Waiting to TTC (age 34+)

[Malapropist]

Just wondered if anyone else is waiting to ttc!
I'm currently waiting to TTC - probably until January at least. I am 34 and DH is 36. Listening to radio 4 programme at the moment about fertility and it's making me panic a bit.

We already have 2 DC (and I know how lucky we are to have them) but I really want one more. I'm itching to get started and now this programme is making me feel worse about needing to wait! And we do have to wait for a variety of reasons.

I will be 35 at least before we have another baby and DH will be 37/38.

I have a lot of anxiety around pregnancy and something going wrong and it's horrible hearing about risk factors increasing!

[Efferlunt]

I'm listening to a programme on radio 4 now about the right time to have a family. It's v interesting re fertility etc.

[Malapropist]

Yes me too! It's partly what has got me thinking about it! I've been dipping in and out of it (running in and out of the kitchen) - one Dr at the beginning of the programme said if you want 3 kids you need to start trying at age 23!

[Wawawaa]

I am 38 in a few days time and have waited for my partner to be ready to try for over a year. He has now delayed again (until he 'feels ready'), so I think I will go it alone and try as soon as possible. I've been looking at coparenting sites and love the idea of two families sharing responsibility for a child. But I feel your pain. I'm also really worried that it's just already too late now. :( I'm booking fertility tests to try and find out if that's the case.

[Malapropist]

Oh no! That's really tough!! Are you still with your partner? Have you told him that you are thinking of going it alone? Not sure how co-parenting would really work...

I really feel for you!

[SeaBridge]

I'm waiting until January too Malapropist. I'm 33 and it'll be my first baby. Been reading around the subject a lot and am a bit nervous my age will affect things - took me a while to find the right man though!

[Malapropist]

Hello SeaBridge! waves
Ooh that's exciting! It's nice to hear from someone else waiting! Maybe we can be TTC buddies when the time comes (eventually).

It's hard isn't it - lots of factors conspire so we end up having children at a certain age and then worry it's too late! I know 33 / 34 / 35 is not "old" in this day and age but it's still worrying to hear about increasing risks!

Is your partner on board with starting in Jan?

[SeaBridge]

Yes I'd love a buddy, looks like a funny old journey ahead!

How did you find conceiving with your previous children? My research so far has led me to believe it's bloody hard to get pregnant. All my life I've been so careful when the stats say there's only a 20% chance each month...

And yes, my hubby's on board. He's been ready a while I think, just waiting for me to give him the nod, seeing as I've got to do most of the hard work ;-)

How are you passing the time before Jan? I figure I'll come off the Pill fairly soon so I can get to grips with my cycle. I've just downloaded Ovia on my phone. It'll keep me busy!

[Malapropist]

Hooray! It's always nice to have a buddy!

Glad to hear your DH is all set too!

I conceived pretty quickly the last two times (3rd month of trying and 1st month of trying, respectively) but I'm fully aware that it may not happen like that again. We will be 3 years older than last time for starters!

I keep thinking that I should be healthier - drink less alcohol and more water, go to bed earlier, eat better etc etc in order to prepare for pregnancy! Im not on the pill but still waiting for AF to appear following the birth of my youngest - it seems that my body can't do breastfeeding and periods at the same time!

I think that for most people it's still not all that hard to get pregnant, but it might take a while and miscarriage is relatively common, especially in the early weeks. And of course you just never know if there is a problem until you try! Which makes waiting and worrying about it so much harder!

May I ask why you are waiting for Jan?
We have several reasons:

• AF needs to come back (obviously) and I need time to make that happen. For various reasons it should be easier to reduce feeding over Xmas when DH and other family are around and DD will be older then too!
  
• we are doing some building work in October / November and I don't want to deal with that while feeling awful
  
• would prefer not to conceive in Nov / Dec and have a July / Aug baby (pretty minor reason but I guess it's another convenience of waiting)
  
• last and least important but am going on holiday at the end of summer and will be nice not being pregnant then!

[SeaBridge]

It's funny, it's only when you start reading about conceiving that you realise what a numbers game it is. Everyone's so different too, it's impossible to know how the dice will fall for you!

Yes to the healthy stuff - I'm trying to shift a little bit of weight, drink less and sleep more. I've been reading about vitamins etc. but the jury seems to be out on whether they actually help or hinder pregnancy. Think I'll just stick with folic acid. Have you taken any before?

Miscarriage is a lot more common than I realised. Isn't in one in five? I'm a worrier at the best of times so I think it'll be a real challenge for me to try and relax throughout the whole process. I guess even when the babies are here you never stop worrying so I'd better get used to it!

