Noisy neighbours with autistic son

[Kaykrizia]

Hi I really hope I could get some advice asap. My grandfather currently lives in a high rise tower on the second floor. Above him are a family of 6 (in a two bedroom flat). Since as far as I can remember, these neighbours have been nothing but hassle. Some years back, their children used to throw stuff out the windows which would land on my grandfathers windows, such as tomato sauce, eggs, left over food etc. But that isn't the problem now. Recently in the past year, the noise coming from their flat is horrendous. They hammer at 1am in the morning, drill the floors after 10pm and are constantly slamming doors and shouting. However that isn't the main main issue. Their son who has autism, runs up and down the hallway excessively everyday without fail. From the minute he's home from school on a weekday, from 4pm to 10pm he runs constantly back and forth from room to room. His foot steps are so heavy, it feels like the ceiling will fall through. I am a carer so I know some stuff on autism and relative behaviour and having routines. However, should a child be allowed to bang thud thump for 6 HOURS NONE STOP? I know it's not early hours (which it can be sometimes) but for 6 hours everyday and it's really bringing me down. I look after my grandad daily and study for my a levels whilst I'm here. But the noise is so LOUD, heavy and distracting I'm just not getting anything done. It's also affecting my grandad badly. On weekends is when we dread it. Not to mention the son who is contantly banging and clattering, they have another young daughter who also shouts and bangs, but on the weekend, it starts from 8am..all the way through to 11pm in the same day, it's beyond excessive and disruptive. I have spoken to the parents, they either deny it's them and say it's coming from above them! Which is RIDICULOUS as they are right above my grandad. They are also abruptive, I have recorded the banging on my phone (yes you can actually hear the bangs on my phone recorder) and asked them to listen, they out right refuse. I have knocked multiple times in one year and it's just not sinking in. Yesterday they slammed the door in my face and said "well he's autistic what do you expect us to do" well I would think you would know you have to have due care and respect for the people above you and below you when living in a tower block! It's really dragging me down to the point I hate coming to my grandads now. My grandad spends his weekend away from the flat now due to the dreaded noise all day. They are really neighbours from hell. Previously they have had multiple leaks in their flat, to the point where it was leaking into my grandads ceiling near electricals lighting!!! And then recently they had another FLOOD in their kitchen which they left for days, it's spread that far into the kitchen, the council had to knock the wall down due to water damage and start again. When I confronted them about that, they ALSO denied it was their flat!!! But the repairman confirmed they had fixed the leak in their flat the previous day! I do not want mediation or anything with them as they are completely unreasonable and liars. I maybe coming acros as selfish and heartless and I completely sympathise with their child, but what about us? Any advice would be grateful x

[MrsOverTheRoad]

Has your Grandad spoken to his housing officer about this?

On one hand I can sympathise with your Grandad massively...it must be awful.

But on the other, their son is Autistic...and that's very, very hard to cope with.

The noises late at night are not ok though.

I have lived with my children in a flat with neighbours beneath and they complained about the noise but my children weren't actually running or making excessive noise at all...it was normal, children's noise.

Walking, going from one room to another.

The problem is that families aren't meant to live in flats...not ideally.

Could your Granddad put his name down on the list to get some sheltered accomodation? A bungalow.

[Kaykrizia]

Hi, thank you for you reply. And I agree, I have seen how hard it is on multiple occasions in my job and of course, noise is expected from kids on a day to day basis. I'm one of 7 so now how loud and disruptive households can get, and having a brother who is suffers from ADHD and bi polar, I know how challenging an illness can be. However, this banging is to such an extent, it doesn't sound like a child playing. It sounds like someone is walking back and forth constantly on the hallway ceiling, digging their feet into the floor. It is really heavy I cannot explain how bad it is. It sounds like a 50stone man walking back and forth constantly for 6 hours. The running back and forth has become a routine now and I now a child with autism does like a routine. My worry is that the parents are spending no time engaging with their son. I know autism is a handful, but for 6 hours constantly? Most of the time I hear the parents arguing or disagreeing with each other whilst their son and I must say it's not just him. They have a small daughter who also piles on with the jumping and banging all day. My grandfather wants me to contact the council this week if nothing changes. As I said I did approach them yesterday, but got nothing but aggressive behaviour from the father and the same "he's autistic" even though I was speaking about him
Mainly, I was also talking about the rest of the noise from their other children, and them as parents. But the only zone in on the autism. My grandad will not move to anywhere else as he has lived in this current flat for 51 years. This place is very sentimental to him and he will not leave for anybody. I have tried to ask them if they could ask to swap to a downstairs first floor flat where there wouldn't be a convince for anyone, but again they don't want to know. I think the only option is for me to get in touch with the council now x

[ArbitraryName]

Perhaps if your grandad complains, it'll help prompt the HA into finding suitable housing for the family (who are currently overcrowded).

