thinking of trying for a girl and want to hear your experiences

[happyforthemostpart]

Okay - so i know it's not PC to want a particular sex BUT I have always envisaged having a daughter. My son is 17months old and when he was born i have to be honest i was disappointed. I can't believe i could say that now and i love him more than anything else in the world and would not swap him at all!!

BUT - we have started trying for a brother or sister for him and I am wondering whether the 'girl' theories are worth giving a go.

I have done a lot of reading up and my thoughts are:
Timing method Timing method - seems to make sense but I am worried about missing out on pregnancy completely and don't really want to be TRYING for too long!
Diet method - I think a balanced diet is necessary when trying for any baby. Though i have been drinking oj and eating yoghurt.... not sure this will tip the balance though!!
Sperm count - again i know lowering it is supposed to work for a girl but i am concerned lowering it too much will just result in no pregnancy at all!!

My orginal plan was just sex every other day and see what happens - the normal sensible way to conceive... But wondering if any ladies out there have had luck? Or think it's all rubbish?

Also - I haven't been charting cycles for long as just came off the pill - first cycle was 31 days and then 34 days so i think ovulation is around day 20/21 as was monitoring mucus too.....

Anyway - I just wondered if anyone felt comfortable sharing their stories? I don't want to talk about it with any of my friends or family!

Thanks!

[Northernlurkerr]

It's all rubbish. Try for a baby and try and get your head round the sex whatever it might be. Try for a girl and you set yourself up for disappointment that you don't need to feel. Of course people have preferences - that's natural. What's not natural is letting it take over your behaviour.

[OracleInaCoracle]

[OracleInaCoracle]

[happyforthemostpart]

thanks for your opinion northern lurker.

anyone out there who's got experiences to share though? I think unless you have had this deep longing and don't have a lot of empathy it's hard to understand.....

[Northernlurkerr]

Err happy - I wouldn't canvass opinions tbh. This is a sensitive topic and there are many, many ladies on this site who are happy just to have a baby to take home at all.

[OracleInaCoracle]

What NL said.

[porcupine11]

I have two DSs and I thought first month ttcno3, why not try timing method as would love to have a daughter?

It did not work, of course, and we quickly reverted to 'normal practice'. Four or five months on I'm still ttc :(

It's blinking hard to get pregnant at all, so I feel a bit foolish for thinking I was so very fertile I could time it. And ps I really wanted a DS for no2 as it's completely amazing having two little boys!! And now I'm yearning for a third little boy!

[OracleInaCoracle]

What NL said.

[Northernlurkerr]

I think - hope- that the OP meant I was lacking in empathy - for telling her t'was all rubbish.

[stillfrazzled]

I loved the idea of a daughter and was (briefly) disappointed when I found out I was having a DS.

When adored DS1 was two we started TTC, and although I would still have liked a girl, I purposely waited until I knew I wanted a baby, not a girl.

And then we had two mcs in quick succession, and a third pregnancy that nearly mc'd three times in the first trimester, and DS2 was born prem - luckily, because if my waters hadn't broken he'd have died before birth due to IUGR.

And there's part of me that would still quite like a girl. But I look at my thankfully and miraculously healthy, beautiful boys and I know we're done, and I'm fine with that.

I understand the 'deep longing'. Lots of us have it. But honestly, after losing pregnancies and nearly losing DS2, it seems pretty bloody trivial. So I am sympathetic, sort of, but to feel it that strongly means that you're very lucky not to have experienced the really bad stuff, if you see what I mean?

Hope that doesn't read like a dig, it wasn't meant as one. Good luck TTC.

[happyforthemostpart]

Thanks porcupine and frazzled for the thoughtful and interesting messages.

Porcupine - I hope you get on well with TTC - wishing you lots of luck.... you are right, 2 boys would be a joy!.....

Frazzled - it didn't sound like a dig at all - great to get some honest and well articulated comments, especially from someone who 'gets it' so thanks for taking the time. I am happy you have your gorgeous boys.

