Funniest bit of childbirth

(799 Posts)
rachelhill Fri 12-Jan-07 15:53:53

My funniest bit was that during every contraction my boobs squirted milk, at quite high velocity and I got the irritating consultant's glasses while he was telling me I wasn't in proper labour.

Second funniest, midwife asked me to rate my pain 1-10 periodically and at one point I said 9. She rushed up to give me some entenox....but I was actually just telling hubbie what the missing number was on his sudoku because he was stuck.

Come on ladies, what memory of childbirth makes you chuckle.

ashayden Sun 14-Jan-07 08:20:45

After my ds was born via section, he was quickly held up for me to see and then taken over to a table to be checked out. My dh was watching them check him over. I hadn't seen him properly so I asked dh what he looked like. He turns to me very excited and said "He's hung like a horse".Everyone in the theatre lost it.

nappyaddict Sun 14-Jan-07 06:37:04

mines the same as yours saltire.

me - i need to push i need to push now.

mw - no no, its far to soon, you just need to poo.

mw scurries off to get cardbaord bowl thing

me - hmm ok if you're sure

my cousin (birthing partner) holy crap she was right there's a head. panics andshouts mw - its coming its coming it isn't a poo she was right

arfishy Sun 14-Jan-07 03:29:58

ROFL! These are hilarious.

Looking back I can't really think of anything too funny in my 32 hour labour. The only thing even vaguely funny was the comedy obstetrician shaped white patch on the wall after my haemorrhage.

BeautifulAva Sun 14-Jan-07 01:41:58

Apologising loudly, on all fours, high on G&A, to all, (whoever they were)for having piles.

jofeb04 Sat 13-Jan-07 23:08:48

Opps, I forgot about the time with dd when I was lying in theatre and the aneathatist was preparing a general, and I told him I wasn't having an injection, then a minute later, literally as he was next to me, I said I needed to push, and the mw looked at me and asked if I was joking. I said no, mw checked, and dd's head was out!

At the time, none of this was funny, but looking back, I remember the look of confusion when I said it!

jofeb04 Sat 13-Jan-07 23:05:40

With ds, i found it funny when a student doctor fainted onto the floor when the consultant did the episiotomy (sp?).

With my dd, it was saying I wasn't going to give birth unless they promised me a chinese!!
Also with dd, after dd was born and midwive took her to see the peeds (sp? again lol), then all I heard was cluttering and mw came screming out "I forgot the placenta"!!

Toady Sat 13-Jan-07 22:04:07

Lubyloo {grin] great image of your DH pulling you out.

ILoveDolly Sat 13-Jan-07 22:00:33

high on gas and air i talked avidly of ... Krispy Kreme donuts WTF? Also funny to midwife, not me, dh (who is a doc and v blase about labour) sitting next to me doing sodding sudoku for hours and hours

LubyLoo Sat 13-Jan-07 21:48:15

Great thread!

I was glued to my birthing ball through most of my labour. I was high on gas and air, bouncing on my ball facing the bed.

Apparently I started apologising saying "I'm sorry I'm so drunk. I'm never normally this drunk" then promptly bounced,slipped off the ball and under the bed! DH had to drag me back out!

LadyOfTheFlowers Sat 13-Jan-07 21:41:15

it was pretty amazing. once i'd calmed down i found it floating about and examined it! lol
should have stuck it on ebay!

GrumpyOldHorsewoman Sat 13-Jan-07 21:37:25

LOTF, apparently babies born in the amniotic sac are supposed to be supremely lucky (according to folklore). It was known as 'being born in a caul' and sailors used to pay a fortune for the discarded sac to protect them from harm when at sea.

GrumpyOldHorsewoman Sat 13-Jan-07 21:33:06

Forgot to mention:

A couple of days after childbirth, MW asking "Now, what are you going to do for contraception?"

