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To be sick and tired of....

(154 Posts)
Whattodowhattodooo Sat 13-Jun-20 11:49:41

.... DH shitty attitude?

I am sick and fucking tired of it. For example: Today.

Saturday has ALWAYS been my lay in. Since we had kids. ALWAYS. It should be no surprise when on a Friday night I say "God I'm looking forward to my lay in tomorrow!" Cue, whinging about how he will be the one getting up early despite working 12 hour shifts etc etc. He forgets that he gets his lie in on Sunday and also forgets that I am caring for 2 kids, home schooling AND working from home during the week. He does fuck all. Gets himself up in the morning, gets ready for work and goes. Comes home when the kids have been bathed and put to bed. His work takes priority. I'm working till 12 at night sometimes just to get my hours in. 🙄

Back to today. It's out best friends sons birthday and we are going down the park for a picnic. I had to go and get present and food etc. At 6am (after 11 hours solid sleep) 10 month old DD2 wakes up
First thing she hears is "Ohh fuck off!" and once he's sat on the bed huffing and stomping she cries our for him and she gets another "Oh just fuck off!" Grabs her out of cot tells me to "Set a fucking alarm" and strops off downstairs. I come down at 9.30 and first thing I get is "I'm going back up for a couple of hours" I tell him he can't as I've got to shops to get stuff for today... "Fucking great" DD2 is finding her voice and eveytime she utters or shouts a noise he goes ballistic. She wants attention and interaction but he just sits there on his fucking phone and then moans when she tries to get his attention 😕

I get back from shopping and DD2 is nowhere to be seen. He says he's put her to bed as "she just kept fucking whinging at me". 2 hours before her actual nap so going to now screw up her routine for the day.

DD1 had been very good all week and had some money saved up from tooth fairy, so I got her a toy. She was so excited. "Daddy, daddy, daddy look!!!" takes his eyes away from his phone for 2 seconds to grunt "yeah". She was crestfallen. He then says he's going up to bed.

I was fucking livid. It's like he can't be arsed with the kids. He's a selfish prick and I've quite frankly had enough of his attitude. I really don't want to go to this picnic today as I know he's just going to sit there with his sunglasses on with a can of cider and a face like a slapped arse. Leaving me to deal with the kids, stropping as soon as I ask him to do anything and just generally being fucking rude.

AIBU to have had enough? Does anyone else's DH have the same attitude... Or should I say any X-DH's? My SIL has already told me to leave him and that she would fully support me as she can't understand how I've stayed so long!!! 😕

OP’s posts: |
Pelleas Sat 13-Jun-20 11:52:52

Good grief! I wouldn't want to be with someone who told a 10 month old child to 'fuck off'. He sounds appalling.

Windyatthebeach Sat 13-Jun-20 11:55:23

He needs to fuck off. Away from you and the dc.
He is abusive. Accept support from sil and get him gone.
No buts.

whitetoblerone Sat 13-Jun-20 11:55:52

He sounds horrendous. What is his problem?!

Sounds like you'd be better off without him. Your poor children...and you.

Puds11 Sat 13-Jun-20 11:59:45

Christ! Working full time and doing the childcare, you must be exhausted! He’s a selfish prick. Leave him at home, go to the picnic, enjoy yourself. Start planning to leave him.

Whattodowhattodooo Sat 13-Jun-20 12:01:57

When I ask what the problem is all I get is "I'm just tired"

Aren't we all though?? He is a very very very selfish man. All down to being wrapped up in cotton wool by his parents when he was younger. He was bullied at school and they made the world revolve around him. They fully admit he is the way his because of how they pandered to him.

Doesn't help me though does it?!!! 🤦‍♀️

OP’s posts: |
MummyGoingItAlone Sat 13-Jun-20 12:02:17

I’ve left my now ex partner for exactly this. He was a nob to me but I draw the line at being rude to our son.

DontTouchTheMoustache Sat 13-Jun-20 12:03:21

He sounds awful and I'd honestly be worried about leaving the kids alone with him with that kind of temper.

borntohula Sat 13-Jun-20 12:05:04

He sounds like a massive prick, is there anywhere else he can go if he hates his life so much?

dudsville Sat 13-Jun-20 12:05:53

When someone speaks to you or your child like that don't ask what their problem is, tell them to pack their bags and come home when they've sorted out the problem. That's no way to live.

