To not be able to cope with this?

[saveusernamee]

Newborn baby that just cries, all the time, I mean literally from the minute it opens it’s eyes from a nap/sleep to the second it goes back. It sleeps great to be fair but I am definitely struggling to bond, so is DH, we just can’t face looking after a tiny ball of rage anymore.

Toddler that screams and throws anything/everything. Climbs everything. Tries to hurt newborn every second of the day.

Tonight toddler cried from getting out of the bath to going to sleep so just shy of an hour (been whining since about 3) and baby cried from 6:30 - just now as I write this. Nothing would console either of them. What the fuck are we meant to do? Just live with this chorus of tears? It’s absolute hell.

In the end I just ended up crying the whole time the baby did and saying I can’t do this anymore, not that that means anything.. there’s nowhere to go, this is our life now. DH is on antidepressants and waiting CBT. I called the GP but didn’t see the point so didn’t go to my appointment. Everyone tells us it’s normal and not to wish the time away…. are they even serious? Have they not seen how bad life is?

[Rowen32]

Could he be in physical pain? From his position in the womb? And that's why his legs are like that. He might be crying because he's so uncomfortable?

[Bonheurdupasse]

@simitra

If baby has been fed, changed and does not NEED anything place in another room, close door, insert ear plugs and put on loud music.

This OP.

[Letsbekindplease]

If it helps im in this stage and it is fucking hell at times.
just powering through best I can. You’re doing a great job. It will get better
not sure if you’ve tried this but this helped my colocy baby infacol, leg exercises , and made bottles from a boiling kettle rather than the prefect prep machine. Also using a better milk. (Kendamil). Baby still has a cry at bed time sometimes for a good hour. Tonight she didn’t fall asleep till half 10. I’m exhausted. This heat doesn’t bloody help

Hang in there.

[mycatisannoying]

It's fucking shit. Brutal. At least in prison you'd get a break! But it does get better

[anon5678]

Hey OP, it's been some months now, how are things? Are you all ok? Sending my love

[namechangecovidquery]

@simitra @Bonheurdupasse That is terrible advice! Loud music and earplugs- totally unnecessary. OP also has a toddler and that is unacceptable behaviour to model.

OP I agree with other PP to push for another check up on their legs. Something may show up now and if not it’s peace of mind for you and one thing to check of the list.

Also as I said previously spend as much time outdoors as possible. If you are feeling low staying in and avoiding the world only makes it harder to eventually get back out in it. It’s also good exercise for your toddler and the fresh air will do you all the world of good.

It would also be worth exploring AD. I know it seems like a long time for them to quick in buy that time will pass anyway and in a few weeks time you could feel a lot more able to cope.

[Bonheurdupasse]

@simitra

If baby has been fed, changed and does not NEED anything place in another room, close door, insert ear plugs and put on loud music.

OP

This.

Get earplugs.

[PheasantsNest]

My DC2 was like this. We tried cranial osteopathy in the end and it worked. We tried infacol, dentinox colic drops, colief, soya milk, sleeping propped up, putting them in a sling. This went on for six months.

[Mymycherrypie]

My first and third were the same, very high needs baby, you could not get one moments peace. Legs tucked up like that for the first one for the first 8 weeks I think, he was a tiny little thing and born early quite traumatically so I felt like he wasn’t ready for anything and that made him hyper sensitive. Once we got to 3 months he changed to an entirely different baby and was a joy.

My third is just high needs all round and she’s 4 now and still a drama queen.

Looking back i don’t know how we got through those first 3 months.

Hold in there OP, get to the doctor for yourself x

[Branleuse]

Does calpol help? Maybe somethings hurting him

[Worried74]

With my second she cried constantly after birth and we kept being told it's colic and to wait for the miraculous 12 week stage when all this would be a distant memory. She was so unhappy, always sick, hated baths etc. At 7 weeks I noticed she was only really looking to one side, a visit to the cranial osteopath diagnosed a neck injury due to CS birth. On the way home I spotted lactose free formula in the supermarket and went with my instinct and changed her formula, from that day onwards she was a different child, happy and content. It only took 2 osteopath visit at £30 each to put the injury right. There is so little support out there from medical professionals, I hope things get better soon.

[steppemum]

I have absolutely no doubt that if he just stopped crying our moods would improve enormously. We could then leave the house to exercise and get some fresh air.

this really struck me.
Put him in the pram and go out for the walk/fresh air.
If he is crying on your lap ondoors, or crying in a sling/pram there is no difference. EXCEPT that you will feel 100 times better for the walk and fresh air, you will wear out some toddler energy and the movement of the pram may just sooth and settle baby.

And crying never seems as bad outside, as the sound is spread out more

[QuestionableMouse]

Don't worry about him crying outside. Put him his pram and just go for a walk. It's a lot easier to cope outside and the fresh air will do you all good.

I'd also press for his legs to be checked again, maybe with x-rays or a scan. Something isn't right there.

