Advanced search

DS/DD off to Uni? - Empty nest support thread

(1000 Posts)
rustybear Thu 31-Aug-06 20:09:19

DS is off to Warwick in October - anyone else feeling old? Or are there any old hands with advice ?

saggarmakersbottomknocker Sun 19-Sep-10 16:17:54

My middle one has gone abroad for his second year <sob>

webwiz Sun 19-Sep-10 16:19:14

Donkeyderby is your DD at UEA? If so don't worry! DD1 is about to start her second year there and she made friends really easily (She wasn't very confident and didn't like new situations). Most people in the halls of residence are first years and they are all keen to get to know each other.

Manda25 Sun 19-Sep-10 19:21:39

We are in London and my 19 yr old leaves for 'up North' in 6 days time!! I have been trying not to think about it ...(reading this thread has made me cry !!) We have been shopping and have got all the pots and pans etc. .... and 2 suitcases full of food!

It is a strange mixture of feelings !

Trishee Mon 20-Sep-10 21:32:40

Just dropped of DS1 to start at Huddersfield yesterday. Despite having two other kids, I'm feeling devastated. We've always lived in Wimbledon, so it's a bloody long way away.

My DS1 has always been academically very bright, but a complete airhead - totally impractical. Got a text from him today saying that he went for a walk last night and got lost for three hours !! This isn't helping my worries about him any.

I'm sure the whole experience will do him a world of good, but I expect a lot of calls of "Mum, what do I do about....?" in the next couple of weeks.

donkeyderby Mon 20-Sep-10 22:29:21

Thanks webwiz and mummeee. Makes me feel much better. DD's been on the Facebook sites and has chatted to people in her block and her course. Quite a few boasts about gap years and exotic travels but they can't all be well-travelled sophisticats.

mumeeee Tue 21-Sep-10 10:22:15

donkeyderby. You are right they are'nt all sophisticated travellers. DD2 spent her gap yeer working for a short time in the Disney shop. Diobg some dance classes and also a couple of shows ( she is doing acting and media at uni). Most of the time she seemed to just be habging round the house or going out with friends.

donkeyderby Mon 27-Sep-10 16:18:57

Well, we dropped her off at UEA....I feel fine one minute, and then my stomache gives a lurch out of nowhere and I realise that she is the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of at night. It feels so strange, like I've lost her.

I'm pleased not to have the extra clearing up she generates and not to have to cook a vegetarian meal every night that she won't eat because she's already had cheese on toast at 5pm. But I'm so worried she's not making friends. She says she is on good terms with her fellow students in her block in halls, but doesn't 'have anything in common with them'...that's 14 people she doesn't have any thing in common with!

When does the worrying ease off?!

toomuchempathy Mon 27-Sep-10 17:20:09

we are now alone in what feels like an empty house after dd2 went last week . she is fine and really enjoying herself but we feel lost and trying to find things to do other than work & Tv that will not feel as though dd's are 'missing' ! Any ideas ?

Lilymaid Mon 27-Sep-10 21:58:19

We too are now official empty nesters. DS2 had a gap year last year, so was out of the country for several months. We dropped him off at university on Saturday. I felt a little sad this evening returning from work - as on Friday DS2 had picked me up so we could do a supermarket shop and of course, he wasn't there today!
Anyway, DS2 has a massive room in hall - what used to be a double room, so there is one large room and a smaller area through an archway. All the furniture that is there is a bed, built in wardrobe, desk, small chest of drawers, desk chair and some wall shelving above the desk. So, has anyone any suggestions on how to use up the space? We are considering taking some camping chairs/table/bean bag and any other odd bits and pieces that can be taken to pieces and transported home at the end of the year (he doesn't have to pack up at Christmas or Easter). Any further suggestions - especially for storage furniture would be welcome!

mumeeee Mon 27-Sep-10 22:52:56

donkeyderby She will make friend. When DD1 went to uni in 3005 she said she had nothing in common with the other students in her block in halls, But she did make friends and now at 23 she is still in touch with a few of them and her 2 best friends were bridesmaids at her wedding last year. DD2 is quite shy but as I said she has also made frinds during her first year at uni.
My brothers oldest son ( my nephew)went to uni this weekend and apparently my niece aged 10 cried all last night about her missing big brother and couldn't get to sleep!