Sounds like your reasons for waiting until New Year are all very sound. AF is pretty crucial to the whole process - will be one of the only times you want her to make an appearance! We're waiting as we have a big blowout holiday at the end of December - my mother in law passed away in January so we're using a little of the inheritance to have a big blowout holiday before we settle down. Like you I want to have a few drinks, not feel ill and just enjoy it. They have Zika there so I'll need to wait until we're back before TTC.

[Malapropist]

Re vitamins I take a pregnancy and lactation supplement which my midwife recommended - and I will just keep taking it. It's called BioCare and you can get it from Amazon. I also take Omega 3 and probiotics (when I remember) I figure every little helps!! I try to make DH take stuff too as there are some micronutrients like (I think) magnesium and selenium which are good for sperm - I think it's most important in the couple of months before conception so will up the ante in December!

I am also a massive worrier! I hate it actually! Wish I could just breeze through life and only worry about things when they have actually happened!!! And yes, it doesn't stop when the babies are here! My mum was saying she still feels like that now and we are all grown up! I found hypnobirthing really helped with my anxiety during pregnancy. There is a really good fear release meditation that gave me something to do when I was stressing out and getting upset - DH would push me into the bedroom and be like "lie down, shut your eyes Andy do your fear release!" It did help!!

Your holiday sounds fab!! Are you going to South America? Definitely good to wait until after with Zika about! We are only off to Italy so for me it's just a case of not wanting to feel sick and to be able to have lovely Italian wine with my pizza! I have decided that after that holiday I will be a bit stricter on the diet and alcohol front. I read a book called "It starts with the egg" or something like that and it was all about how you can make your eggs as healthy as possible so I'm going to give that a go for a few months before we TTC. Except for Christmas - might allow myself a few wines and chocolates etc then!!

[Malapropist]

Sorry to hear about your mother in law. Hope your DH is OK!

[SeaBridge]

Might be sneaking some extra 'treats' into DH's Christmas dinner this year then, ha ha!

You sound just like me with the worrying. It doesn't get us anywhere does it? Hypnobirthing sounds right up my street. Does it help with labour at all? (please say yes!). I'm a big fan of the meditation app Headspace and I noticed they have a book about pregnancy, as well as a series of meditations you can do, so will be checking that out when the time comes. I'm a strong believer though that everything happens for a reason and if It's meant to be it will happen. I'm not only a worrier but a planner too - the best combination - so I've got to resist the urge to read everything that's ever been written about TTC so I don't get overwhelmed with it all. I think you can read too much, especially on the age front. I'm willing to bet 33-35 is quite a popular age to give birth nowadays, but a lot of these websites give you the impression you're somewhat over the hill.

We're off to Cuba, for New Year - it's somewhere my mother in law always wanted to go, so it seemed fitting. I've not done Italy but it's on the list. Mostly for the food if I'm honest! DH is doing OK thanks. If we do have a baby though I'm sure there'll be some sad moments with her not being around...

[DoAsDreamersDo]

hey ladies, I'm 33 and already feel like time is against me! We're trying for our first and are currently on our third cycle. I'm already thinking about the fact that I'll be at least 34 by the time I give birth. Wish we'd started trying sooner, but plenty of time left I suppose.

[SeaBridge]

Welcome to our little thread DoAsDreamersDo - yes plenty of time left, I know lots of people who have had their babies young and there's a lot to be said for maturity and financial stability. Plus I've enjoyed many years of freedom and lovely holidays that they've never had. My doctor wasn't being 35 does seem to carry different weight). The way I see it there's no point worrying as we don't have a time machine and we are where we are. You've got to do what feels right for you. And remember: chances of getting pregnant in your early thirties are only slightly lower than in your late 20s.

[SeaBridge]

Ooops something went wrong with that message! The second line should read: my doctor wasn't remotely concerned about me being 33, though being 35 does seem to carry a different weight.

[GnTplease]

Hi ladies! Can I join? I'm 33 and hoping to ttc early next year. I'm totally ready now but my DP wants to wait a little till we have cleared our credit card. He is 37 and 100% wants a family, I think he is just a bit daunted about pulling the trigger and actually TTC. We agreed for me to come off the pill so I stopped that in May and cycles are starting to come back which is good news. Trying not to think about it all too much but it's hard when it seems like all of our friends are getting pregnant! Also trying not to be too anxious but I can't help but worry that we might have problems...

