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AIBU or is Dsis?

(151 Posts)
Gonewireless Sun 24-Jan-21 09:12:56

DF passed recently & his house is empty. I am doing all the probate/IHT paperwork as Dsis says she doesn’t ‘do forms’. Just before the schools were due back in Jan, I sent a text & asked if Ds (Yr11) and I could stay in his house 2 nights a week. I explained that Ds had a meltdown due to lockdown/GCSE uncertainty and particularly the 2 hr journey to school which means he hasn’t much time for HW and he’s exhausted (coped until recently). DF’s house is exactly half way and would half his journey. Hotels not an option as closed.. She didn’t respond. Asked again, still no response.

Ds would need internet for HW if we stayed and Dh said just put it in as takes time to arrange and schools would be back after Xmas. Then lockdown happened but the broadband had been ordered and went live last week. I put the box in and sent Dsis a text with the password so she can use it when she’s there, also for her mobile with wifi calling as no mobile signal. I said that obviously I was paying for the connection myself. She sent a text back and was really annoyed and said I had wasted my money and she doesn’t want Ds and I staying there.

Is she BU or am I?

OP’s posts: |
Gonewireless Sun 24-Jan-21 09:14:02

Should add, it's an intestacy and Dsis and I are sole beneficiaries.

OP’s posts: |
TeenPlusTwenties Sun 24-Jan-21 09:16:54

I would that thought that unless DSis is inheriting the house it makes sense to have someone stay there regularly as you can keep it warm, be aware of leaks etc.

I don't quite understand the 2hr journey to school bit though?

Is she worried you'll slow up on probate / sorting estate as you will find having access to the house too convenient? Especially if your DS will be at same school for 6th form?

TeenPlusTwenties Sun 24-Jan-21 09:18:02

When it comes to inheritances, logic often goes out of the window as emotions take over.

FitzsimmonsMarvel Sun 24-Jan-21 09:19:49

I think you need to sell the house ASAP as you are in a completely odd situation with your sister. My DH had the family home left to him and his d sis. It wasn’t sold on for two years and in that time they both had a key and both went and stayed there whenever they wanted. His dsis had friends down and everything for different weekends for a party and didn’t even ask us and we wouldn’t expect to be asked as it’s equally her house as it was my DH. So I would go stay there whenever suits you and make plans to sell or Dsis has to buy you out. My DH also did all of the sorting out of probate etc as he was the eldest and just fell into that role (ironically as his d sis is a lawyer!!)

SimplyRadishing Sun 24-Jan-21 09:19:52

She's a dick.

How is your relationship normally?

HappyFlamingo Sun 24-Jan-21 09:20:59

Isn't DS's school closed? So the shorter journey time isn't an issue now?

HappyFlamingo Sun 24-Jan-21 09:21:26

I agree your sister is being unreasonable though.

purpleme12 Sun 24-Jan-21 09:22:04

I don't really understand why you need to ask her?
Just go and stay there if you want

RandomMess Sun 24-Jan-21 09:23:48

From an insurance point of you if it's left empty all the time you need to change the policy. Cheaper and better for someone to be staying there regularly.

Not sure why your sister is being a dick?

hopeishere Sun 24-Jan-21 09:24:16

Does she want / need the money ASAP? She might think this is going to slow it all down and that you're staking a claim. Who will pay his heat / light etc?

BIL lives in FILs house as he is in a care home. When he does pass away getting bil shifted is going to be a major issue. And I can see parallels here.

However she should have responded to your initial text about it all.

passthemustard Sun 24-Jan-21 09:25:29

Why does she get the final say? But also is it worth falling out over? My DSis and I fell out when our dad passed away 5 years ago, we haven't spoken since. I'm perfectly happy with that as she's a raging nut job but you may wish to continue a relationship with your sister.

tiredybear Sun 24-Jan-21 09:26:08

You are joint beneficiaries. Your request is perfectly reasonable and doesn't negatively impact on her at all. In fact, she is benefiting as there is now internet that she can use for free.

Ask her why she doesn't want you staying there.

Gonewireless Sun 24-Jan-21 09:50:24

I got all the figures for the probate ages ago, including estate agent valuations. EAs eager to get house on the market as buyer might have been able to purchase before stamp duty ends. She wouldn't say which of the 2 agents to put the house on with. Again, asked twice. No answer. As for probate, she said 'no hurry with that'. Fast forward a month, and in the same text saying that we can't stay there, she said 'I think we just need to get it on the market ASAP'. So, I said that's fine, just tell me which agent you'd like to go with. No reply.

Insurance says to visit house 3 x pw. They hadn't been since before Xmas. I found out they visited the day after I told her about the broadband being put in! That day, her Dh (who had not shown any interest in this) starts texting and emailing telling me to get the IHT forms completed asap! I told him I had started them, which I had, and that I would send him everything at the weekend. I work FT & last week was super busy at work and I explained that I was working long hours. He kept badgering. Every day last week, texts and emails.

Neither of them work. They're extremely well off so they don't need to.

I asked if I could buy her out of the house a while ago, but of course, she wouldn't give me an answer and I knew it would be a 'no' anyway even though I suggested I pay offer more than the highest offer we receive from anyone else and pay the EA fees.

