nov-14 23:41:58

So as soon as he cut contact did you return immediately to see the children? What was the gap between him cutting contact and you attempting to see them?

Hockeywife Fri 28-Nov-14 23:45:16

It was immediate. Even my parents tried and he'd speak to them but when the subject of me came about he wouldn't discuss it. Since then my relationship with my parents has deteriorated and I have no go between.

HoleyJoe Fri 28-Nov-14 23:48:59

Get a lawyer!

BaffledSomeMore Fri 28-Nov-14 23:49:57

I don't understand why you'd go to FL when your dc are in Canada.
Your priorities don't sit well with me on the info you've given.

PlantsAndFlowers Fri 28-Nov-14 23:51:44

How can he send you away? He's not the boss of you.

Fairylea Fri 28-Nov-14 23:52:11

I have to say I agree with baffled.

From the husbands point of view you have had an affair, done a runner and then set up home with another man. Harsh I know but I think most people would literally cling to their children for dear life rather than move to a house next door let alone another state.

If you have the address I would go and sit on the doorstep refusing to move until he let's you see the children.

Hockeywife Fri 28-Nov-14 23:52:33

I had nowhere to go. My husband suggested that I go to Florida as that's where my parents are. My parents paid for thr flight. The home that we lived in was his parents house and they wouldn't let me stay any longer. I was frightened as I would be stuck with nowhere to go.

vindscreenviper Fri 28-Nov-14 23:53:54

Is that Tumblr thing something that you have posted op?

On mobile site at the moment and that looks like a strange juxtaposition with your posts.

Hockeywife Fri 28-Nov-14 23:55:27

He initially suggested that I go so that he could get his parents to agree to let me stay. Things were going well and then stopped very abruptly. I have no other family in canada. He even closed my bank account shortly after he cut off communication (unfortunately for me this is legal) leaving me with nothing.

Hockeywife Fri 28-Nov-14 23:56:14

What tumblr thing?

vindscreenviper Fri 28-Nov-14 23:59:48

The Tumblr link on the bottom of your post at 23.45.

am I the only person seeing the pic of a baby's face with a link to '20 signs you've been hanging out with babies too long'?

quietlysuggests Fri 28-Nov-14 23:59:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Headgone Sat 29-Nov-14 00:02:53

What do you actually want? It's not clear from your post.
And have you told your husband what you want?

It doesn't sound as if you want them to live with you considering you are in another country with a new partner.

Hockeywife Sat 29-Nov-14 00:02:58

I haven't gone because children's aid told me that I'm not permitted to. I spoke with them (met twice spoke on phone numerous times) and they gave me the instructions on what to do. I saw a different doctor that cleared me but the supervisor wouldn't accept it. I have a flight booked to return and have been in contact with children's aid but they're not budging

BaffledSomeMore Sat 29-Nov-14 00:05:17

I specifically meant this time. OK you had a problem so you went to your parents. That's not great but possibly understandable.
You went back to Canada.
Then you go back to FL? To support your boyfriend? Leaving the dc you need access to in another country?
How much would a renter deposit cost? How much did the flight cost?
Don't get it.

Hockeywife Sat 29-Nov-14 00:05:20

I want to see my children. I want to know why he decided to shut down out of nowhere. My boyfriend is in the process of getting a work visa in Canada but then his mother passed away and he had some things to deal with that slowed that down.

Hockeywife Sat 29-Nov-14 00:06:13

He paid for the flight, and I don't know what you mean by renter deposit.

Secretblackandmidnighthag Sat 29-Nov-14 00:10:26

I think we're getting possible 1 third of the actual story here.

Hockeywife Sat 29-Nov-14 00:11:13

I'm telling you everything that there is to tell. Believe what you want.

BaffledSomeMore Sat 29-Nov-14 00:12:23

Sorry auto correct changed rental to renter.

Hockeywife Sat 29-Nov-14 00:13:20

I didn't have a renter depost?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now