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Trying to conceive baby#2 following ivf treatment for #1

(728 Posts)
lucieloos Sat 17-Mar-18 18:34:04

I thought I would start this thread as I can't see anything similar. We underwent many rounds of icsi and following a couple of bfns, and an ectopic pregnancy we were finally blessed with our beautiful daughter last year.

We recently started thinking about baby no 2 and had 4 frozen embryos of which 2 had been tested and found to be chromosomally normal so are meant to have a better chance. We didnt have the other 2 tested.

A couple of weeks back we had our first fet with one of the tested embryos and got a bfp super early at 4dp5dt. Sadly by 8dpt the line was barely visible and resulted in a chemical pregnancy. I've been feeling really down about it as this was meant to be a super duper embryo with no genetic problems which they said was the main reason embryos fail.

I thought it would be easier trying for #2 and of course it is in a way as I realise how lucky I am to have had a baby but I can feel the infertility fog starting to descend again as I realise although I've had a brief respite I will never be like my fertile friends and I do really want another baby and a sibling for my little girl.

Im feeling a bit negative at the moment. We will probably go back for the other tested embryo in the near future but I can't see how I would ever get lucky enough to get 2 bfps in a row. These things just don't happen to me so just not too hopeful about it at all. We said that if we used all of our frosties with no success we would be happy with what we have but already I am thinking should I do more fresh cycles. I will be 39 soon though so time isn't on my side for that.

Anyway just wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation and would like to share the journey. Please come and say hi.

Snowdayfet Sat 17-Mar-18 20:03:13

Checking in. I’m 37, ttc no 2, have one DS conceived on my first FET after a freeze all cycle with a PGS tested embryo. Just about to have my first attempt at ttc no 2 (also a PGS tested embryo) confirmed as a chemical pregnancy. 2 more PGS tested frosties left. Ho hum.

Wow lucie I didn’t realise you had been through so much ttc no 1. You are a strong woman. I know what you mean about the infertility fog descending again - it feels so unfair that we can’t just have babies like (seemingly) every one else. I definitely think it is much less crap than ttc no 1 but it’s still just rubbish and I’ve been surprised at how much brain space -serially testing- wondering about this failed pregnancy has taken up over the past 10 days.

lucieloos Sat 17-Mar-18 20:20:48

Thanks snow, with my first baby I had first transfer which was bfn, then a cancelled cycle, then I did 3 more rounds of embryo banking which is where my frosties came from. Then had a round on the NHS which was bfp but ectopic and went through 2 months of hell with that and ended up having to take chemo meds to remove embryo. Then another fresh round followed by bfn and then another fresh round which resulted in my daughter.

I got excited by this fet because I thought finally things had worked out easily for us but of course it wasn't to be. I just can't help but feel panicked by the next transfer because it's our last tested one. Then we have one decent untested and one not so good untested.

twinkledag Sat 17-Mar-18 20:21:07

Me.

3.5 yr old DS conceived from a FET.

Failed fresh cycle in 2016 then failed FET in 2017.

Egg collection on Monday for our 3rd and final round. Am also 39 and angry/sad that we can't have a baby naturally, It sucks.

lucieloos Sat 17-Mar-18 20:26:43

Hi twinkle, so sorry to hear about your failed fets. Wishing you lots of luck for Monday. It really does suck though doesn't it. I feel like I may be following in your footsteps if these next couple of fets don't work. Please stick around and let us know how it goes on Monday.

twinkledag Sat 17-Mar-18 20:29:35

Will do.

