Waiting to TTC (age 34+)

[Malapropist]

Just wondered if anyone else is waiting to ttc!
I'm currently waiting to TTC - probably until January at least. I am 34 and DH is 36. Listening to radio 4 programme at the moment about fertility and it's making me panic a bit.

We already have 2 DC (and I know how lucky we are to have them) but I really want one more. I'm itching to get started and now this programme is making me feel worse about needing to wait! And we do have to wait for a variety of reasons.

I will be 35 at least before we have another baby and DH will be 37/38.

I have a lot of anxiety around pregnancy and something going wrong and it's horrible hearing about risk factors increasing!

Thanks so much Silversun83 - after seeing this and weighing everything up we've decided to cancel, it's just not worth wasting six months as I'd be nearly 35. It would effectively mean we couldn't start TTC for another year. I think we initially read the guidelines wrong...so now, some Zika-free winter sun destinations are needed!

Hello hello everyone! Everyone is welcome to join! For me this is also mainly about having somewhere to go to talk about TTC and all things baby without driving DH around the bend because we aren't actually even TTC! YET

pear welcome to the crazy! And that isn't fraudulent, it's preparing well! I'm also taking pregnancy vits and not TTC for at least another 5 months! But from everything I have read it's good to get stores up in your body before you start! Can I ask why you are waiting to TTC?

Alexsmum - hello! Yes of course you can join. That's a tricky situation but you are so lucky you have age on your side! I wouldn't worry about the age gap too much. From my experience, every gap has pros and cons and a lot depends on the personality of the children - I have a 12 year age gap between me and my DSis and I loved it when she was born and we get on well now! We went to Florida last year - it was fantastic! Have you been before?

Silversun - congratulations! And thank you for busting the Fertility declining with age myth! Made me feel better about being not far off 35 when we TTC! I think I had also heard that about Zika virus but I think there is a blood test you can do to check if you caught it? I know it can be symptomless

(And by the way Alexsmum they have had it in florida too... not sure if it's such a problem but if you do plan to TTC within 6 months it might be worth checking).

That all said, there are women in those countries having babies who are healthy all the time so try not to worry too much!

SeaBridge - have a look into the test etc. I would say, personally, that if you really want to go to cuba, go to Cuba. Your fertility won't suddenly dramatically decline over a couple of months and when you have got kids you won't be able to do the same sort of actual fun holidays that you can do now. If you really don't fancy it then may I recommend a holiday to california? We have been in both November and February and although it isn't beach weather it was sunny and warm and the best holidays I have ever had!

Oh and seabridge if you Soho to Cuba make sure you and your DH do everything you can to avoid being bitten by a mosquito! Cover up, DEET tropical strength repellent, nets over the bed etc etc. It is possible! We went to the Amazon for 5 days and my DH didn't get bitten once and I got 3 bites, 2 of which were in the airport on the way home (and the third one was on my bum when I went to the loo in the night! ). Anyway, there were clouds of mosquitos there!

Ha ha not Soho, should be if you DO GO to Cuba!

Hi Malapropist. We are waiting to TTC for a number of reasons a lot of which seem silly when you start to write them down. The biggest being that we have 2 active holidays booked for September/October time and I don't want to risk my pregnancy or not be able to do all of the activities. I am also nearly at my target weight after losing 2 stone and I want to be in the healthiest place possible before TCC. We do however keep bringing the date forward as we are getting so excited and the more we keep talking about it, the more I want to start trying sooner but I know I want to wait a bit for practical reasons. I am probably over thinking things and too sensible for my own good and should just go with the flow a bit more, but that is just not me!

Welcome aboard underthepeartree and AlexsMum89!

I've been reading a fantastic book this weekend that I'd highly recommend to all us worriers/planners/control freaks: it's called The Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant and it's jam-packed full of down to earth advice, up-to-date medical research, dietary advice and reassuring words: plus it's got a good dose of humour thrown in too. I've just been reading about age: interestingly they tracked down the original source of the 'after 35 your fertility drops off a cliff' research and it was based on something in olden day France. The author goes on to provide a table based on modern-day fertility showing that in reality your fertility in early thirties is not much different from your late twenties. Makes you feel instantly better about everything: plus she says that wanting to learn as much as you can about TCC before you even start isn't crazy - it's just smart and giving yourself the best chance of success!

I too am going to start taking folic acid because I figure it can't hurt: plus now I'm off the pill if an 'accident' did happen before we were officially TTC my body would be better equipped to deal with things. AlexsMum89 it looks like Florida is all clear for Zika now - hooray!

[underthepeartree] your reasons for waiting aren't silly, they're absolutely valid. Well done on your fantastic weight loss! I've lost almost a stone and am hoping for a little more - I'm also unable to go with the flow, I guess it comes from being used to planning all the other aspects of our lives. Enjoy your holidays and wait that tiny bit longer. It'll be here before you know it.

