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Christmas - a great way of telling the infertile they're a social pariah

(106 Posts)
HesterShaw Tue 01-Dec-15 14:55:11

That's it really. I should have got used to it by now. But sister recently announced she's pregnant for the third time (totally unplanned, silly her, ha ha ha). That's three kids in the time we have just been wanting and failing to have just one. So despite trying not to appear so in front of me, DM is thrilled and can't/won't stop talking about it.

We're fed up of spending Christmas on the road (hundreds of miles over two weeks every sodding year) in order to be granted the honour of interacting with family members, and have recently moved into a lovely cottage near the sea, and wanted Christmas at home for once. Asked the PIL back in September if they'd like to come and they said "lovely yes please". It transpired that then SIL asked them to come to hers, and play happy families with her brood. PIL are very materialistic and love buying shit stuff for the GC so they said yes they'll go to hers instead. Didn't actually have the manners to let us know, just hoped we'd find out somehow, which we have.

Infertile people - don't think you're worth anything at Christmas. You have not procreated. Grandparents want to spoil grandchildren at Christmas and you have failed to produce any.

Wankers angry

If anyone wants to tell me I'm vile and bitter, don't bother.

TheMshipIsBack Tue 01-Dec-15 15:00:43

flowers That sucks. Your parents were rude to not tell you. I hope you and your partner have a wonderful Christmas just the two of you, and I wish you the best of luck with a family of your own.

Kittymum03 Tue 01-Dec-15 15:10:47

Well we have a Two year old and are still expected to travel everywhere to everybody,so that hasn't changed sad
I completely agree with you.There's always somebody to make sure you know you 'should' of had a baby,sn't there? 'It's about time YOU had a little one' etc.. But Christmas was always pretty miserable.Also at work with the whole 'YOU may as well work every day in December as YOU don't have children'

I agree that's crappy behaviour from your PIL.Your new cottage sounds lovely and I'm jealous!

HesterShaw Tue 01-Dec-15 15:13:12

Thanks Mship, you too flowers Alas it's all over for us and I'm mostly resigned to it, but occasionally it kicks you all over again.

It's his parents not mine. Mine can be pretty mental but they wouldn't be that bastard rude and thoughtless.

And in defiance of THEM I've invited two friends round for Xmas day. We're going to eat and drink an obscene amount and have a blast. That'll show the bastards!

ToesAndFingersCrossed Tue 01-Dec-15 15:16:19

Your PIL were very rude and frankly mean just ditching you like that to do stay with their other child and her family!

If our round of IVF had needed in another miscarriage this year we were going to just go on a massive holiday (despite all the IVF debt) and sod everyone else! You should totally do than and then spend the rest of the next year showing all your in-laws photos of your amazing holiday over and over again. Maybe even say that now you have seen the light you will be spending every Christmas in Dubai/Maldives/Thailand even when you've had kids, to deprive them of the spooling they seem so fond of. Maybe I'm just really petty though blush

HesterShaw Tue 01-Dec-15 15:16:35

Thanks kittymum. Congratulations on your little one.

LaurieFairyCake Tue 01-Dec-15 15:17:39

Your parents are insensitive arse holes thanksthanksthanks

twirlypoo Tue 01-Dec-15 15:21:04

Well they sound like giant knobbers! I hope your boozy, friend filled, fun christmas in your cottage is wonderful. Stuff them flowers

phoenix1973 Tue 01-Dec-15 15:21:30

That is rotten, I feel for you.
I hope next year is a better year for you xxxxxxx

HesterShaw Tue 01-Dec-15 15:23:34

His! His parents! My dad has dementia and doesn't know what century it is let alone how many grandchildren he has!

momb Tue 01-Dec-15 15:26:30

One of my Brothers and his partner (no kids) have a lovely grown up Christmas with a gang of friends, their own traditions and in jokes..lots of delicious things no one will turn their nose up at and no-one nagging to watch the Queen or Dr Who. At about 7pm on Christmas Day every year I raise a glass to them and wish I were with them rather than being responsible for the contentment of all these people.
OP: make your own traditions now with people you actually want to see and don't invite the ILs again. Very rude!
I'm very sorry for your fertility troubles.

