Help please dd lost money

[Canyousendthembackwhen13]

Help! I have no clue how these things work and am at the end of my tether.

Dd is a royal pain in the ass at the moment. Everything is her way or the highway. Anyway she has recently started a job (she's 16) after dropping out of college and telling me she was going to move out and become independent as I am too oppressive 🙄. The usual teenage angst! After not speaking to me for a few days because I dared to make her the wrong type of pasta for tea she has now come to me and told me she spent £150 on a pair of shoes she bought on eBay. She paid via PayPal apparently and then has received nothing. I asked why she didn't go through eBay itself and she told me the seller asked her not to so as not to pay fees (I could hit my head against a wall at this point as I thought she had more sense).

She's opened a dispute with PayPal and has sent the screenshots of the messages etc. How likely is she to get the money back?

I'm so disappointed and this is all clearly a much bigger picture. She's not the girl I thought anymore and this year has just been one thing after another. I thought her getting a job was her first step towards maturity but she has assured me it's just so she can get away from us.

Please can someone tell me what the chances are that she will get her money back? In some ways I think it will teach her a lesson but in others I think £150 is an expensive lesson.

[LettertoHermoine]

Did she pay via "family and friends" on Paypal?

[Raspberrytruffle]

Unfortunately it's a very expensive lesson to be learned by dd.

[Traffy]

Did she pay for 'goods' or 'gift'?

You're being hard on her, we all make mistakes.

[Redonion123]

I’ve got no idea whether she will get the money back or not, but part of growing up is making mistakes, however expensive.

[NearlyGranny]

Let her learn. I hope she gets her money back, but on no account should you replace it. I hope she doesn't ask or expect that!

[GetMeOffThisCycleOfMisery]

If she paid via friends and family option, I believe that there unfortunately no comeback.

[LaurieFairyCake]

Yes, an expensive lesson

And all part of being that adult she craves

[mogtheexcellent]

Well she wont do that again.

It's an expensive lesson to learn but we all make mistakes. I'm hoping she is a bit less stroppy and know it all after this but shes 16, so I guess not.

[Canyousendthembackwhen13]

Tbh I'm probably more annoyed because this is just the latest in a string of things she has done with no regard. The shoes are for an event (like a dancing competition but I don't want to be outing) and she thinks me and her dad will now pay for new ones.

She paid as goods and services. She received a tracking number that says delivered but it is to an area miles from our home.

[LettertoHermoine]

If she paid Goods and Service she does have a comeback.

[Supertrooper98]

You sound like you're overreacting to her mistake

[Canyousendthembackwhen13]

Oh she fully expects we will get her the shoes. She came to me somewhat sheepishly to tell me what had happened then said she would get the money back via PayPal. I said I wasn't sure and she then basically told me where I could get her another pair!

I won't be getting her a replacement pair or giving her the money. I've been really soft on her trying to understand that she's growing up etc and what a difficult time this is for her but she is just taking the royal p*. I give her the benefit of the doubt and she takes a mile back.

[YesThatsATurdOnTheRug]

She should get the money back, PayPal is good like that.

I would ask her what in the hell she is thinking of expecting you to pay out when she can not extend you basic courtesy. I hope you're no longer cooking her food for her either, she sounds entitled and rude.

[Canyousendthembackwhen13]

@Supertrooper98 I'm probably overreacting to this on here yes. In real life I've told her it's for her to sort out and I won't be replacing the shoes. I'm not going to discuss it with her further I don't think.

[BellatrixLestat]

eBay usually side with the buyer so she will get her money back. Not sure how long it will take though.

[Canyousendthembackwhen13]

She really is entitled and rude. I feel awful describing her like this but I'm devastated by her behaviour. She is a twin and we have raised both girls exactly the same yet she speaks to me like I'm dirt on her shoe. She told my husband the other day she couldn't eat in the dining room as 'that' (me) was sat in there.

[19lottie82]

If she paid with PayPal via eBay then she will he covered as it defaults to goods and services, so she has buyer protection.

[Canyousendthembackwhen13]

@BellatrixLestat she hasn't paid via eBay as the seller asked her not to so she wouldn't pay fees. Only PayPal so I'm hoping they will. She doesn't have any contact details for the seller either or id contact them. She has a phone number which is now going to voicemail.

[TheReef]

She should get her money back.

But you really need to stand by your guns and not get her a replacement pair. It's a hard lesson to learn for her but so be it

[Bluntness100]

She will be covered, she's not done anything wrong as such. You're picking the wrong hill to die on here.

[TheReef]

I also don't think I'd help her with the dispute until she comes to you cap in hand and apologises for her awful behaviour.

[Ferretyone]

@Canyousendthembackwhen13

EBay will not be involved at all as the sale was done "off eBay". Paypal will help and you can ring them. They do tend to look more closely at what has happened and what is being said but you may need to be persistent.

[Tombliwho]

I'd be more upset at being called 'that'. How horrible.

[Canyousendthembackwhen13]

I won't be helping her with the dispute. I was trying at first but now I think she wants to be an adult and has no respect for me so maybe this has to be where I let her stand on her own two feet a bit.

I think writing all this down is a bit of a release for me to be honest. She is like a different person in comparison to last year. In October she met someone online, he's the same age as her (I've met him and spoken to his parents) but it's like she's been completely body swapped. She is infatuated, which I understand at her age but she has become rude and completely unreasonable. She no longer talks to me or her father or even her sister unless she wants something and she will hear nothing said unless it suits her.

In December we caught her sneaking this boy into our home late at night. She knows this would be a big no from us. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and talked to her about it all, had a real heart to heart (I was trying to remember how I felt with my first love at 16!) and I came away feeling like we had made headway. Two hours later I found she had him in her room again, condoms on the floor (thank god she had that sense) etc. I then found out she had stolen a bracelet from her sisters room with this boy (I assume to sell? Even though she has plenty of access to money for what she needs etc). I was furious, rang his mother who couldn't have given a monkeys and told me her son had said I was lying! Since then our relationship has just got worse and worse. I've no idea what to do, I'm completely out of my mind. None of my other children were like this (her sister and older brother). I'm a teacher and I feel a complete failure because I've no idea how to control my own child ☹️

[BellatrixLestat]

It doesn't matter if she didn't pay via the ebay link. An eBay transaction is binding, she has proof she paid for them via PayPal and she did so through 'goods and services'. She can report to both PayPal and eBay.

Were the messages sent through eBay?