[MrsOverTheRoad]

Ah...he's lived there for so long. I can understand his not wanting to leave. If you get on the phone to the council, INSIST they send someone round...at the very least, they might help the family lay some carpet or get them some help.

Also don't let them fob you off....phone and complain a LOT.

[becotide]

the thing is, there is very little point engaging with an autistic child who has decided that pacing is his thing. They either let him pace or he with scream the fucking house down. I know - I live this.

the child cannot help it and the parents have to live with it too. I'm not surprised they argue, they are probably at the end of their mental, physical and emotional endurance.

This doesn't help your grandad, but the situationprobably cannot be fixed. if he cannot bear it, he has to move,

[itsascandal23]

Your grandfather needs to contact the HA or LA which run his block.

The family have no excuse for drilling and hammering at anti social times so that can and should be stopped.

If the family cannot prevent their child from running up and down the LA may be able to do something to dampen the noise - eg underlay, carpet. Family can also take his shoes off..

It may actually be helpful if your GF complains. Sounds as if the family would be better off in a house/ ground floor apartment. GF's complaints might add to their case for a move.

[Kaykrizia]

I understand what you're saying, I don't have a child so I guess I'm not educated properly on autism. But you have to see it from both sides. Everyday none stop banging is having a negative impact on his day to day life. I really don't think that it's acceptable that he has to take out his hearing aid to watch tv peacefully with subtitles and I see that I didn't mention that my grandad has Alzheimer's. So his care day to day is very complex. But thank you for your reply

[Kaykrizia]

Thank you all so much for your help and advice. This is a massive help especially when I'm so low trying to get this sorted for my grandfather. And I will ask him to contact the council himself. And I think the carpet idea is brilliant. When I think about it, that's probably all they need is some thick carpet. I have seen inside their flat and all they have is Lino or tiles, one of the two. That isn't going to support someone who is running none stop everyday. I'm going to send the email but I will be leaving it to my grandfather from here on as it's his flat, and with his already health issues, its something that needs to be dealt with fairly and something that both sides can come to an agreement on .Again thank you for everyone's reply, I really do appreciate it x

[becotide]

there is no point hammering on about the affect it's having on your grandad if nothing can be done to fix the problem, which is that they have an uncontrollable child. Literally uncontrollable.

yes, your grandad hates it. I don't blame him. But don't you see that this cannot be fixed? That "interaction" is likely to make things worse than better? he needs to move. If he has complex care needs due to Alzeimer's, he probably needs to live somewhere other than a multistory flat himself.

[Kaykrizia]

Today 15:00 becotide

there is no point hammering on about the affect it's having on your grandad if nothing can be done to fix the problem, which is that they have an uncontrollable child. Literally uncontrollable.

yes, your grandad hates it. I don't blame him. But don't you see that this cannot be fixed? That "interaction" is likely to make things worse than better? he needs to move. If he has complex care needs due to Alzeimer's, he probably needs to live somewhere other than a multistory flat himself

Woah Jesus calm down, no need to be so harsh. I know it's not as easy as that. Did you not see me say, adding a layer of carpet could be a step forward?One condition is NOT more important than the other. Just because you have personal experience with autism, does not mean you know how complex my grandfathers needs are and how stressful it would be for him to even comprehend the thought of leaving! and seeing as my profession is a carer, he's fine living in a place that he has known has home for plenty of years? you don't know about his needs or care so don't be so unsympathetic .Anyway, I don't have experience with Autism first hand, but I do know about it and understand how HARD it must be. Clearly you missed the part where I said this has been going on for years and only this year I have tried to communicate with the parents because it has become too much. Some
people complain for less. If the parents shut me down at every opportunity I get to speak about this issue, what do you expect me to do? Yes interaction may not be better, but I would at least like them to explain how severe their child's autism is, so I can have a better understanding and then they could come down and hear how bad it is. Please read what I type next next time. Thank you

[Sunnyshores]

Have you spoken to other neighbours? Is it an issue for them too? The more complaints the council gets, something may be done.

Whilst I know just how difficult it is with an child with ASD, I dont think the parents are being particularly co-operative and it doesnt seem as if its just that child causing noise problems.