HesterShaw Tue 01-Dec-15 15:26:32

Thanks everyone smile

May all of you still trying get your bundle of joy and if not, may we find peace and acceptance wine

shutupandshop Tue 01-Dec-15 15:29:52

Why dont you spend christmas with your dh in your lovely new home. Stuff em. Your parents have been vile.

HesterShaw Tue 01-Dec-15 15:36:41

We are and it's not my parent!

Oh dear smile it's obviously the way I phrased it!

We're going to have a brunch, then a trip to the beach to watch the mad Christmas day swimmers and maybe have some mulled wine from a flask. The come back and start drinking cooking when our friends come over. Presents will be fitted in somewhere, doesn't matter where because there'll be no whining children and overindulgent grandparents to appease. After dinner some games. Maybe Pissed Pictionary...always a winner.

Kittymum03 Tue 01-Dec-15 15:40:07

The Christmas day your planning sounds fabulous anyway! smile

SuddenlySad Tue 01-Dec-15 15:44:30

Please can I come to yours for Christmas, that sounds like a perfect day to me!

moggle Tue 01-Dec-15 15:49:48

That's really shit of them. I always think that if you are too embarrassed/ scared to tell someone something (eg that you have changed your xmas plans) then it's an excellent sign you've been a bit of a thoughtless twat.
I bet they'll wish they were at yours by 3pm when the kids are coming down from their sugar high and moaning that all their presents are opened.
Meanwhile you'll be enjoying some mulled wine by the cosy fire in peace having come in from a lovely cold blustery walk. Lovely wine

KERALA1 Tue 01-Dec-15 15:53:06

How crap for you. Sympathy. Your house sounds fab.

Cold comfort but some gps are rubbish - my in laws don't want to see us or our dds so having kids doesn't automatically make difficult family members any easier...

HesterShaw Tue 01-Dec-15 15:53:30

You can all come <generous>

We have an open fire too! Now all we need is a crisp, cold day and lots of wine to mull.

spanky2 Tue 01-Dec-15 16:04:33

We are social pirahas too. We do have dscs, but no grandparents as mine are toxic and abusive, mil is too. So we don't have that wonderful Christmas of extended family squashing round a table laughing and loving being with each other. Feels inadequate replying, no just the four of us as my parents hate me and my youngest dc.
So, don't worry about the pil, what do they know anyway?! Your Christmas sounds lovely. Don't get sucked into this Christmas is about the kids bollocks! And in turn I won't get sucked into the grandparents should be there bollocks!!!
Merry Christmas!

shutupandshop Tue 01-Dec-15 16:04:59

Pil been vile

moggle Tue 01-Dec-15 16:06:57

PILs+Vile = Piles!
Maybe that will be their christmas present...

shutupandshop Tue 01-Dec-15 16:07:03

I have dcs but we always spend it at home. Im no contact with my parents and dh's are awful. Its too much hassle anyway with dcs presents. I love it this way but am jealous of your cottage by the sea with log fire. envy

shutupandshop Tue 01-Dec-15 16:07:51

PILs+Vile = Piles!

Lmao love it. Pil shall be known as piles from here forth.

HesterShaw Tue 01-Dec-15 16:09:55

A few years ago the same SIL decided that only children should have presents i.e. we had to buy her children presents but she needn't get any for our family i.e. me and DH. After all Christmas is about children (once she'd had hers naturally)

Would a box of chocs or bottle of wine to Aunty Hester and Uncle Hester love from Dear Nieces really have been so difficult/expensive?

Agreed spanky. Christmas isn't just for children. Christmas should be for everyone.

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