I hate that we have to be grateful that we have a child already when others have home so easily angry

twinkledag Sat 17-Mar-18 20:31:16

*Them not home

lucieloos Sat 17-Mar-18 20:32:48

Yes I know what you mean twinkle it doesn't make it much easier. I don't feel like my family is complete yet. I know my friends will go on to have second and maybe third babies but i must be grateful that I've had the one. Of course I am eternally grateful but I still yearn for another.

lucieloos Mon 19-Mar-18 07:04:28

Good luck for egg collection today twinkle 🍀

Snowdayfet Mon 19-Mar-18 08:43:02

Good luck twinkle

I am sat waiting for my second beta. I took another first response this morning and only a very faint line. So another blood test a bit of a waste of time. Just want to schedule an appointment with my doctor to figure out next steps!

lucieloos Mon 19-Mar-18 08:50:41

Oh good luck snow it's so disappointing but I hope the numbers go down quickly for you so you can draw a line under this one and begin to plan for the next. When do you think you might be able to see your doctor?

Snowdayfet Mon 19-Mar-18 09:02:42

Thanks lucie. I just need the go ahead to stop the cyclogest and move on. I have a 35 day cycle anyway so i only have 10 cycles a year as it is. Hoping to see the doctor this week although would be fine if it was next week - no rush. I need to write down my long list of questions for him too!

Snowdayfet Mon 19-Mar-18 09:05:13

I also feel like I need to take the next cycle a bit more seriously. Ttc no 1 I was eating super healthily, taking every vitamin under the sun, exercising 4 times a week, doing acupuncture etc (including directly before and after transfer). This time I was eating like crap, drinking lots, no exercise other than walking, no acupuncture, sleeping badly (thanks to my son!) etc. Just because other women do that and still get pregnant at the drop of a hat doesn’t mean it’s applicable to me.

kmmr Mon 19-Mar-18 09:23:53

Hi snowday. I feel like we have been on a thread before together. Quite likely in this infertility game!

But my story is exactly the same. Had my son at 38 after 5 years trying. I had 4 frosties, and when he was approaching 2 we did 2 cycles, both failed. Then a third when they worked out there was a lining issue. 3rd embie failed to defrost properly, so suddenly it was my last go. With the worst quality embryo, and I was pretty angry as I feel the lining issue was obvious (I had mentioned it) but went ahead with the first 2 cycles, and 'wasted' those best quality ones. 3rd cycle resulted in a BFP, then chemical... which made me even more upset, as that meant the earlier ones may well have taken. Anyway, hindsight...

At that stage I was 40, and we'd agreed we would only try the frosties, but after a few months I realised I just wasn't ready to give up. DH took some convincing, but he relented in the end. At 41 I had one last fresh go. Got one good blast, which is pretty normal for me, but it came to nothing. Just more money poured away. DH thought I'd push for another, but the fact that it wasn't 'even' a chemical made me feel it just wasn't going to happen, and I don't have the heart or energy for donor eggs.

Anyway, I'm now 6 months later and I'm coming to terms with it. I'm glad I'm out of the IVF fog. I gave it all I could, and it didn't work - the last fresh cycle was needed to show me it was the end.

It breaks my heart that my son won't have a sibling, but now at least I can give him all my focus, not be yearning for another. I can see more clearly now how siblings aren't that great for everyone, and one child is a lovely experience. I am more present in each moment, good or bad, as I know this is the only time I get them, so I don't get annoyed easily at anything.

I'd still give my right arm for another, but we know that's not enough...

So, just giving you another view. It can be ok, and in truth it's so much better than not having one at all. I'm not saying be grateful, although I know you are, just console yourself with soft toddler cuddles and giggles. It is better, so much better, than what it could have been.

kmmr Mon 19-Mar-18 09:25:06

Sorry, mixed up names! That was meant to be addressed to Lucieloos

Snowdayfet Mon 19-Mar-18 10:28:09

Gosh kmmr that sounds like a real rollercoaster. Sorry it didn’t work out but am glad you’re approaching some sense of peace.

If you don’t mind me asking what was the lining issue identified and why did it take so long for it to be picked up?

