AIBU to be absolutely fuming?

(431 Posts)
sunshinewhereareyou Mon 13-Jul-20 11:13:11

I am MOH for a girl I met through work, we are very close. In return she is my MOH, it felt right and she felt the best person for the job (she says I am her best friend).

Her family are very wealthy and own a house in another country which she and her fiance go to a couple of times a year. Sometimes they go with other couple friends. I have never been invited and her mum has commented on how it's odd as her best friend. They claim they're not close enough to my fiance, my fiance thinks it's unfair as I should still go just with her instead as a girls holiday (however she is not allowed to go on holiday without him - he is controlling).

She was meant to get married recently but obviously it's now next year. I have sent flowers, presents etc. to mark the occasion and whilst their honeymoon was cancelled, the first week of it which was to go to the house in the foreign country is remaining (although no air bridge). I wished her a good week away/"honeymoon". I have only seen through Instagram that they've gone with the bridesmaids and groomsmen, I'm the only one not invited in the bridal party. Most of the bridal party are couples but one is single and one is in a relationship and her boyfriend is invited (despite not being in the 'group').

I feel so offended and hurt. It was definitely kept secretive from me as whenever I mentioned them going away she acted as if it was just them. I don't know what to do, do I confront her when she's back?

OP’s posts: |
Smallsteps88 Mon 13-Jul-20 11:15:32

Yeah I’d have to ask her about it. I couldn’t let that go. How hurtful.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 Mon 13-Jul-20 11:16:50

Do you get on with her fiancé ?

Ughmaybenot Mon 13-Jul-20 11:17:36

Ouch. I’m not surprised you’re hurt, I would be too. I’d have to ask her too, but be prepared for a weak answer/lie.

Ughmaybenot Mon 13-Jul-20 11:18:00

Side note tho, have you ever said to her that you’re not that fond of her DP?

GinDrinker00 Mon 13-Jul-20 11:18:22

I would tell her to stick the MOH were the sun don’t shine. She’s using you OP.

Thehop Mon 13-Jul-20 11:18:44

That’s awful. Really awful.

I would start distancing yourself from her, you are clearly not as close as you thought. You don’t need this. She’s not your friend.


Fedup21 Mon 13-Jul-20 11:20:00

That is odd-I presume they don’t like your fiancée?

ThreeFish Mon 13-Jul-20 11:21:37

I'm not surprised you are hurt, that's a horrid thing for her to do.
I'd be distancing myself, and certainly no moh.

ProperVexed Mon 13-Jul-20 11:21:50

Time to resign as MoH!

Lolapusht Mon 13-Jul-20 11:22:34

Ah...good point re the fiancé. Have you ever voiced your opinion of him to her or when you’ve all been out maybe you’ve challenged him? It may not be her. He may have decided you’re a trouble maker etc. Complete conjecture of course, but if he’s controlling that may be a possibility.

Samcro Mon 13-Jul-20 11:23:03

bin her, she is not a friend

Sunnydayshereatlast Mon 13-Jul-20 11:23:11

I would tell her you are resigning as MOH as your fiancé is taking you away that week end.
She is a massive bitch imo.
And she will look it to others with her actions I am certain..

Roussette Mon 13-Jul-20 11:23:30

Of course YANBU. I would pull out of being MOH. Just tell her, that you now feel you are unable to be MOH. If she doesn't ask you why, she knows she has been horrible.
If she does ask, tell her how hurt you are that you are MOH and yet not thought of as part of the bridal party. And in the circumstances, it would be best if you werent MOH.
And you sent flowers on what was meant to be her big day! What a lovely thought. She doesn't deserve you

ConstanceSalinger Mon 13-Jul-20 11:23:39

She has just told you, plain as day, what she thinks of your friendship. I'd feel betrayed in that situation.

You don't need any further explanations, back away and appoint someone who loves both you and your fiancée. Do you even need a MOH?

frog22 Mon 13-Jul-20 11:23:46

That's awful. There is clearly some issue with them either not getting on with your partner or her partner doesn't like you.

Either way it's incredibly rude and I'd be hurt. They can't treat you like you're some second rate friend that they pick and choose when they include you in things.

It's like the mean girl at school who doesn't invite a friend to her sleepover because she knows that girl is a pushover and will want to remain friends anyway.

shinyredbus Mon 13-Jul-20 11:23:50

Sorry I wouldn’t let that go. I would confront her and then I would re-asses the friendship. It sounds very one sided.

OutOfHours Mon 13-Jul-20 11:23:54

Is your fiancée like, super sexy?

Could her controlling partner be jealous of that and give your friend grief?

Your MOH, but not invited to the holiday home, something is up!

VettiyaIruken Mon 13-Jul-20 11:23:59

I bet her controlling fiancé is behind it. No doubt he's realised what you think of him. That makes you someone he needs to eliminate from her life.

Midsommar Mon 13-Jul-20 11:24:02

I'd absolutely question her. I'd also walk away from that MOH title. Unfortunately it seems this friendship is very one sided, you're the one doing all the leg work. Tell her that due to recent circumstances you no longer feel you are the right person to be her MOH. Bow out OP.

Nottherealslimshady Mon 13-Jul-20 11:24:12

Sounds like they really dont like your fiance. I'd have to ask why.

sunshinewhereareyou Mon 13-Jul-20 11:24:42

Her fiancé is super controlling - 100% is abusive. However, two girls who are bridesmaids hate him and he doesn't like them as they're "bad influences" however they're there with them...

OP’s posts: |
FlibbertyGiblets Mon 13-Jul-20 11:24:43

Confronting to me conjures images of Kat Slater doing the finger pointing yelling. Don't do that. What would you say anyway? Don't dwell, do accept that you for whatever reason weren't invited, maybe it was short notice and you're working, maybe you've indicated in the past that your spare dough gets saved for your wedding, maybe she had obligations to the others to which you are not party?

BluebellForest836 Mon 13-Jul-20 11:25:00

Ask her?

Does the fiancé not like you or not like your partner more importantly...

If so then that’s probably why.

BluebellForest836 Mon 13-Jul-20 11:25:36

he doesn’t like the girls but does he like their partners ?

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