I would of course pay the all the bills at the house if we stayed over which would probably be cheaper as the heat is on for far too many hours now.

I think I'm just pissed off because there was no discussion and today I woke up and thought that Dh and I who both work FT in low paid jobs are doing all the running around. I'm doing all the forms etc saving around £10k in solicitors fees.

OP’s posts: |
Gonewireless Sun 24-Jan-21 09:55:56

It's pretty obvious that I wouldn't be staying there more than 2 nights a week Ias there's no carpet downstairs, just concrete floors and most of the furniture has been dumped. It's not a pleasant environment. It would just be a convenient place to give Ds a bit of a break.

This request was before the lockdown. It isn't an issue now as Ds is at home but it could be after Easter unless hotels open again.

OP’s posts: |
FitzsimmonsMarvel Sun 24-Jan-21 09:57:03

@Gonewireless she just sounds nasty and there is no need for it. Your priority is to get the house sold so you’re not longer tied to her with it’s I would just say to her ‘I’ve agreed to sell the house with X agent’ and then see what she says back (is if she says I don’t want to go with that one then you say ok the other one and set it up with them , if she has no complaints go ahead with X agent).

And I would tell her you and your DS will be staying in the house whenever you are planning to go and just go and stay. If she has a problem with that tell her to sort it out with a lawyer

purpleme12 Sun 24-Jan-21 10:07:23

Insurance saying you have to visit 3 times a week?!
That's really excessive!

Gonewireless Sun 24-Jan-21 10:13:18

Her Dh caused me a huge amount of stress this week with the constant harassment. They clearly thought that I would slow down on the probate side in response to their refusal because that's the sort of childish thing they would do. I responded to one of his messages and said that Dsis wants the house sold asap and could they let me know which agent they prefer and he sent a really rude reply back saying 'well obviously she doesn't want it to be put on the market now, she wants to wait for the grant of probate'. That could be many weeks/months away.

DF always told me that he wanted me to have his house and he was going to leave it to me because a long time ago my sister had persuaded another relative to sign a house over to her and he felt I had been disadvantaged. We didn't talk about this again but in the weeks before he died when he was poorly, he kept saying that he wanted me to have the house. Dsis says she couldn't find a will in his house and maybe he didn't make one. But that's also a reason why I'd like to buy her out as I know he loved his house and wanted me to have it.

OP’s posts: |
NoSquirrels Sun 24-Jan-21 10:15:32

She and her DH sound charming. Just tell her which agent you’re using (as a PP says present it as if you’ve already instructed them, that will probably get her to act if she’s as contrary as she sounds) and get it sold. Poor you, OP. flowers

NoSquirrels Sun 24-Jan-21 10:16:55

Dsis says she couldn't find a will in his house and maybe he didn't make one.

Hmmm. Sounds even worse...

TeenPlusTwenties Sun 24-Jan-21 10:21:38

Have you contacted local solicitors to check they aren't holding a will for him?

Justcallmebebes Sun 24-Jan-21 10:24:46

Have you contacted local solicitors to check they aren't holding a will for him?
^ I was just about to ask the same thing^. Worth a try

Gonewireless Sun 24-Jan-21 10:26:54

I was always really close to my dad and I have to admit that I was his favourite. He didn't trust Dsis and told me that she was stealing from him and he hated her husband.

I've struggled since he died. I'm always tearful and anxious. I work long hours in a very stressful job and it makes me upset and angry that neither of them work but her Dh (she's probably encouraging him) has been so rude and demanding all week when all I asked for was to wait until the weekend. On Friday night, I sent him everything he asked for (still need to finalise some detail on the IHT paperwork) Then it was all smiley faces in the texts from him.

BTW I didn't respond badly to her her text saying we can't stay there. In fact, I sent an apology for putting the broadband in without her approval (even though she didn't respond to my requests about this) and said I would never have done it had I known she'd be upset about it. Unsurprisingly, she didn't respond.

OP’s posts: |
Gonewireless Sun 24-Jan-21 10:30:21

She doesn't want me to contact any local solicitors. She says he could have left everything to an animal charity. He did love animals.

OP’s posts: |
Bulldoglady Sun 24-Jan-21 10:30:33

Gonewireless

DF passed recently & his house is empty. I am doing all the probate/IHT paperwork as Dsis says she doesn’t ‘do forms’. Just before the schools were due back in Jan, I sent a text & asked if Ds (Yr11) and I could stay in his house 2 nights a week. I explained that Ds had a meltdown due to lockdown/GCSE uncertainty and particularly the 2 hr journey to school which means he hasn’t much time for HW and he’s exhausted (coped until recently). DF’s house is exactly half way and would half his journey. Hotels not an option as closed.. She didn’t respond. Asked again, still no response.

Ds would need internet for HW if we stayed and Dh said just put it in as takes time to arrange and schools would be back after Xmas. Then lockdown happened but the broadband had been ordered and went live last week. I put the box in and sent Dsis a text with the password so she can use it when she’s there, also for her mobile with wifi calling as no mobile signal. I said that obviously I was paying for the connection myself. She sent a text back and was really annoyed and said I had wasted my money and she doesn’t want Ds and I staying there.

Is she BU or am I?

I’m confused. Why does your son have a two hour commute to school?

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