To not be able to cope with this?

(128 Posts)
saveusernamee Sat 23-Oct-21 21:31:18

Newborn baby that just cries, all the time, I mean literally from the minute it opens it’s eyes from a nap/sleep to the second it goes back. It sleeps great to be fair but I am definitely struggling to bond, so is DH, we just can’t face looking after a tiny ball of rage anymore.

Toddler that screams and throws anything/everything. Climbs everything. Tries to hurt newborn every second of the day.

Tonight toddler cried from getting out of the bath to going to sleep so just shy of an hour (been whining since about 3) and baby cried from 6:30 - just now as I write this. Nothing would console either of them. What the fuck are we meant to do? Just live with this chorus of tears? It’s absolute hell.

In the end I just ended up crying the whole time the baby did and saying I can’t do this anymore, not that that means anything.. there’s nowhere to go, this is our life now. DH is on antidepressants and waiting CBT. I called the GP but didn’t see the point so didn’t go to my appointment. Everyone tells us it’s normal and not to wish the time away…. are they even serious? Have they not seen how bad life is?

OP’s posts: |
DeepaBeesKit Sat 23-Oct-21 21:33:07

Oh OP you are probably at the absolute worst bit. All I can really say is it does get better.
flowers

DeepaBeesKit Sat 23-Oct-21 21:34:24

Ps is toddler talking yet? That was the real game changer for both mine - they needed to be able to articulate what they wanted or what was wrong

ArtemisFlop Sat 23-Oct-21 21:34:40

Didn't want to read and run. No great advice but remember DC1 crying for what seems like for ever and it made me feel rotten. If you can get anyone to pop in and help you both with ten minutes breaks do. It sounds trite but it might also be easier to deal with if you wear earplugs. Not to ignore baby, still look after then but so as to muffle the sound slightly as I think we al have a bit of a physical reaction to the sound of infant distress.
Huge hugs to you!daffodil

TrickOrTreat21x Sat 23-Oct-21 21:35:04

@saveusernamee sending you the biggest hug in the world. I can relate to this so much to when my first DC was born. It was fucking hell to the point I didn't want to go to bed as it meant a screaming baby for the next 8 hours.
It does get better, it really really does.
Assuming there's no colic etc Have you tried music and just gently dancing around with the baby? Can even get toddler involved. Distraction from the crying is the only thing that kept me sane and eventually my DC stopped crying and started looking around paying attention. Only real advice I have wish I could send you a hug and a bottle of wine right now! X

Sapphire387 Sat 23-Oct-21 21:35:15

Oh shit, that sounds really hard. It is incredibly tough with a newborn and a toddler. Is it possible your newborn has colic, to be crying the whole time?

Have you got any family who can support?

simitra Sat 23-Oct-21 21:36:01

If baby has been fed, changed and does not NEED anything place in another room, close door, insert ear plugs and put on loud music.

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GreenLunchBox Sat 23-Oct-21 21:37:06

Hi, OP, that sounds hellish. Sounds like the baby might have colic or something as that is not normal. Please re-book your GP appt.

Are you breastfeeding? Have you tried a dummy?

DeepaBeesKit Sat 23-Oct-21 21:37:23

Also one of mine basically just needed to be in a sling with a boob in mouth for the first 6-8 weeks. Once I just gave in to that it got better and that baby rapidly became the BEST sleeper

RedHelenB Sat 23-Oct-21 21:37:25

You crying too is going to make it worse make sure you get plenty of rest when the babies sleep.

Thatsplentyjack Sat 23-Oct-21 21:41:16

simitra

If baby has been fed, changed and does not NEED anything place in another room, close door, insert ear plugs and put on loud music.

Yeah, absolutely don't do this!
Babies don't scream from the minute they wake till they go to sleep for no reason, something must be bothering it. Colic, reflux, lactose intolerance. Have you tried anything, or are there certain times/things that happen that make it worse?

How old is the toddler?

SnackSizeRaisin Sat 23-Oct-21 21:42:18

Aargh sounds really hard. It's not much fun having 2 of them. Mine often seem to be crying at the same time. But that amount of crying doesn't sound normal... Is there anything wrong with the baby as that doesn't sound normal. E.g. reflux causing discomfort. Breastfeeding latch problem etc. Definitely worth consulting the GP and or health visitor. Could also try a cranial osteopath? Bit woo but some people think it works.
Also putting baby in a sling, using a dummy... Sorry you've probably tried those already!
Is anything wrong with the toddler such as teething or a cold? Or maybe they need some positive attention? Just 10 mins 1 to 1 attention makes a huge difference to behaviour here. Also avoid sugar and screens and make sure they get plenty of sleep.
Other than that have a large gin and remember it won't last forever (although unfortunately it probably will last a couple of months at least...)