PonyPals Mon 19-Mar-18 11:08:34

Hi all,
We were successful after the very first IVF cycle and had one frozen emby which was 'perfect'.
Now that DS is 2.5 we decided to give our frosty a try and I will be honest I was expecting it to just work.
I am now on day 8dp5dt and keep getting negatives POAS. I know I shouldn't be testing but I can't help it.
It just hit me how very very lucky we were to just get DS from very first go of IVF.
Wishing you luck. You are all very brave.

lucieloos Mon 19-Mar-18 11:53:05

Oh kmmr thank you so much for sharing your story. It almost made me cry a little. I'm so sorry you didn't get your bfp. You are right things are a million times better now than they could have been. At one point it was looking likely that we may not have a baby at all. I guess it's just hard starting over again after having a year out of the infertility game and with a tested embie I kind of had high hopes it would work. It's just really put me on edge for my next transfer and I'm really stressing over everything whereas the first time I was excited and looking forward to it. I'm not sure the frosties would be enough for me and like you would probably need to try 1 or 2 more fresh cycles as well before I could maybe start coming to terms with things. What was the problem with your lining?

It's tough, just been out for coffee with a couple of friends that I've made since having my little one and one of them was talking about starting trying for the next. I haven't told anyone about the ivf but did decide to tell them that I recently had a very early loss and because of my age I wasn't sure if it would work out for another baby for us. It made me feel a little better in a way that they knew a small part of the story as although dh would like another and is disappointed he's more of the opinion that there's only so much we can do and he doesn't want us to get all stressed and impact on our little girl which I agree with but it's just hard.

I expect we probably have met on other infertility board before as I've been hanging around here for a good few years now! Hope you're ok.

lucieloos Mon 19-Mar-18 11:55:09

Hi pony so sorry to hear about your bfns. Really hope you get good news soon. It is such a hard process when it doesn't work as expected. Would be great if you stick around and let us know how things go x

kmmr Mon 19-Mar-18 12:41:22

Basically just a thin lining. They tried to convince me thr 5-6mm was ok 'within the range of normal'. Tried the pill, which made no difference. In the end they gave me a mini IVF protocol. So just 1 or 2 injections of (something..) which pushed the lining to about 8-9mm.
In the fresh cycle I had a much better lining, so I must respond well to the stim drugs.

Snowdayfet Mon 19-Mar-18 12:42:36

Oh god lucie you are stronger than me with the antenatal crew. One of the mums I’m friends with said “well I’m worried about ttc no 2 because last time it took us FOUR MONTHS to conceive”. I had to just grit my teeth. It’s like a different world.

pony sorry you’ve had another bfn. It’s the absolute pits.

kmmr Mon 19-Mar-18 12:46:20

Pony, I know what you mean! I know it took us a long time, but for various reasons the cycle I had my son was the first time we'd actually put back an embryo. Previous ones had had to be frozen - so the first real attempt worked.
I kind of expected the others would too! And like snow, I also didn't take the time to be as ready. Eating normally, drinking, bad sleep, just a bit of random acupunture here and there. Maybe it made a difference, maybe not. I'll never know. But it's just not so easy with another kid, and the costs of the existing child! I wasn't quite so flush this time around.

lucieloos Mon 19-Mar-18 12:58:31

Snow I've spent so long hiding things from people about infertility I just wanted to tell someone. I don't really want to go into the ins and outs of infertility treatment with them but I thought a lot of people have miscarriages so they just assumed we were trying naturally and it happened that way but meant that I could open up about my fears of not being able to have any more which did help a little.

So sorry about the lining kmmr it's so hard to cover all bases. There's so many variables that it can be impossible to think of everything but I guess your clinic should have been more upfront about the lining.

Snowdayfet Mon 19-Mar-18 13:27:24

Oh I totally get it lucie. I just feel like I would be frustrated when the conversation inevitably ends with “well you are meant to be more fertile the month after a miscarriage so just try again!” or things like that. But I never really got over the bitterness of being infertile. Probably not healthy at all!

lucieloos Mon 19-Mar-18 13:41:27

Yes it was a little like that I guess they were kind of like I'm sure when you go back to work and have a little more time to chill rather than running around after a baby all the time then it might happen. I've not got over the bitterness either to be honest. It sucks. When will you get your beta results from today?

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