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To contact dog breeder and ask him not to sell puppy to my sister?

(278 Posts)
BJsHair Wed 13-Nov-19 13:39:44

My sister (25) is autistic but very, very immature for her age (she still plays with teddy bears and watches cartoons). She lives alone and is not coping well. Does not work, barely leaves the house.

She gets obsessions. An example of her obsessions was the time she got obsessed with Ford Ka cars. So much so that she actively tried to buy one despite the fact that she doesn’t (and never will) drive. She just wanted it to sit in and decorate. She had no idea about insurance or road tax ... it was basically just to be a giant toy.

Anyway, I’m a dog breed enthusiast and my sister has now become obsessed with the same breed. I put years of research into the breed before I bought my first dog, organised dog training and socialisation classes before I got her and spent hours and hours on training. I’d had dogs before but not this breed. The breed is NOT a first time dog owner breed. In the wrong hands they can be dangerous. My sister is terrified of my dogs, has never owned a dog before yet is adamant that she is buying a puppy from this litter ... she’s going to pay her deposit on Friday. I’ve tried talking her out of it and my mum says I’m being selfish saying “why is it ok for you to have one but not her?”. They just don’t understand. AIBU to go directly to breeder and tell him not to sell her one?

WellVersedInEtiquette Wed 13-Nov-19 14:04:11

I'm wondering if it's an Akita? Is it a decent breeder that she's getting it from?

marshmellowed Wed 13-Nov-19 14:04:29

As close family you know her best and if that is how you feel then def contact the breeder

Branleuse Wed 13-Nov-19 14:04:31

I think in this case, it YWNBU.

I wonder if it would be possible for her to "adopt" one of yours in as much as she could help you with it and walk it, and it be "half" hers, and then it will still be ok once shes bored

Zaphodsotherhead Wed 13-Nov-19 14:04:56

To be fair, in the wrong hands any breed of dog can be dangerous.

So your mum is on board with your sister getting this dog? Does your mum think your sister can look after this dog? Or is the general attitude one of 'oh, we can give it away or sell it if she can't manage'?

You can have a word with this breeder, but can you stop her going somewhere else? Is she capable of buying a puppy without someone helping her?

It has car crash written all over it, but I don't see how you can stop her contacting every breeder in the country, especially if your mum is behind her. Maybe look into how hard it is to rehome the breed if it doesn't work, and tell your mum? Or try to persuade her towards a breed that is an easier dog to handle - as a PP said, a dog may be good for her, just not your breed.

BJsHair Wed 13-Nov-19 14:06:50

I wouldn’t let her alone with my dogs.

Sallyseagull Wed 13-Nov-19 14:07:52


I would inform the breeder so, hopefully, they could say that unfortunately all the puppies have gone. Hopefully she wont then try to source another breeder.

iwouldbuyyouadress Wed 13-Nov-19 14:09:11

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SlothMama Wed 13-Nov-19 14:09:54

I'd tell the breeder, if they cared about where their pups go they wouldn't sell her one.

Blueuggboots Wed 13-Nov-19 14:09:59

@iwouldbuyyouadress are you on glue??!!

Branleuse Wed 13-Nov-19 14:11:58

why wouldnt you leave her alone with them?

BJsHair Wed 13-Nov-19 14:12:36

@ iwouldbuyyouadress

Concern for animals as well as the potential for an out of control dog to kill someone. Now don’t be a dick, professionally offended one

BJsHair Wed 13-Nov-19 14:13:51

I wouldn’t leave her alone with them as i don’t trust them not to recognise weakness and play on it. I also wouldn’t trust her to keep control of them should she need to.

Fakeflowersaremynewnormal Wed 13-Nov-19 14:15:39

It would come across better if you had a bit more compassion for your sister and also answered as to why your mum thinks she could manage. Is your mum aware of the amount of time and training you have put in?

dontgobaconmyheart Wed 13-Nov-19 14:16:00

Why is your mother unconcerned OP? Surely she has the measure of her own daughter's abilities or are there other issues here confused. Why would you not want her alone with your own dogs?

You're not BU to do it if you think that is the right thing to do- but YABU for buying dogs from a breeder yourself if you've done so.

Ultimately you can't stop her buying one from everywhere, if she acquired one and was not caring for it or it were dangerous I would certainly report it to the RSPCA asap. This is the problem with dog breeding as a money making scheme.

beethebee Wed 13-Nov-19 14:16:47

Yes, contact the breeder (and maybe any other local ones that you know of).

This sounds like it would end very badly for at least the dog, but maybe also your sister.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet Wed 13-Nov-19 14:16:49

I think it's a very good idea to contact the breeder. My sister sounds very like yours, except she never got a diagnosis due to my parents being in complete denial. She got the dog she wanted (my parents bought it for her) and it was an unmitigated disaster. It wasn't trained, she overfed it, didn't let it out or take it for walks, didn't groom it and was clearly terrified of it.
In the end my parents took it back, but fully supported her getting a fecking Labrador a few years later (in a tiny one bedroom house with no garden). Same story, same result.
Sometimes, somebody has to step in.

BJsHair Wed 13-Nov-19 14:18:14

My mother is very naive and what my sister wants, she gets.

I do have compassion for her, I’ve invited her to dog walks with me many times but she makes excuses.

PrincessHoneysuckle Wed 13-Nov-19 14:19:25

Come on what breed is it? Rottie? German Shepherd? Staffie?

FacebookRager Wed 13-Nov-19 14:19:29

Please do. Any breeder who cares about their pups would welcome the information. It's easy to say that a good breeder would pick up on her being a bad fit but I have no idea what your DSis acts like. Could she be convincing that she would be a good owner?

KanelbulleKing Wed 13-Nov-19 14:20:05

I wouldn’t leave her alone with them as i don’t trust them not to recognise weakness and play on it. I also wouldn’t trust her to keep control of them should she need to.

You make it sound like you have raptors not dogs.

I get you though. My adult DD is autistic an obsessed with cats and keeps getting the bloody things. Inevitably she can't care for it properly so it moves in with me. And then a cat she knows has kittens and off we go again. I currently have 3 of DD's cats living with me.

BeautifulTrauma1 Wed 13-Nov-19 14:21:29

I'm interested to know what the breed of dog is?

If it is the case that you can't stop this seller selling to your sister, maybe you could help her with some tips instead of being so against it? Put her in touch with puppy socialisation classes and support groups - show her online resource.
She may have autism but if she has the support she needs around her and manages to get the right tools to raise this puppy, it could 100% be the making of her and give her a lot more confidence.

womenspeakout Wed 13-Nov-19 14:22:31

Is i a Caucasian?

Bellatrix14 Wed 13-Nov-19 14:23:55

While I agree with you that you should contact the breeder and explain the situation (nobody is automatically entitled to buy an animal, even Pets at Home quiz you before you can take a pet home!) I’m unsure why you’re being so evasive about telling people the breed when you’ve been asking so many times? I think this is ‘outing’ enough already!

BJsHair Wed 13-Nov-19 14:24:33

I’m dogs are not dangerous, I don’t mean to sound like they are. I’m just very protective of them and wouldn’t want to put them in risky situations. They’re strong and if they feel they can get the better of someone (as in pull them over on the lead etc) they will do.

They are European Dobermans

SchadenfreudePersonified Wed 13-Nov-19 14:25:07

I also want to know what sort of dog it is. If is is an akita, as someone else suggested, they can be very dangerous if not handled properly - very independent-minded, powerful dogs.

What is it OP - it's hardly outing to mention a dog breed. Lots of owners have sisters.

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