Whattodowhattodooo Sat 13-Jun-20 12:06:47


I have absolutely no concerns whatsoever on that front. He would never ever ever do anything to hurt either of them. Never. He is just whinging........he just can't see the irony that he's whinging at them for doing EXACTLY the same thing they are doing!!!! It is like having 3 children!!

OP’s posts: |
timeforawine Sat 13-Jun-20 12:07:07

I’m sorry OP but I would be leaving him, he sounds a very selfish prick and is treating you and his poor daughters terribly. He doesn’t deserve any of you.

Ohnoherewego62 Sat 13-Jun-20 12:07:59

No, this is absolutely not on.

No fucking way.

What are you going to do? Have you addressed this behaviour with him before??

arethereanyleftatall Sat 13-Jun-20 12:10:36

He sounds awful op. What is the reason you haven't left him?
(I know some people can't for various reasons so that isn't goady)

justanotherneighinparadise Sat 13-Jun-20 12:12:28

I would see that as abusive OP. Can you leave?

MiniatureHero Sat 13-Jun-20 12:12:33

Just divorce him OP. He’s a horrible person. I cannot believe your life would be worse without him.

GinFling Sat 13-Jun-20 12:14:22

@Whattodowhattodooo I have absolutely no concerns whatsoever on that front. He would never ever ever do anything to hurt either of them. Never. He is just whinging
But he is hurting them OP, can’t you see? He might not be slapping them around, but his level of aggression and disinterest is emotionally abusive, and will be causing long-term harm.

MayFayner Sat 13-Jun-20 12:14:25

OP this isn’t ok.

If someone told my baby to fuck off I’d lose all respect for them and I’d also want to protect the baby from ever hearing it again.

His attitude to you, his attitude to the DC and his behaviour all add up to LTB and I don’t say that lightly. I just couldn’t bear it for my DC. I would worry about what he would be like parenting solo on visitation though. It’s a difficult one.

Whattodowhattodooo Sat 13-Jun-20 12:15:08


I've just learned to live with his moods I suppose. He's always been a pessimist. I actually think he is undiagnosed autistic. I KNOW this is not an excuse for him to treat me and my girls like an inconvenience but he has always had issues socially and with emotions, no empathy etc. My friend at work is convinced (her 21 year old son has aspergers)

OP’s posts: |
madcatladyforever Sat 13-Jun-20 12:15:43

Divorce this prick, he doesn't want a wife or kids. He can pay for them nonetheless and can liveo n his own from now on. What a moron.

honeylulu Sat 13-Jun-20 12:17:00

He sounds awful. A lot of men find childcare wholly uninteresting and a boring slog. (Admittedly it is sometimes but mums have to get on with it and so should dads.) Sadly many of those men think, particularly once they've discovered the above, that it's not their job. The mother produced the children out of her body so they are her responsibility. If he does anything it's a massive favour and shouldn't be expected. If it is expected he will get the arse about it. Shouting and swearing at the baby is trying to teach you a lesson - that you shouldn't have asked him.

Dump dump dump. It won't get better.

ssd Sat 13-Jun-20 12:17:50

If his own sister tells you to leave him, why are you not already packing???

Spied Sat 13-Jun-20 12:18:00

Your poor daughters will grow up walking on eggshells living with this man. They will be deeply affected.
I can't believe he's swearing at your little one and it's heartbreaking him dismissing his excited DD like that.
He IS hurting them by treating you all like this. It's as much abuse as physical abuse.
I'd get the DC ready and go to the park.
If he gets ready and comes to then that's up to him but I'd not be asking. Get on with the day with you friends and when you get home I'd start making plans towards a happy future for you and DC.

ssd Sat 13-Jun-20 12:18:36

If my dh told either of my kids to fuck off he'd be in a box.

Whattodowhattodooo Sat 13-Jun-20 12:23:10

It's really interesting to get everyone's views. I think I may have been putting up with it for far too long 🙄

OP’s posts: |

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