Off the top of my head, I can't remember the age range for calpol but it might be worth checking to see if he can have some. If the crying gets better with pain relief, then you have an avenue to explore.

[Mummyford]

I'm sorry @saveusernamee, that sounds so hard. I don't have experience with the constantly screaming baby, but I do want to say that I think even under easier circumstances, it's pretty normal for it to take longer to feel the same bond with a second baby.

With the first, you're so wrapped up in the pregnancy and experience, it's almost like you know the baby by osmosis by the time they're born. I remember being taken by surprise at how much DC2 was a totally different person than DC1 from the first day (and again with DC3). I remember just kind of faking the feeling at first and then by 3 months, it was fully there.

Also, please don't underestimate the physical and emotional toll of an emergency c-section.

I hope both you and the baby find some relief soon.

[EmotionalSupportBear]

i haven't got any more advice, but i did just want to pop on today to send some internet love and support. You've got this, it WILL get better, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

If you can, leave baby with your H today and take toddler for a walk, (or just yourself) get some fresh air, watch some leaves fall.. go bug hunting, anything, just give yourself a little break.

[Thatsplentyjack]

Mine wasn't quite as bad as this but enough to make me need to do something. My 2 babies before were the same and I used colief for months, but it oy helped slightly. With the third I had a revelation when I discovered you can actually buy lactose free milk over the counter (I don't know how long that has been available). Colief doesn't breakdown all the lactose. I spoke to the health visitor and the doctor about it (they were convinced it was reflux and had her on some pretty strong medication that didn't make a blind bit of difference and didn't want to give me lactose free milk). I found it in the shops a few days later and switched her over and she was like a different baby. Maybe worth a shot if you've tried everything else.

[sleepingrabbits]

Integra carriers are good, not stretchy and not the mega bulky structured, but both Dc only liked it walking so either laps of the house/ garden or out of the house. I did a lot of walking around looking at things, pictures, out the window ( even though they can't see much) but just chatting. We have a dog so did walk a lot.

Dare I say it ( as there's another post on it) but they also liked the car seat on the pram base as hated lying flat.

It is hard with a second one, but I promise you will get through it and it blurs into the past. No harm in finding something the toddler will watch like cocomelon on iplayer or YouTube, both mine loved watching nursery rhymes then short episode things. What's your toddler like to play with?

My DS liked Ricky zoom ( a motorbike cartoon), fireman Sam, paw patrol, DD likes paw patrol too and something on milkshake on 5 in the mornings with animals, think it's called Pip, but hey duggee and sometimes Peppa or that annoying rabbit bing.

[saveusernamee]

Oh that’s reassuring Newmum thanks for sharing.

Yes he doesn’t like stretchy wrap or structured carrier unfortunately, hates being confined. I reached out to baby wearing U.K. to check position for hips and all ok there for both carriers. Toddler doesn’t really sit still for tv, he’s a whirlwind.

[sleepingrabbits]

Have you tried a baby carrier walking about ( exhausting I know) My theory has always been crying = hungry, even if just fed, but maybe it's colic crying ? Not that's there's anything you can do.

For Toddler I suggest little games like orchard first games or simple things like snap/ pair with a few cards ( not whole pack) whilst you sit on the sofa feeding and then copious amounts of hey dugee, Paw patrol, Paddington bear 🙂

www.orchardtoys.com/dept/first-games-age-18-months_d0117.htm

[Theunamedcat]

Having the legs tucked up all the time will be bad for digestion won't it?

[Newmum29]

If you have PND, I really would consider AD. Didn’t take a month for me, I noticed a huge difference by day 10.

[saveusernamee]

Thank you.
Since we’re on formula full time now I don’t see a problem changing it. I’ll speak to the go again this week.

[Sceptre86]

You don't sound in a great place mentally so make an appointment with the Gp and go. Ask family, friends, get a babysitter to stay with the kids so you can have your appointment in peace. Reach out to the hv as you aren't happy and are struggling to bond with baby.
Lower your expectations right down. Get the shopping ordered in for now. If baby doesn't have a dummy, start introducing one. Do things with the baby and toddler together, so tummy time with baby, toddler plays on playmat. Try to coordinate their nap times so that you can sleep too, don't use that time to cook or clean. When your partner is home take some time to either batch cook meals at the weekend, or if you can afford something like Gusto go for it, if not reach out to family for some spare meals.

It was never going to be easy having two kids so close on age (been there, done that). Ultimately you need to get to the bottom of the excessive crying and be forceful in demanding help. It will get easier but for now be kind to yourself x

[saveusernamee]

Legs are like this little guy, this isnt him obviously since it’s from 2015 but like she describes: hard to change nappy because it’s difficult to unstretch them.

community.babycenter.com/post/a57028585/5_mos_old_still_keeps_his_legs_curled_up_-_normal

[Daisychainsandglitter]

I just wanted to add that my DD1 is 7 now and it's all very much a distant memory. It really affected my bonding with her but there will be an end to this and it will get better I promise.