Theunamedcat Sat 23-Oct-21 21:44:54

Sympathies it sounds shite

Practical suggestions, have you tried a communication board with the toddler pictures of what they usually want they can point to? Or shove the toddler infront of the TV with some cheetos if you have really had enough honestly you won't be the first nor the last

Baby, is it really constantly crying or is there a pattern? Before during after feeding? Nappy rash did they do this from the start or perhaps they are picking up on your (understandable) stress? Have you tried white noise? I can recommend the 18 hour hairdryer on YouTube and there is a weird Indian shhhh guy on there too he is literally an Indian man saying shhh and it worked! (white men can't shhh right maybe?) Who cares it worked

Have you had the baby looked at? Have you thought of acid reflux all of mine had it fucking nightmare solved by gaviscon I was happier when we solved it and I could enjoy my baby

I'm sure other people will have suggestions

Self care is a big one take time out for yourself if you can you won't be any good if your burnt out

Justnot Sat 23-Oct-21 21:50:29

My baby cried from 6 - 10pm every night with colic, she wanted to feed and that made it worse so dummy really helped that. Also one day she stopped crying when we put the Hoover on - we have pictures of her in her push chair with hoover on beside her fast sleep! So white noise but I always thought there was an extra oomph with extractor fan, Hoover, hairdryer than a white noise file - but that might just be wishful thinking. I used to sway with her in the sling for hours.

Only had one though, good luck.

saveusernamee Sat 23-Oct-21 21:55:38

as I think we al have a bit of a physical reaction to the sound of infant distress.

Yes! It makes me sweat it’s piercing.

Been to GP a few times about the baby and spoken to 2 HVs and even told the midwife at the discharge appt. GP said either cmpa or reflux but probably cmpa so we tried pepti but no change so went back and asked for gaviscon for reflux. Didn’t change. I was EBFing and now on formula because the baby was on me from 4pm - 11pm getting frantic by the end if I dared to unlatch to have a pee. Latch was checked. No TT. Feeds great at the breast hear him chugging and swallowing away. Bought a stretchy sling and structured, hates both. Bouncy chair and a swaying chair, hates both. Also hates dummies we’ve tried mam, TT, unbranded. Tried coleif, infacol, bioGaia, gripe water, bicycle legs, baby massage, dentinox. Definitely not cmpa because we tried kendamil for a day and it made no difference to symptoms.

Yes toddler is teething and has a cough/cold. I’m struggling with spending less time playing/interacting hence the end of BFing I partly want my body back and I partly want to be able to offload the baby onto DH/family and spent time with toddler.

OP’s posts: |
Mooda Sat 23-Oct-21 21:57:18

I don't think the newborn crying like that is normal or something you just have to put up with. Could be reflux/colic or something else that's causing them pain. IME newborns cry because they're hungry, tired or uncomfortable (wet nappy, cold, in pain). They don't just cry and cry for no reason when all those needs are met. Speak to your GP /HV and get some help.

Mustardbay Sat 23-Oct-21 21:59:19

With allergies you'll need to try a bit longer to get it out their system.

Mooda Sat 23-Oct-21 22:00:31

Sorry crossed post. I would still go back to GP and ask them to investigate further.

AlbertBridge Sat 23-Oct-21 22:01:19

It's not normal. It's not. There's something wrong.

Have you tried a dummy?

MarleneDietrichsSmile Sat 23-Oct-21 22:01:28

My first baby was like this. I had to learn to unlatch him after 30 minutes, burp him well, and then not feed for 4 hrs

The constant feeding I did before meant his stomach never emptied before the next feed, and it was just not good for him…or me, to feed endlessly

It was also better for me, physically and mentally to limit the feeds

Can you get advice from a Paediatrician or HV or doctor?

saveusernamee Sat 23-Oct-21 22:02:40

Baby, is it really constantly crying or is there a pattern?
It really is a battle whenever they’re awake. We’ve had two occasions where he’s just sat and, well just existed, looking around and at us since bringing him home.

Before during after feeding?
Before and after, feeds ok.

Nappy rash did they do this from the start or perhaps they are picking up on your (understandable) stress?
Had nappy rash start few days ago and it’s almost gone. He cried before that. Yes definitely picking up on our stress, HR was 92bpm tonight which is obviously not ideal for soothing a baby. But he did actually come out screaming, the doctors commented on it and how unusual it was after emcs. After he got over being drowsy after birth he’s been crying whilst awake. He even cried whilst he peed the other day, then stopped for a bit, and started again. I don’t know if he can’t cope with any sensation? Is that a thing?

Have you tried white noise? Yes that’s great to get him to sleep, long live Spotify.

I can recommend the 18 hour hairdryer on YouTube and there is a weird Indian shhhh guy on there too he is literally an Indian man saying shhh and it worked! (white men can't shhh right maybe?)
😂😂 I will look for it thanks.

OP’s posts: |
AlbertBridge Sat 23-Oct-21 22:03:43

Sorry, cross post.

Have you tried the cherry dummies? The ones Ruth the big fat round r DH's, not the thin ones?

A friend had a non-stop crying baby and cranial osteopathy really helped.

I can't believe how hard this must be for both of you.

saveusernamee Sat 23-Oct-21 22:03:51

I mean during feeds ok*

OP’s posts: |
Theunamedcat Sat 23-Oct-21 22:05:03

It really takes longer than a day to sort it if its allergy related ds1 severe reflux symptoms took ages to reduce he is 12 and he still has acid reflux

Ds 2 lactose intolerant and reflux took almost a month to settle down we STILL ended up weaning early (paediatrics advice and supervision not a mummy knows best whim)

Its hard but you need to persevere more than one day before giving up

MiloAndEddie Sat 23-Oct-21 22:05:23

How old are the baby and toddler?

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