I would be delighted with a baby of any sex (and have conciously waited till i am in this place before trying) but i was just interested to see if any ladies had any experience in this area.... after all this is a 'discussion board'!! And my discussion was based on 'thinking of giving it a go'!!!

Dumbledore - i think you have completely misinterpreted my post. I didn't say no-one could understand what i am going through! I'm not going through anything and am very happily married with my gorgeous boy and feel very grateful. I was merely interested in talking to some bright women about something going on in my life - as many other women on this site are. I do count myself lucky but this doesn't mean I can't have feelings!! I really hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.

If I've upset people I do apologise but mumsnet operates free speech and it doesn't serve well to be agressive with nothing to contribute to the thread!!!

So if anyone has anything useful to offer then thank you - otherwise take the aggro away!!

[Northernlurkerr]

OP - part of having free speech means knowing when to not say something.

Fwiw - pointing out that it's a healthy baby that's important not the sex is imo useful comment.

[happyforthemostpart]

i KNOW it's the healthy baby that's important!!!!! that has never been up for debate - anyone who's ever thought about TTC would agree with that!

but this is a discussion board and this is a topic i wanted to discuss

if you don't want to be on it, stop posting on it and leave some space for those with articulate positive contributions.

Thank You

[OracleInaCoracle]

Look, unfortunately, free speech goes both ways. You have upset some people with your posts. They are as entitled to air that as you are.

I wish you well, and hope you get your daughter soon, and fwiw, there's not a damned thing you can do. Not one thing. If you can't influence getting pregnant above having sex, you sure as hell can't choose which sperm gets there first without medical intervention.

[Northernlurkerr]

Ok then. I'll leave you to it. Have fun.

By the way - you get the contributions you get - nothing to say they have to be positive.

[tallulah]

Well FWIW I only wanted girls. I will say there is a reason, which is too long to go into now.

We started trying the timing method. It took us 18 months to conceive DC1, who did turn out to be a girl. DC2, 3 & 4 were all boys. 2 & 3 were conceived pretty much mid-cycle. DC4 was a surprise.

Flash forward many many years and we had another surprise pgcy. Missed MC 11 weeks later. 2nd mmc at 7 weeks, then while we were debating whether to try again found I was pg. At last a second DD (and a moments sadness because I was sure it was DS4).

FWIW I don't think any of these "methods" work. It is very much the luck of the draw. I do understand the longing for a DD tho. If you feel that way you can't help it.

[LittleWhiteWolf]

I wrote a long and emotive post that just disappeared, possibly for the best.
The gist was that with my first, easy pg I wanted a girl and got a girl.
This year however I've lost two babies and am pg now with a third.
I feel certain that I will likely lose this one, too. I feel guilt for having had a preference in my first pg and for now wanting a boy. I have no proof, but feel in my gut that the two I lost and this one were/are boys. More guilt.

So throw all the sex-for-a-gender stuff out the window and just TTC a BABY. Don't do what I did and be so arrogant as to assume that one easy pg was a guarantee of a second easy pg.

[ticklebumpkin]

Google ingender and have a chat with the people over there. Good luck

[pinkytheshrinky]

So let me get this right, unless I tell you what you want to hear then I am not welcome here

oh dear

am gutted

Really your OP is thoughtless

have another

[ticklebumpkin]

Pinky your posts on this thread are pretty nasty. Especially your first one.

[IAmNeverUnreasonable]

what NL said and what Dumbledore said

Sorry happy, you don't get to choose who posts on your thread - it might not be AIBU but sometimes even on the conception boards you get advice you don't want to hear.
It's the INTERNET. Mumsnet is FULL of bright women after all.
Many of them on this thread

FWIW, if you want a girl, follow the old wives tales and hope for the best.
If and when you conceive it's a WIN WIN - if it's a girl, you get the DD you dearly crave, if it's a boy you've got all the toys, clothes etc.

[FellatioNelson]

And I would just like to say I haven't bothered to read the thread.