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Mother in law dumping her off stuff on us.

(149 Posts)
A82971151 Fri 05-Jun-20 13:40:36

Above says it all ^^

She’s obviously having a sort out whilst she’s off work furloughed. She doesn’t like to get rid of anything but happy to dump it on us.

She’s collecting things she thinks we might like. I won’t go into great detail. But old clothes, old toys that were here kids that too long ago but my two aren’t interested just things we don’t really need it have the space for in our tiny house.

I sound ungrateful but I’d be so embarrassed to give it away. I only give away things that people would appreciate if ever.

Oh has been popping over there for socially distancing chats and every time he comes back with a bag of crap. It’s often been stored away for ages and is grubby, smelly and ready for the bin.

Aibu to tell my partner to refuse to bring anything else home?

I’ve just been out to oh’s work vehicle to get something and there bags of junk that he’s obviously not brought in yet for me to see 🤣

She’s not elderly btw. She’s furloughed off work and doesn’t like to get rid of anything. If she finds out we are getting rid of something she hates it. She likes to re home things etc.

OP’s posts: |
DDIJ Fri 05-Jun-20 13:42:14

Stand firm. Don't let anything in. I have numerous threads about my mum doing just this. I can't move in my house.

Slushpuppienostalgia Fri 05-Jun-20 13:42:18

I had this!! Just tell her you don’t have the space!!

caramac04 Fri 05-Jun-20 13:46:12

I’ve got way too much crap in my house to accept anyone else’s crap. I would state very firmly that none of it would be coming into my house. Not my stuff and not my problem.
If I did that to my adult DD’s they would either refuse or get rid of the stuff but would tell me in no uncertain terms it’s not on.
Please don’t let your MiL and DH drown you in clutter.

Helendee Fri 05-Jun-20 13:49:49

Just thanks but no thanks, but can’t your husband do that?

VettiyaIruken Fri 05-Jun-20 13:50:56

Throw it away.
Don't apologise.
Tell her it wasn't useable.

Or perhaps say it isn't any use to you so does she want it back otherwise you'll take it to the dump for her.

UncleShady Fri 05-Jun-20 13:52:03

My dad does this! I've taken to just putting it in the bin in front of him and saying at least it had a nice day out before it went in the bin. I've also taught the kids to just say no to him - they were being polite and saying of course they wanted 50 copies of the Sunday Times magazine from 1983.

otterbaby Fri 05-Jun-20 13:52:34

My MIL does this. I just say "sorry, we're trying to declutter as well!" Keep it light and hopefully she doesn't take offence.

Dontforgetyourbrolly Fri 05-Jun-20 13:57:28

My mum does this ! I take a cursory look in the bag and say no thank you please take it to the charity shop and hand it back to her at the door ......dont let the bag land on the floor : hand to hand, then back to her hand . Difficult with social distancing!

Likethebattle Fri 05-Jun-20 13:57:41

Yep my mil does that or buys things at the church fayre and unloads it on us. I got told on here by a poster I was ungrateful...it’s shite, I’m not filling my house with it! Then we have a trip to a fucking charity shop on the few days off we get to get rid of it!

EmeliaLily Fri 05-Jun-20 13:58:22

best thing to do is to accept it and then charity shop it, as not to cause offence!

Holothane Fri 05-Jun-20 13:59:19

We throw it after a while.

Chloemol Fri 05-Jun-20 13:59:55

Tell him to take it all back to her and tell her you don’t have the room. Leave it on the doorstep if necessary

PrincessHoneysuckle Fri 05-Jun-20 14:02:00

Yep I told dh in no uncertain terms to stop bringing shit into the house.No more has entered since.

myusernamewastakenbyme Fri 05-Jun-20 14:02:15

Oh god i had this with my ex mil...she was a nightmare for doing it and we couldnt say no to her...i just used to bin it as soon as she'd gone...i hate clutter and am always thinning out mine and the kids stuff...

Gibbonsgibbonsgibbons Fri 05-Jun-20 14:02:33

My mother does this - it’s her way of ridding herself/house of crap but not dealing with the guilt/inconvenience of actually getting rid of it hmm

I chuck 95% in the recycling or charity shop box. Pisses me right off as she lives 5 mins walk from about 5 charity shops & we are a drive away from any.

(Thank you for reminding me to appreciate this aspect of lockdown grin)

Elouera Fri 05-Jun-20 14:03:43

Give your DH a bag of your old tat to give to her when he next visits grin

Does she expect you really to keep it all? I'd hand back what you don't want/need. We use to often get a black bag of clothes from aunts/cousins etc. If we couldn't use them, we'd either pass them to another relative they may have fitted, or give to a charity shop.

BacklashStarts Fri 05-Jun-20 14:04:40

Do you get the guilt too? ‘We’ve kept this for you’ big sad eyes. No, you kept it for you, I have no memory of it and never asked you to keep it. If you now don’t want it chuck it. So many uncomfortable conversations where I have to turn things down, I always come out of it as the heartless baddie

Cakeandslippers Fri 05-Jun-20 14:05:24

My MIL does this ALL the time! She's never thrown anything away since her eldest was born 40 years ago and as a result our house is now completely full of 40 year old toys, clothes and goodness knows what else. My favourite was an old's broken suitcase that appeared one day full of threadbare terry nappies and stained vests hmm

MyDogPatch Fri 05-Jun-20 14:07:22

My PiL do this. We accept it even though they have a three bed house and we have a two bed flat. We keep it until a time it mysteriously "disappears". 😳 Thank god there's a lockdown...in "normal" times during the summer we get copious crap from charity and junk shops, and car boot sales.

MotherWol Fri 05-Jun-20 14:07:40

You have to be firm - say thank you, but that you don't want it or need it, so if she doesn't want the stuff, she should give it to the charity shop or (more likely) take it to the tip. Charity shops don't want musty, unsaleable stuff either. It's her stuff, so disposing of it properly is her responsibility.

cstaff Fri 05-Jun-20 14:07:57

Your husband needs to learn how to say no to his mum. Can he not just tell her that you don't have the space or that you are having a clear out also. If she takes offence that is her problem, not yours.

Waveysnail Fri 05-Jun-20 14:08:45

Just go straight to the dump.with it

Hidingtonothing Fri 05-Jun-20 14:08:56

Yep, I've had to ban my DH from bringing stuff home too, not specifically from MIL's but the principle is the same. He now knows that if he doesn't have a) an immediate use for and (not or) b) a place to keep the item it does not cross our threshold smile Our house is tiny and he has hoarding tendencies so that seems fair to me. Ultimately it's your OH who's bringing the stuff in so it's him you need to tackle, let him figure out how to play it with MIL.

Sh05 Fri 05-Jun-20 14:09:38

I am just now staring at a bag of girls clothes in size 2-3. My little one is only 9 months this month but sis in law was probably having a clear out so she's bagged up and sent it through my mil.
I'm thinking I will thank her for it but send it back as we are renting atm, living out of suitcases and don't have space for our own things let alone stuff we won't be needing for a good while yet!
Just mention it to her once that you had to get rid of most of it and maybe she will rethink where to re-home it to!

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