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AIBU?

partner and covid ward closing

358 replies

boomshakalika · 19/07/2020 22:58

My partner is a nurse. He was deployed onto a covid ward in April and he moved out whilst working on it to reduce our risk as i have underlying health poblems..

We rented another flat for 3 months from April (which I paid for). The guy we rented from was really flexible with a rolling weekly lease so we could end the rental with just 1 weeks notice.

It was grim without my partner. I was seconded to a new role at the beginning of March, working with the Scottish Govt on emergency planning so it was full on even before he went. i am classed as a category 2 keyworker, the same as him. He knew how tough my job was with long long days, sometimes from 6am - 11pm. Even before he went, I was burnt out.

We didn't see him for those 3 months. On his days off, he stayed away. He did call once a day and at the start, he video called our kids but he is rubbish on the phone, never mind on WhatsApp. He would sit pretty silent and kinda just expect them to chat to him. The kids didn't really enjoy it and very often he called when I was trying to put them to bed. not great timing. The video calls ended after about 4 weeks as he didn't see the point. Our kids cried alot missing him and wanting him home. He knew this.

I didn't want to put pressure on him as I knew his job was tough and distressing.

I managed all the kids homeschooling myself, downloading, printing and uploading etc. I did ask if he could download all the kids worksheets and email them to me to save time but he could never quite get the hang of the apps so I took over and did it all. He did not do a thing and when I asked if he could try and he said he was too tired and stressed. I was getting by on about 5 hours sleep a night for all of lockdown so also tired and stressed but it had to be done.

I can honestly say it was a pretty awful time for the kids and me. Most days we never got outside and with living in a top floor flat with no garden, it was v hard on the kids.
He knew how hard it was. I told him and cried frequently on the phone missing him and wishing he was back home safe.

It was brilliant when the covid ward closed and I was so relieved he wasn't there, with such high risk exposure but back to his old ward. It also meant he could come home.

I tried to be supportive and understanding that his work was awful. My work has been pretty harrowing as the area I have been working on has dealt with some v v tough stuff and at a really high level. I felt the pressure at alot of the responsibility eg to ensure food supply lines and PPE distribution etc.

I know he saw so terrible things so upon his return, I have still carried the majority of the household tasks etc to give hi a chance to recover. He gets alot of time when not working to chill and read. I am still working crazy hours and still trying to entertain the kids. I am the end of all energy reserves.

He was working today and I rang his usual ward to pass on an urgent message from his family. I spoke with his ward sister whom I have known for a while. I was saying I was so glad that the covid ward was recently shut. She told me that it actually closed over a month ago and that my partner told her he was going to make the most of the peace and solitude to stay on longer. He even took annual leave in that time without telling me so had a couple of weeks of no work. annual leave that is needed to cover childcare when the kids go back to school and forthcoming school holidays ot the end of he year. this was all arranged by us, he now doesnt have enough tot cover. She was laughing that he told them all that he was in no real rush to get back to home schooling and entertaining the kids whilst I worked and loved the chance to read, go for long walks alone and generally chill.

I am livid. He let me cry on the phone, cope with everything here with zero input from him, manage everything when he could have been back sooner. I did not have a single day off in that time, very often working 7 days a week. He choose to lie and pretend he was still on that ward and couldn't come home any earlier. I was paying his rent too!! He pretended on the phone that he was working.

He was meant to be home tonight straight after his shift but let me know earlier (before I rang the ward) that he was going to meet a friend after work to have a few beers in his garden to unwind and catch up. earlier today i didnt mind, again thinking that he needed the time to switch off.

I will admit I am now resentful at this as I have been managing the kids on my own all weekend as well as finish off 2 major urgent work projects. He knows I have a tough week coming up and won't get a chance to unwind and catch up with any of my friends for about another 2 weeks at least.

AIBU to think he has taken the absolute mickey with having an extra month away, half of it on holiday whilst lying to me?

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Iwouldlikesomecake · 19/07/2020 23:04

This is some of the shittest behaviour I have seen during covid and I would fuck him off. You are better off without him. I’m so sorry OP, I was in a stressful long hours role and my mental health is only just recovering. You deserve better than this.