Milliways Tue 28-Sep-10 18:40:22

DD goes back on Saturday - and has just found that her shared house (owned by the college) has a Washing machine! She is sooo spoiled this year, 4 best friends sharing a lovely place, cleaner & gardener provided, literally opposite the college door

The 4 girls now have a bedroom each, 2 bathrooms & 2 kitchens (one on each floor), a tiny sitting room - with sofa, kitchen table & chairs, and a 180' garden. Result grin

donkeyderby Wed 29-Sep-10 09:43:38

Thanks again mumeeee. Lovely and comforting to hear about your DD. My DD is terrible at keeping in contact and her silence creates a space in which I can project all my worst fears! I notice she has a new 'friend' on Facebook from the Uni, so that's something.

webwiz Wed 29-Sep-10 13:04:09

My DD's house is a bit different from your DD's Milliways! It is very messy and all the boys have their own gaming consoles so they have 2 Xboxs, several PS3s and a Nintendo 64. They have already had a complaint from the Postgraduate student who lives next door because everyone was playing different music loudly and she couldn't get any studying done. I think they bought her a bottle of wine and promised to synchronize music choice.

donkeyderby -I work on the principle of "no news is good news"! If she isn't contacting you it means she's spending time doing other stuff.

toomuchempathy Wed 29-Sep-10 15:06:39

Lilywhite - could have spare bed for visitors , could charge small fee for friends visitors !! ?? Also space for all those poor souls who have to move out over holidays to leave stuff behind . otherwise bean bags sound good , or a sofa ?

toomuchempathy Wed 29-Sep-10 15:09:07

whoops just re- read it and beds & sofas aren't usually very transportable ! but maybe some are !?

Lilymaid Wed 29-Sep-10 15:25:39

Oh, yes, I could suggest to DS2 that he rent out part of his room as storage - he'd quite like to develop a reputation as an entrepreneur and earn a bit of money!

mumeeee Wed 29-Sep-10 23:41:38

Milliways . Thats good . DD2 has also founfd a house that is right behind the campus. We have seen it and it's a very nice house well actually like a cottage and has an apple tree in the garden. They have a gardener but not a cleaner.

Milliways Thu 30-Sep-10 16:28:51

It'll be nice visiting in the spring when we can sit in their gardens.

TeenageWildlife Mon 04-Oct-10 10:20:56

First day without my DD. Dropped her off yesterday so now just me and DS. Where did the time go? I miss all the stages of her, her warmth and her chaos. I know she'll be fine but I just feel so sad and heartbroken.sad

mumeeee Mon 04-Oct-10 11:37:48

TeenageWildlife Well done to both you and your DD for getting her this far in life. You will feel sad for a litle while, But you will get used to it. Arrange a time to phone her and in the mean time send her texts. I phone DD2 once w week, Usually on a Friday. I also send her silly bits and pieces from time to time.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Mon 04-Oct-10 11:44:13

My DD, our second has started at a Unit 200 miles away and is loving it. But then she spent the last year backpacking in Oz/South east Asia so is well used to being away from home and home comforts.

DS doing a masters only 50 miles away.

We email/text regularly - no set rules about this, and of course DS is much worse than DD about communication!!

We are LOVING being a couple again! And the bliss of waking up and finding the house exactly how I left it the night before!! Not sure I was born to be a parent actually!!

TeenageWildlife Tue 05-Oct-10 09:22:30

That's the trouble, I was born to be a parent and feel like my right arm has gone. Smelt her pillows this morning and miss her so much. sad

Glee4mee Wed 06-Oct-10 13:57:06

Hi another mum feeling not quite whole at the moment. Text DD1 this am and haven't had a read receipt yet - I'm imagining all sorts! Will i remember this feeling when I'm doing the washing in December?

agedknees Wed 06-Oct-10 17:52:50

dd went back on Thursday. She had a horrid house last year, but is in a nice clean flat this year (5 sharing).

She sent a photo of her room on Sunday to say it was still tidy.

Feel better leaving her in a clean flat. Hated leaving her in house of horrors last year.

toomuchempathy Wed 06-Oct-10 18:30:46

To TW yes it is sad ! Both DH and I feel as though the house is empty and as you say, they are missing. I have tried to be very busy nad planned a short break somewhere we hadn't been as a family . Then they both decide to want to come home on ssame weekend and the same as end of our break > so hol rearranged so we can collect dd2 . Looking forward to this but not the week after when all will seem very quiet again . We are not alone but not everybody talks about it , people always say Oh you'll have your life back ,,but I LIKED MY LIFE WITH CHILDREN !! it will get better !!!!

This thread is not accepting new messages.