[becotide]

I'm perfectly calm. But I'm also right.

[0nlyMe]

Coming from a parent of a child with autism who runs, jumps and makes a bizarre yodelling sound a lot of the time, can I say, I see your point op. I've thought about going to my neighbours multiple times (only moved here in June) just to explain about the noise but I don't think they hear it that much. I DO however have boundaries and I try to limit the noise he makes. He also has regular bedtimes etc. So he may be difficult to manage (god knows, it is DAMN HARD) but they have to put the effort in. I bought a trampoline for him to jump on etc. (He still prefers jumping off the windowsill tho) but you get my point.
Thick underlay and carpet would help, good idea

[Notreallyarsed]

Sorry OP I can see I’ve completely overreacted and aimed my anger at the wrong OP on the wrong thread. I’ve asked for my comment to be removed. I hope that the council/HA can help to resolve this situation for everyone soon.

[crabbymccrabface]

hey there!

Just wondering if this issue got resolved at all. I actually think moving someone with Alzheimer's away from their familiarity is a bad idea.

[momabearof4]

I also would like to know what the outcome eventually was. We are having issues with our autistic neighbor and are considering taking them to court

[jacquiykerr]

Your considering taking your autistic neighbour to court? Your my kind of person. Your compassion & empathy shines through (not). In the Uk autism is termed a protected characteristic meaning suck it up. How do you think the people living with it feel? Autistics cannot help the noise they make. Its not a f*cking choice.

[Suchas2019]

Dear Jacquikerr,
No, autism is not a choice. But it is a choice when people, knowing the full extent of the noise problem in their family, choose to move into a house with shared walls/ ceilings and wilfully inflict it on others when other choices of other entirely suitable accommodation are available to them. That is my experience. In those circumstances compassion and empathy fly out the window . Suck it up? I don’t think so. Other people have the right to live without having to live daily with the impact of others’ bad choices.

[jacquiykerr]

I'm a parent of a older autistic. I'm sure my son was noisy during his early teens as were my neighbours children. We soundproofed all of our walls. I've brought up my eight children to be mindful of noise. I agree steps can be taken to reduce noise. I took offense at the tone of posts not the content

[Ellemog66M]

I really understand what you are going through asI have a very similar issue with autistic child ,neighbours right next door to me .he is simming 24/7 (making loud noises)and I tried to be sensitive to my neighbours and ask them please to reduce the banging and the going up and down the stairs. but they deny it is him .I know because it comes from their house and I witnessed it .the thing is that my teen daughters has a form of autism too and has severe sensory issues ,she gets distressed about the constant noise .also ,when she was a child I made sure I set boundaries (and it was hard work ,but that is part of being a parent)she needed stimuli and I took her out for walks and activities she would feel comfortable taking part on .the point I am trying to make is :your neighbours and mine ,use the autism as an excuse to be lousy Parents/neighbours. if your autistic child is that loud ,is trying to communicate something to you .he might have a sensory overload and reacts to it .so parent should engage snd make sure they are not bored and frustrated .my neighbours just give him a phone all day long and stay in bed without supervising or engaging with him .they rarely take him out .
the problems lays with the family !
I am beyond frustrated !!

[cansu]

You have mixed up lots of issues in your op. Some are legitimate and some are not.
The autistic child running is sadly something they can't do anything much about. My ds used to run backwards and forwards a lot. It was a stem. To stop it would have been impossible. A family of six with an autistic child should not be housed in an upstairs flat. We are fortunate enough to now have our own semi but even then we took a long time to find one with a separate room away from neighbours where my son could run. When we lived in rented it was a nightmare and I was constantly fretting about what the neighbours thought of us.

To the previous poster who said they made sure their child had lots of sensory input it really isn't always that simple. Some children have very complex needs and challenging behaviour. Our ds was taken out swimming and for walks but that did not make much difference to the need to perform repetitive behaviours. He also made loud vocalisations, had meltdowns etc. I have a second child with asd who is mostly quiet and calm. They couldn't be more different and has nothing to do with the way they were parented.

[Trixiefirecracker]

This is an old thread.

[cansu]

Op I think you are right to approach the council about whether they can help to soundproof by adding carpets etc. The problem will be that the family do not have the cash to do this. Plus I can't imagine having four kids including one with significant needs in a two bed flat. The autistic child will need his own space hence the running in the hallway. Having an autistic child is hard but it is even harder when you are up against it financially and socially.