AIBU to loathe MIL even more?

(152 Posts)
AaarghMIL Sun 23-Aug-20 20:38:39

MIL and I are no-contact but she lives very close by and DH and DC see her every week and all is well with their relationship (she's just not keen on me and after 20 years I had enough of her rudeness and stopped contacting her - DH is fine about it but won't take sides of course, and I don't bad mouth her to the DC as that's not fair)

Anyway, she apparently set up a WhatsApp group for her and her other family members and added DH and DC (16 and 18) to it, and sent the usual trivial shite. To my knowledge no one had an actual conversation on there. My kids don't use WhatsApp at all really so weren't very engaged.

This evening I've seen an email from her to my 16 yr old (his email account is set up on my phone too, which we all agreed to) - he was obviously tidying his phone and deleted the family WA chat so she emailed to ask why and was very nasty to him, I think. When he replied saying he didn't even realise there was a group chat and he doesn't use WA, she sent another email!

They usually get on well. I can't interfere but have asked DH to gently find out if all is ok; I can do without an unhappy child right now confused

This is what she used to do to me all the time. Blow hot and cold and never in front of anyone else who was listening. Always accusing me of wrecking her family etc etc.

Emails are attached. Thanks for letting me rant anonymously

OP’s posts: |
TeaAndHobnob Sun 23-Aug-20 20:40:49

I would go spare at her speaking to my child like that. How dare she?

Why are you tiptoeing round the mad old bat?

DimidDavilby Sun 23-Aug-20 20:41:59

What a crazy bitch.

RedHelenB Sun 23-Aug-20 20:42:01

Asking DH to find out if all is well is interfering though. At 16 I think you can leave it to your son to sort out surely?

jajabanks Sun 23-Aug-20 20:43:38

Wow she's awful, not surprised you're keeping away, at least your dc are now at an age that they can decide if they want to visit and at least they've seen for themselves. X

Horsemad Sun 23-Aug-20 20:44:59

Hopefully your DS will have the nous to go No Contact, she's crackers! 😆

AaarghMIL Sun 23-Aug-20 20:47:34

@RedHelenB He's a very introverted 16 yr old, and stuff like that gets stored in his head and makes him moody sad and lash out at his family, particularly me (because he knows I'll react). He is currently out with DH overnight so I'd rather it was cleared up before they come home if possible. I also really need DH to know that his mother doesn't just pick on adults!

OP’s posts: |


VelociraptorRex Sun 23-Aug-20 20:47:53

I would go nuclear OP, it's one thing to speak to an adult like that but a teenager? I'd be making sure DC knew I had their backs however they goose to respond, and making sure DH knew how rude she was. I'd also give her a price of my mind in person, but then I'm not known for my delicacy and tact.

VelociraptorRex Sun 23-Aug-20 20:48:38

Choose not goose, stupid phone!

StoneofDestiny Sun 23-Aug-20 20:49:36

She is a nut - your husband needs to step in here and put her straight. No way to talk to anybody, let alone a child and her grandson.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale Sun 23-Aug-20 20:50:31

Does ds know that it is ok not to see her anymore? That you dont have to have a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad?

bronzedgodesswannabe Sun 23-Aug-20 20:51:26

Oh my god

ScarMatty Sun 23-Aug-20 20:52:44

Wow. What a nutter.

I would be having a strong word with DH and making it clear that it is not acceptable.

Jokie Sun 23-Aug-20 20:53:14


Does ds know that it is ok not to see her anymore? That you dont have to have a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad?

^^ this

NewReader Sun 23-Aug-20 20:56:03

You need go show that to DH and have him deal with it by talking to your DS and the MIL. Personally I’d also choose a quiet moment to speak to my child to explain what granny did wasn’t acceptable and he doesn’t have to put up with people being rude to him in that way. Otherwise what ...? A teen is suppose to accept that is normal and go on. He must already know there are issues with MIL and yourself even if you don’t bad mouth her the children will know as you don’t see her (and who knows what she says!). You are his mum dealing with this isn’t “interfering” it’s helping your child.

roxfox Sun 23-Aug-20 20:56:03

Omg!!!! I would be FUMING!!! Sorry no advice on what to do. Goodness. Grandmothers these days are outrageous. What happened to getting gentle in your old age and doting on grandkids?!

IsAnybodyListening Sun 23-Aug-20 20:58:02

Oh wow. I don't think I'll complain about my MIL again. She's VERY oversensitive. And a right twat.

downwardspiral1 Sun 23-Aug-20 20:58:41

Agree with those who say you should let your son know that he doesn’t owe anyone a relationship, especially if they are abusive, which it sounds as if she is.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Sun 23-Aug-20 20:59:55

So passive aggressive, she just makes herself sound like a dick but I hope DH can see it and it doesn't get in your son's head!

SoPanny Sun 23-Aug-20 21:01:07

That’s crackers. You have tell DH and surely he’d give her head a wobble?!

IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 Sun 23-Aug-20 21:01:16

Why is it always here on MN that !you don't have a MIL problem you have a DH problem " You are an adult with youngsters and a situation that is not perfect - go and sort it out yourself and dont expect others to do it for you.

AaarghMIL Sun 23-Aug-20 21:01:37

You're all right. I will talk to DS tomorrow when we're alone in the car. He needs to know I'm on his side 100% and that he can have/have not whatever relationship makes him comfortable with her. Ive thought for a few years that she has elements of narcissistic personality disorder. I've got probably 5 or 6 emails to me that are just like that. I ignore them. But I can't ignore this. Thank you

OP’s posts: |
Anordinarymum Sun 23-Aug-20 21:03:50


Omg!!!! I would be FUMING!!! Sorry no advice on what to do. Goodness. Grandmothers these days are outrageous. What happened to getting gentle in your old age and doting on grandkids?!

I take offence at that remark. I am a grandmother. My role is to support the parents of my grandchildren and I do that to the best of my ability.

Sometimes they behave in a childish way and I am made to look like pig in the middle. I have to be so careful around them as very often I end up getting the blame for their childishness.

I get tired of the game playing. I get tired of being used, and I resent how people on here bitch about Mothers in Law in general. We are not all crazy. We are not a race.

ethelredonagoodday Sun 23-Aug-20 21:04:17

Totally unacceptable. She sounds absolutely crackers.

PicsInRed Sun 23-Aug-20 21:04:55

What she did to your DH, then you, she is now doing to your child.

Your DH needs to finally step up and deal with this.

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