To not be able to cope with this?

[saveusernamee]

Newborn baby that just cries, all the time, I mean literally from the minute it opens it’s eyes from a nap/sleep to the second it goes back. It sleeps great to be fair but I am definitely struggling to bond, so is DH, we just can’t face looking after a tiny ball of rage anymore.

Toddler that screams and throws anything/everything. Climbs everything. Tries to hurt newborn every second of the day.

Tonight toddler cried from getting out of the bath to going to sleep so just shy of an hour (been whining since about 3) and baby cried from 6:30 - just now as I write this. Nothing would console either of them. What the fuck are we meant to do? Just live with this chorus of tears? It’s absolute hell.

In the end I just ended up crying the whole time the baby did and saying I can’t do this anymore, not that that means anything.. there’s nowhere to go, this is our life now. DH is on antidepressants and waiting CBT. I called the GP but didn’t see the point so didn’t go to my appointment. Everyone tells us it’s normal and not to wish the time away…. are they even serious? Have they not seen how bad life is?

[MindyStClaire]

Oh it's so hard OP. For us it was silent reflux, whatever the cause, it's hell. I had a difficult first baby and ridiculously easy second baby, I often think if I'd had them the other way round it would've broken me.

Keep talking to the GP for both you and the baby until things improve.

The "savour this time", "enjoy the snuggles", "it goes too quickly" crowd can do one. You're far from alone in not feeling that way at all.

[HailAdrian]

It's not normal to refer to your child as 'it,' I'd seek help for your mental health as well as your baby tbh.

[bellamountain]

My eldest used to scream non stop as a baby and he's still very highly strung now at 6! Absolutely wouldn't change him for the world but I think they used to call it purple crying or witching hour (although it went on for longer than an hour). It is so so hard but this time WILL pass. The electronic rocking swing really helped as did going out in the car....!

[ThePoint678]

It’s so hard OP, and your post brings it all back for me including the defiant toddler.

It sounds like you’ve tried many things. Keep trying. Chiropractic treatment may help.

Change both, feed both, dressed and walk in any and all weather. Strap in the toddler or let him walk with a backpack with a lead on it (I know some people hate those and I did too but it was the only thing that kept my toddler safe). Walk and walk. Accept the rain, stomp in the puddles, come home cold and wet if that’s what the weather is doing. I saw a lady the other day walking her screaming newborn and she had her headphones in. She smiled and stopped and said it was the only quiet time she got after her 4th baby and she knew baby was clean and safe so she kept walking. Try that.

Split the day up into sections - 7-8:30 eating and dressed, 8:30-10:30 walk, 10:30-12:30 naps etc whatever works but give some structure to your day.

Then line up some child care - you can’t continue like this. A nanny three hours a week, or more if you can afford it. Nursery. A relative. Anything. Just get a break.

And these aren’t the best days - just survive. Get through the days anyway you can. They will grow up and it will get better but you can’t see that right now and that’s totally normal.

[Moutainwoman]

So sorry you are going through this. My first baby turns out had colic but as a first time parent assumed that 'babies cry!' Tried coilef with varied results but a game changer was actual lactose free formula prescribed by dr.

I remember an older lady grabbing by hand after a particularly distressing screaming session in public and telling me ' hang in there, it gets better' and thinking no! You're wrong this is it forever! I was so despairing! This little baby is now 20 years old the absolute light of my life, and a wonderful human being.

So.. Please hang in there! I PROMISE it will not be like this forever. Those years have gone by in the blink of an eye xxx

[Heruka]

I agree that your baby sounds in pain and it sounds like the strain is significantly interrupting your attachment to your baby. I think talking really honestly with GP/HV about feeling lacking in warmth towards baby and needing some support. I hope they listen

[aloris]

Ok, I had a baby like this. The doctor didn't believe me until I took video of it, but he would even cry in his sleep (so I didn't even have that break of "oh when he goes to sleep my ears will stop ringing"). I would agree with the people who suggested you may need to try a cow's milk-free formula for a little while before you decide it's not cows milk protein allergy. Reflux is another common one. I had a different baby who had reflux and he took ranitidine which made a big difference, but that was years ago. (His symptoms were that he was happy when nursing, would fall asleep, then as soon as I would lay him down he would wake up and cry within a couple of minutes. He had to be sleeping upright or nursing, until he started ranitidine. When he was nursing he was a very happy baby though.) I don't know what is the recommended treatment now.

Although colic is very common, it bothers me that your baby has had NO times since birth when he is comfortable. Even with my most colicky baby (and he really did cry 24/7 for a couple months), we got the first two weeks "free" if you know what I mean. I would maybe prod the doctors some more to figure out if there is something else going on. There are lots of rare conditions out there and you never know if one of those is your baby. He's brand new, so you don't know him yet.

[Staryflight445]

Just to say we’ve been where you are and it is really stressful but it does pass.
Dummy wise have you tried an avent soothie? You can buy them on Amazon and as they’re an all in one there’s a hole you can pop your finger in, it really helps them latch it.

Worth a shot? The only dummy’s I ever got my daughter to take.

[TomDaleysCardigan]

Haven't read full thread but you can self refer to home start for some support. Lovely non judgy people who can come and be your support network a couple of hours a week.

[RiojaRose]

Yet more advice to see your GP, for you as much as for the baby. You sound like you’re having a really tough time. I hope things get better for you soon

[RestingStitchFace]

Oh Love - it's the shittest but but it does get better.

Wearing earplugs to tame the worst of the screams is good advice.

Also don't be a hero. If people offer help, any help, just take it. Someone to push a screaming baby around the park for 40 mins may be the thin thread that helps you keep your sanity.