[Malapropist]

Hello hello!! Welcome! Exciting to have a little posse of us all a similar age and all hoping to TTC in January!

SeaBridge - yes I did find hypnobirthing helpful in labour but it's supposed to be working on your subconscious so it can be hard to know for sure. It definitely can't hurt to try though! I also found a book called Birth Skills by Juju Sundin to be really helpful! But we are getting ahead of ourselves with that...

You sound very similar to me - another planner / worrier! (You may have guessed from the 'It starts with the egg' book I mentioned!). I do heartily recommend a book called Taking Charge of your Fertility by Toni Weschler. It is quiet a hefty tome but is fascinating if you are interested in the how and why of fertility!

If we start TTC in Jan, I will be 35 at the youngest before the baby is born... not great that the doc was concerned about that but not much I can do about it! I am only getting older!! Must just remember that the chances are it will be OK...

GnT & Dreamer so pleased you have joined the thread! It can be really hard when everyone around you is announcing pregnancies (obviously harder still if you are trying but it isn't happening) but it's making me think about babies all the time! I want my brain back for a bit!!

How are you all feeling about it?

[GnTplease]

I guess me coming off the pill is progress! It took a while to explain to my DP that it's not usually just the case that you TTC and fall pregnant immediately, it can take time and I don't want to leave it too long.
There is some pressure from my parents also. They had me older and neither me nor my brother have had any children so they are the only ones in their group of friends to not have grandchildren yet and I'd love to be able to give them that!
I'm really excited and I guess it's not too far in the distant future. Just a bit impatient and wish I could push all of the anxiety out of my head. So nice to know I'm not the only one feeling like this though
Does anyone else's DP think they are being a complete loon? Mine is so laid back!

[Malapropist]

Ha ha! Yes, mine! I get proper "baby fever" plus I can be a little bit of a control freak planner and he is ! I mean he did want kids but I was like counting down the years! Really hope I don't feel like this after the next baby!

[SeaBridge]

Hello newbies! Welcome!

Well girls, I did it - I took my final pill last night! After FIFTEEN YEARS this is a pretty big deal. Decided to come off it so I can get to grips with my cycle and find out who I really am, mwahahaha.

And GnTplease (great name btw) the very reason I'm on here is so I can spare my DH all the lunacy! Otherwise it's all he'd hear about! Will help me to deal with the anxieties too. It's good to talk...

[GnTplease]

Ahh @SeaBridge that's exciting!! Try not to panic too much if your cycles go a bit mental at first, mine are all over the place but I think that's pretty normal. I'm using an app called natural cycles and temping to try and work out what is going on with my body and avoid the fertile times at the moment until we are ready to TTC. I think this site is a blessing and a curse, it's feeding me being bonkers by reading every thread in sight but also keeping me from chatting about it to DP too much

[underthepeartree]

Hi all, can I gatecrash. I am 33 soon to be 34 and aiming to start trying at the end of the year. I am still on the pill but plan to stop in September to try and get my body back to "normal!" I feel like a total fraud as I am taking folic acid to prepare but still taking contraceptives! It took me ages to make my mind up to try for a baby but now I have its all I can think of!

[AlexsMum89]

Hiya, can I join? I'm still under 30 so I know I'm not in exactly the same boat, but I am also waiting to TTC, and have 1 DS already. He seems to be growing up at an alarming rate and he is about to turn 7 next month so the age gap is worrying me.
We are going to Florida in two weeks so we are supposed to be waiting until after that big holiday, but now I'm on the edge of securing myself a promotion that I've been working towards for years. If I do get it, we would need to wait around a year for me to secure it as a permanent job... The wait isn't ideal, but it's a significant promotion and the extra money would make life so much easier and it would mean I could return on less hours...
I have so many conflicting emotions and thoughts! I had my last depo injection in September after being on it for 6 years. It's been an absolute nightmare and my cycle is still settling down now. We've had a lot of 'slip ups' over the past couple of months with no results, but I've put a firm stop to it for now haha.

[Silversun83]

I'm not waiting to TTC.. In fact I am currently six weeks pregnant with second (who took two weeks to conceive at 34 as opposed to a year to conceive DD at 31 - how's that for fertility declining with age )..

But I just felt I should gatecrash to offer advice to @SeaBridge on Zika.. The current guidelines are to wait six-months after visiting an at-risk before getting pregnant.. It's a small risk but can still be transmitted in the sperm for this amount of time so you might wish to rethink your destination/delay TTC. Really sorry to hear about your MIL

[Silversun83]

*After visiting an at-risk country