To think it’s ok to snoop?

(140 Posts)
Changingtheday Sun 09-May-21 15:01:45

I read DH’s phone last night. I know that is a huge no-no on here (and I’ve name changed in anticipation of the flaming), but other than some tasteless conversations with his friends which were teetering on misogyny, I am so reassured by by what I saw. I don’t regret looking and he doesn’t know, so win-win blush AIBU?

OP’s posts: |
KilljoysDutch Sun 09-May-21 15:05:26

I think it's completely reasonable to expect privacy in a relationship. I couldn't be with someone who felt entitled to know all my private thoughts. It's disrespectful.

Aquamarine1029 Sun 09-May-21 15:07:06

Why did you feel the need to snoop? Implies to me that you don't trust him.

CatherinedeBourgh Sun 09-May-21 15:07:45

Unless he has explicitly told you he is ok with you reading through his phone, it is a massive breach of trust.

Changingtheday Sun 09-May-21 15:08:39

He fell asleep early and left his phone next to me. I couldn’t resist. I know it’s not great, but I feel so close to him today. He’s definitely benefited from the snooping blush

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Zealois Sun 09-May-21 15:09:33

I don't think it's okay. I don't have anything to hide relationship-wise, but my private conversations with my friends are just that - private.

Returnoftheowl Sun 09-May-21 15:10:33

That is a massive beach of trust.


Changingtheday Sun 09-May-21 15:10:36

Oh dear, I felt sure some people would think it’s ok. Maybe not blush

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Aquamarine1029 Sun 09-May-21 15:11:33

I couldn’t resist.

Give us a break. Of course you could have, you chose not to. If your husband finds out it may be him who loses trust in you. I would be furious if I were him.

SchrodingersImmigrant Sun 09-May-21 15:12:04


Oh dear, I felt sure some people would think it’s ok. Maybe not blush

Oh come on.
You obviously didn't... 🙄

Boring sunday, innit

ilovesooty Sun 09-May-21 15:12:48

I think it's a breach of trust as well. I couldn't have a relationship with someone who thought idle snooping was OK.

Crowsaregreat Sun 09-May-21 15:13:17

It's not ok.

I mean, maybe you'd feel closer to him if you trailed him all day, but it would still be an invasion of privacy.

Changingtheday Sun 09-May-21 15:13:48

I really did. I cannot believe I’m the only one that would look. Other people obviously have more self-control than me.

OP’s posts: |
MoiraRose4 Sun 09-May-21 15:14:14

Would you be totally ok with it if the situation were reversed and he had snooped through yours?

ilovesooty Sun 09-May-21 15:14:23

Oh, and you name changed. Says it all really. hmm

readingismycardio Sun 09-May-21 15:14:43

I never did it with my now DH. I just don't feel the need.

ZaraW Sun 09-May-21 15:14:55

You would be happy for him to do the same? Thought not. You know it's wrong.

FlibbertyGiblets Sun 09-May-21 15:15:31

What prompted you to look? You must already have suspicions, I guess?
As for feeling closer to him today, am I right to infer that you rewarded his non-affair with sex?

TidyDancer Sun 09-May-21 15:15:44

I think you should be ashamed of yourself OP. And the fact that you aren't speaks volumes.

AIMD Sun 09-May-21 15:15:45

Do I think it’s ok? No
Have I also done similar? Yes

It’s not good but I can understand how tempting it is.

SnarkyBag Sun 09-May-21 15:16:22

If you think he’s benefited from it and it’s ok why don’t you tell him you’ve been looking?

Oysterbabe Sun 09-May-21 15:16:30

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where you feel the need to snoop.

sunnyblackwidow Sun 09-May-21 15:16:39

Haha I would've done the same blush

It's still not ok though.

Changingtheday Sun 09-May-21 15:17:30

I’m always happy for him to look at mine, sometimes he asks why I’m talking about and I show him.

I do wonder how honest these responses are though - hand in heart, in the position there’s nobody at all that would look? I’m pretty sure I’d get a different response from my real life friends - I might test my theory grin

OP’s posts: |
SchrodingersImmigrant Sun 09-May-21 15:18:12


Oh, and you name changed. Says it all really. hmm


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