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Help needed in order to allow dd2 (3yrs) to continue sharing our bed.

(143 Posts)
Wills Tue 20-Feb-07 20:21:50

DD2 has always shared our bed and until the last 6 months its been fine. In the last 8 months we've moved house and had ds. We've moved a long way from dh's work which means he has a 2 hour commute in the morning and 2.5 hour commute in the evening. But the move has enabled us to live in a wonderful house and that I have been able to give up work and be a SAHM for the first time. BUT he gets up at 5.00 am and leaves the house at 5.30. This can't change if he wants to be home before 8.00 pm. dd2 is disturbed by dh getting up (and he's really really tried hard to be quiet), so that she's normally up around 5.45. When dd2 gets up (she's 3) somehow the rest of the house has to get up including ds and dd1. She knows exactly how to get her own way in my desperation in keeping ds and dd1 asleep and is now regularly getting away with murder. I've had to bring her bedtime forward as she's shattered, dd1 is tired, ds has a sleeping pattern all over the place and I'm tired too. I'm not not sleeping with my dh (we tried that for 2 weeks and we felt like we were barely seeing each other).

So.... Any thoughts about what I can do that don't involve me moving her out of our bed.

ScottishThistle Tue 20-Feb-07 20:24:54

To be honest I can't think of anything other than your child sleeping on her own, is there a reason why you want her to sleep with you even though it's turning your whole family upside down?

FrannyandZooey Tue 20-Feb-07 20:25:05

Is this temporary or forever? Could dh sleep with you for first part of night and then move elsewhere till the morning?

I know you said you don't want to move her, but just from personal experience we did move ds age 3 and it was really fine. I do miss it still, but we were not getting enough sleep, and he was ready for the move.

I do understand that you want to carry on, though.

I will give it some more thought - it's a sticky one, isn't it?

colditz Tue 20-Feb-07 20:29:49

I think, maybe, your husbands need for sleep may give reason to rethink insisting on your 3 year old sleeping in your bed?

God knows I am no believer of "Poor man, he can't do anything because he has a penis" shite, but seriously, he must be beyond exhausted.

alcyone Tue 20-Feb-07 20:30:50

Blimey, sounds like a right dilema.....
had a similar problem with my dd1,unfortunately i don't have any words of wisdom....except my dd slept through the disturbances once she was at nursery full time. Hope it gets better for you all

FrannyandZooey Tue 20-Feb-07 20:38:59

Colditz, not sure that the husband is the one being disturbed? More that when he gets up, everyone else gets up too and it is mucking up the kids's sleep?

BarbieLovesKen Tue 20-Feb-07 20:55:50

when your husband gets up, is it his fumbling around (albeit quiet fumbling) that wakes Little one? perhaps if your husband layed all his clothes and bits and bobs out in the sitting room the night before, then all he would have to do is climb quitely outta bed and straight out the door, dressing in another room, not looking for anything or disturbing anything? I dunno, you've prob tried that..

lostinfrance Tue 20-Feb-07 21:02:16

Message withdrawn

FrannyandZooey Tue 20-Feb-07 21:03:55

Yes, we have the same issue to some extent, even though ds is in the next room. Dp has his shower the night before, puts all his clothes for the morning downstairs, toothbrush etc, doesn't flush the toilet, walks around quietly.

He probably still wakes us up about 75% of the time, but then we all go to bed fairly early - after all dp has to, he has to get up early!

Wills Tue 20-Feb-07 21:04:11

Unfortunately he does lay out all of his clothes in the living room. There really isn't much more he could do (trust me I'd be the first one to tell him to do it! ). And yes its not really dh, more that ds and dd1 and I are disturbed by dd2 who is disturbed by dh. To be honest she always did get up early. Anything and everything from about 4.00am will disturb her.

At the moment dh turns on the tele onto cbeebies and she sometimes will manage a whole 30 minutes of sitting there on her own. But this is not common.

FluffyMummy123 Tue 20-Feb-07 21:04:53

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FrannyandZooey Tue 20-Feb-07 21:06:13

I shouldn't try to speak for Wills, but I would imagine the "good reason" is the same that most co-sleepers have - because they believe it is beneficial and more pleasant for the family to share a bed

it's a fairly common thing to want to do

Wills Tue 20-Feb-07 21:07:24

Lostinfrance. I get myself all steeled up to moving her into her own room and then in the early hours of the morning this tiny little hand reaches out and pats my back and snuggles back down and goes to sleep. She's only 3 and is seriously reassured by sleeping with us. She doesn't start the evening there but she always ends up there at somepoint during the night. When she was still in her cot (and in her own room at that point) she would demand milk twice a night. The upside of moving her into a bed is that she no longer demands milk, the down is this blasted morning runaround.

taffy101 Tue 20-Feb-07 21:08:19

To reiterate lostinfrance - why do you want her to stay in your bed? Surely now is a good time to make the break?

FrannyandZooey Tue 20-Feb-07 21:08:34

It's not really dd waking up that is waking you all up though, is it?

It's dh

is there any chance of him getting a job nearer? I would think you would all be better off if he could not have such a hideous commute

ScottishThistle Tue 20-Feb-07 21:09:33

I'm sure that in some cases it is more beneficial for a family to share a bed but in this case I can't see any benefits...Are you doing it for the child or yourself?

FrannyandZooey Tue 20-Feb-07 21:09:48

I would have thought a good time to make the break was when Wills felt her dd was ready - not when circumstances dictate it

<sorry must butt out here mustn't I Wills? >

FluffyMummy123 Tue 20-Feb-07 21:10:46

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FrannyandZooey Tue 20-Feb-07 21:11:06

LOL that's it Scottish Thistle, co-sleepers are all doing it selfishly for themselves because they are inadequate and what not

the same with breastfeeding past a year, it's not for the children's sake, oh no

FluffyMummy123 Tue 20-Feb-07 21:11:14

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FrannyandZooey Tue 20-Feb-07 21:11:56

your fins were not quite up to that last one eh cod?

FrannyandZooey Tue 20-Feb-07 21:12:41

No they are unhinged because their mother is a fish

<saw you went to boarding school on the other thread! That was an interesting cod fact I did not know>

moondog Tue 20-Feb-07 21:14:30

Good God,shift her out quick.
What matters most,the whims of a toddler or the optimum mental and physical health of the wage owner??????

ScottishThistle Tue 20-Feb-07 21:15:03

So explain the benefits of co-sleeping for this family as I can't think of any F&Z!

I'm sure the child would sleep better on her own, undisturbed by Daddy's early rise.

My Cousin still sleeps with Mum & Dad regularlyly at 7yrs old, I wonder why their marriage is strained!?!

FluffyMummy123 Tue 20-Feb-07 21:15:44

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