As for Cuba, we haven't actually cancelled the holiday yet but I've been thinking about it all weekend and am very torn over what we should do. My DH says he will support me whatever I choose. Part of me wants to give myself as much time as possible for the TTC journey (my mum took a couple of years to get pregnant with me so you never know) and the other part wants to go on this fantastic holiday in memory of my MIL. BUT waiting for another year to start TTC feels like a very long wait... I think a pros and cons list is needed!

Hi @malapropist! Ive been once before 2 years ago. Im so excited, it will be my sons 7th birthday whilst out there so im planning all exciting things! Absolutely cannot wait!

@seabridge great news on florida! I'm glad I don't have to worry about zika - phew!

There's been another slipping up kind of situation. I think we are having a bit of trouble with the waiting! The chances are of course slim but my crazy brain is already planning on packing a frer in my suitcase . I'm glad I can let the craziness out here!

SeaBridge that book sounds really good, I will have to look it up. I'm so glad you said that about the fertility research. It seems that everything I read says it is really difficult to get pregnant over 35 but I know of lots of real life examples where it's been really easy! I think sometimes the more you read, the more paranoid it can make you. Alexsmum that's so funny - once it's in your head it's really hard to think of anything else isn't it? I'm trying to stay focused on the long term and think I've waited this long, it should be ok for another few months!

Morning all,

Will reply properly later but just a quick one to say "ugh!" ha ha! Another friend just announced another pregnancy and I am, of course, thrilled for them but I'm also ridiculously !! So silly as we aren't even TTC!! Am clearly completely bonkers!

emily yes of course you can join! How old is / are your other DC?

peartree those are all perfectly valid reasons!! It's a very personal decision so no one else gets to tell you what is or isn't a good reason iyswim!

Alexsmum phew! That's good news on florida! When are you going again? Sounds like you might not be on this board for too long with all your "slip ups"

seabridge I am ordering that book today!! I am totally committed to the craziness. I think it helps me feel better when we are having to wait to feel like I am doing something proactive!! plus am a total control freak

How are you all doing today? We are on holiday in cornwall this week so having a nice time but it's raining.

@Malapropist it's weird isn't it. As much as I'm thrilled for my friends, I think part of me just thinks oh god I really hope this happens for me too. It's not so much being jealous that they are pregnant just more aware that I really hope I can be too one day if that makes sense? In positive news I've used OPK's just to check if I'm ovulating after so many years on the pill, and I am so that's a relief!

Hi all, I hope you are enjoying Cornwall Malapropist, its lovely down there isn't it?
GnT - I couldn't agree more - I am always so happy for my friends when they are pregnant but I am so scared it wont happen for me when I want it so much! All this waiting makes it so much harder too but I know I am doing the right thing. I am trying to distract myself from thinking about it all by planning lots of things to do but it is incredibly hard. I am so pleased for you that you know you are ovulating - that is what I am worried about when I come off the pill. fingers crossed!

Ooh goodness I the ovulating GnT!! I need mine to hurry up and get moving!! That radio 4 programme the other day says we lose eggs even when we aren't ovulating! So I was like "HURRY UP!!"

Yes it's definitely envy rather than jealousy that I feel iyswim. Just they have already jumped so many hurdles and I've got it still to do! Rather a depressing article on BBC today about declining sperm counts due to poor diets (too much sat fat down sugar, not enough omega 3 and micronutrients) and things like plastics, pollution, smoking, obesity, yada yada yada.... am going to start asking forcing DH to take fish oil
Tablets.

As I say this I have a glass of wine in hand which is probably doing no good to the eggs at all but it's been a stressful day and I'm on holiday! Pic included below

Don't panic too much... I have 2 older DC from previous marriage. Now 37 and expected DC3 to take ages but we conceived first go (really didn't expect that so it's totally thrown the financial plan) and am due in March.

@Malapropist I think I spoke too soon...had a pretty dark line yesterday morning on an opk but not quite positive, thought it would definitely be positive by time i got home from
work so tested again and the line had almost gone same result this morning. Hoping I just missed it as I had some ovulation type pains last night.
Wow that view is incredible! And don't feel guilty about a glass or two of wine, plenty of time to cut that out when you're up the duff - for now I say enjoy it!

@malapropist we leave next Friday! I'm very excited, doing lots of fun preparation things!

I change my mind on a regular basis, if AF arrives as usual this month then I'll probably go back to the 'lets wait' thing for, er, a bit haha.

I'm driving myself a little loopy, my app says AF is due Saturday but I think it's more like Monday, maybe Tuesday. I'm actually counting down the days to find out what happens. When the crazy gets a bit much, I turn up here! Chances are I'll be back Tuesday back on the waiting train.