Very funny.

lackofgravitas Sat 13-Jan-07 21:16:55

Peculiar, rather than funny ... the obstetrician asking DH 'did you study in Boston then?' DH was utterly baffled by the question, so I pointed out that he was wearing his MIT t-shirt, and the doctor was enquiring as to whether he'd studied there. Even at the time was thinking that it was mad that, lying there with wires and tubes all over the place, baby in distress, about to be attacked with a ventouse, part of my brain was together enough to realise what on EARTH this conversation was about.

BeautifulAva Sat 13-Jan-07 21:04:34


jenwa Sat 13-Jan-07 20:45:14

Such a good thread, making me laugh!

shinyhappypeopleholdinghands- funny, LOL, I too cant think of a funny moment, just pain and being slighty out of it and pain oh and pain!!!!

will have a think though!!

nikkie Sat 13-Jan-07 20:12:36

Only funny looking back but after nearly 2 days of labour (and not getting anywhere) they agreed to a section and a registrar tried to do an internal before I went to theatre, as this was about the 20th internal (4 cms!) I wasn't impressed and punched him .Apparantly he wasn't popular on the ward with staff or patients (knows-best) so the mid wife s thought it was great

laundrylover Sat 13-Jan-07 19:49:47

When DD2 was coming out my fab MW brought a full length mirror so that I could watch but she was a black lady with a large booty and knocked it on her way past so that all I could see was the wall!! She had also clamped a mask on my face for optimum G and A as I was loving it, so I was gesticulating wildly with eyes rolling to get someone to turn the mirror....she got the message just in time.

Beauregard Sat 13-Jan-07 19:39:49

Dp on the phone to the emergency services
They asked -How long between contractions ?
Dp-How long between contractions love?
Me screaming-It is F*ing coming!

Emergency services to dp-Can you see the head?
Dp-Erm im not sure er yes i think so!
He later told me that he wasn't sure if it was a headfull of hair he could see or one of my fanjo flaps

LadyOfTheFlowers Sat 13-Jan-07 19:36:44

these are reminding me of more funny bits!

when ds2 was about to appear my mw had another with her who had not seen a water birth before. she enquired to mw wether they should bring the baby to the surface or the mother should.
'we tend to intervene only if absolutely necessary'
i replied: 'grab the bloody baby because i wont!'
and the classic: 'push dear'
'i am f*cking pushing!'

dh's face when the afterbirth made it's appearance.

the mws face when ds2 appeared in his amniotic sac, fully sealed.
she had previously suggested i feel down below to keep myself motivated and i told her i could not feel his head but what felt like a balloon- she didnt believe me- she did then because she panicked! lol

Seansgirl Sat 13-Jan-07 19:16:44

Me high on G&A and Pethidine floating in and out of a sleepy state between contractions must have been dreaming about the stock of food I had cooked and put in freezer....shaking DH arm and saying "Nick, Nick.." DH "yes" ME "What about the haddock?"

and DD shooting out very quickly that MW and DH prounced her baby scud...ahhh how sweet....

Edam Sat 13-Jan-07 19:01:28

LOL at Ruby, that is so sisterly!

Edam Sat 13-Jan-07 19:00:29

being convinced that everyone was laughing at me because I was so quiet despite being in agony. Three witnesses tell me actually I was shouting 'f*ck' repeatedly. For hours. The midwife told me to keep the gas and air pipe in my mouth on the outbreath just to cut the volume!

Myrtle1 Sat 13-Jan-07 18:57:58

Not being able to work out how to use the gas and air mouthpiece and DH trying to show me how to suck the gas and air out and then getting high on it himself

BuffysMum Sat 13-Jan-07 18:45:09

whilst kneeling on the bed holding onto the foot end with wite knuckles from the intensity of grip being in agony despite epidural and gas & air the useless midwife telling my dp to tell me to move to the head end in case I fell off........ quote "I don't see how she can fall off and I'm not telling her anything"

jalopy Sat 13-Jan-07 18:39:05

High on gas and air, I talked avidly about football....I know nothing about football

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now