Sending you hugs xx

[namechangecovidquery]

Oh OP it sounds like you are having a really hard time at the moment. I am going to echo PP and say at 1 month old you have tried a few things to see if they offer your LO any relief. I think (and I say this as I was the same) you are so desperate to find the thing that works you are trying everything and anything but not giving any enough time to work. What I would do is pick one, say infacol and try it consistently for a week or two and if that’s not helping then give gripe water a try. Unfortunately none of this will miraculously help overnight.

The first few months are the hardest. Take help when offered and don’t be afraid to ask for it when it’s needed. Also a long daily walk with the pram will do wonders for you all even in the rain.

Please don’t refer to your precious baby as ‘it’. I know you are struggling but going down that route of thinking it/typing it is harmful. They’re one month old, and in distress and they need you.

[Fountainsoftea]

I'm ten years on from this, but this post (and the fizz I've drunk) has made me quite tearful remembering how I wished away my 2nd mat leave. It was HARD. Dd was HARD. she was hard for years and I really struggled. I suspect she was lactose intolerant- she still gets 'shiners' now and likes to be in control, which makes her anxious.

She has a wicked sense of humour and is intensely loyal and we joke about how she nearly broke me as a baby. But between her and a non sleeping 2 year old, she very nearly did.

By

[mathanxiety]

Try a goat's milk formula.

I agree you need to wait out the CMP fast for two weeks before ruling it out.

[Oojanickabollokoff]

I was like this when my two were little too! My eldest had colic (which cranial osteopathy did absolutely nothing for btw) and was constantly crying for MONTHS, then two years later came his brother who was also pretty active, and I was home with the two of them for nearly a year before gratefully going back to part time work.

All those glowing reports of how wonderful being at home with two kids was obviously didn't apply to me - I had virtually no sleep, so was too tired to string a sentence together for ages, let alone go to very many baby groups/make friends/do any of those things that make life at home with young kids worth living.

I found that incrementally it just got better, until one day without noticing it I found that I was coping.

Still the hardest time I've ever had in my life - I do think it's luck of the draw, and you'll find some Mums absolutely don't understand because they haven't been through it (lots of good advice which I'd obviously never thought of), but there are plenty of Mums struggling too.

Mine are both teenagers now, and have their issues like all teens, but are WAY easier to cope with, generally quite adorable and I love them to bits and have a good relationship with them. It will get better.

[Ilovechristmasasmuchasiloveyou]

My little girl was 13mths when our baby came along. It was very hard. It wasnt planned and we were so sleep deprived but its got so much easier and the best thing we've ever done. They are now 5 & 6!
You and your husband need a proper routine where you can successfully co parent. One sleeps the other sees to baby and toddler etc. You can't do it all single handly.

Hang in there mamma. If you need to talk to someone PM me. X

[Ilovechristmasasmuchasiloveyou]

P s my youngest was a screamer. Turned out to be reflux.

[seat7a]

Urine infection? My baby had a couple when he was very little, only discovered by chance as there was nothing obvious pointing in that direction. Urine sample was taken and low and behold an infection, character completely changed once he was on antibiotics.

Also maybe ear infection? No experience of it but it's another thing that would be causing a lot of pain and discomfort without you being able to check and rule it out yourself.

Really, really feel for you. Wish there was a magic wand xxx

[Blueroses99]

Don’t think 2 weeks is long enough to check for allergies, we only saw changes after 3 weeks. Also don’t switch to soya or goats milk - many people with CMPA have allergies to these as well because the proteins are so similar.

[QuestionableMouse]

How long did you try the other milk for? It can take a couple of weeks or longer for everything to settle and the dairy free milks aren't all equal. We had neocate which was brilliant.

I'd be pushing for another look at CMPA and a milk prescription.

[VaizyCrazyDaizy]

How’s things going - all a bit calmer? Do you have a health visitor you can ring for advice and a chat?

[ItWasTheBestOfTimes]

DD2 was like this for the first few weeks and it nearly broke me, you are not alone in finding it tough, anybody would! It's worth trying a TT cherry soother with the latex teet if you haven't already, it's the only dummy either of mine have accepted as newborns. I also stopped EBF and started mix feeding with EBM and anti-reflux milk as she used to projectile vomit after each feed. The anti-reflux milk made a huge difference .

[DjangoReinhart]

baby sounds like colic pain. I tried this on my friends baby who was in your position when her dp was working nights

baby had massive fart and poonami, stopped crying and was much calmer.

toddler: ask him if he would like to be in charge of choosing a book for you to read together / be in charge of choosing a film or activity so he is not focused on the newborn's crib and important that he chooses because i think he is feeling your natural stress around newborn.

[arcof]

Do you have one of those big exercise ball things? Try bouncing on it with baby in arms, this worked wonders for our refluxy baby

I think this all
Sounds like reflux with the baby. Please Try longer than 1 day with the hypoallergenic formula, it made a world of difference for us

Ours turned a corner af 4 months but only due to the right medication and formula

Hold upright after feeding, and for sleeping where possible.

Sending hugs and hope that it will get better

[Daisychainsandglitter]

Both my DDs had CMPA as babies. DD1 was particularly bad. All she did was scream. My in laws would come and sit with us every night we would be so exhausted by her constant screaming. Plus constant sickness and diarrhoea from her milk.
We tried Pepti, Neutramigen etc to no avail.
Eventually the children's hospital put her onto Neocate which is an amino acid formula. This isn't commonly prescribed (due to cost IMO) but within a week I had a different baby.
It may be that your baby needs a more broken down formula than the usual standard CMPA formulas.
It also can take up to two weeks for milk to leave your baby's system so you should try and persevere with a new formula for a bit to give the old milk a chance to leave the system.
to you as I know how difficult it is.