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To ask whether it is usual for married people in their 30s to have friends staying the night?

(150 Posts)
noclue2 Tue 20-Aug-19 13:04:43

My husband insists there is nothing unusual about wanting his friends (not our shared friends) to stay the night every so often, even though we're married and in our 30s. I usually need to get out of the way. No DC yet.

AIBU to think this isn't usual? Not saying it's a problem when it's only every so often, but I do think it's a bit unnecessary, especially when his friends only live half an hour away.

Pootles34 Tue 20-Aug-19 13:05:38

Yes its usual, but why on earth do you need to get out of the way?

Rainatnight Tue 20-Aug-19 13:06:03

What do you mean you need to get out of the way? That’s the odd bit.

AmIRightOrAMeringue Tue 20-Aug-19 13:07:28

Our friends stay the night when they visit but they do live more than 30 min away and we dont see them often.
If you drink its much more convenient
I would never ask my husband to get out of the way if my friends stayed though and he wouldn't ask that of me either

Nowisthemonthofmaying Tue 20-Aug-19 13:07:50

Normal to have friends stay over but why do you have to be out of the way?

JemimaPuddlePeacock Tue 20-Aug-19 13:07:56

How often?

Why would you need to get out of the way?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery Tue 20-Aug-19 13:08:29

Is it because they've been drinking and they're too cheap to pay for a taxi home? I can't think of another reason why they'd need to stay overnight. But to be honest the fact that you feel you have to make yourself scarce is more worrying...has he actually told you he doesn't want you there when his friends are there?

Choice4567 Tue 20-Aug-19 13:08:41

Of course it’s usual. My parents are in their 60s and have friends to stay the night, either after going out for a meal or cooking at their house. What’s unusual about it?

Spingtrolls Tue 20-Aug-19 13:09:08

It's not unusual regardless of the peoples' age.

However, what do you mean by getting out of the way?

Ponoka7 Tue 20-Aug-19 13:09:27

Yes it's usual. It only stops being usual because as you get older you need your own bed and toiletries etc.

Gone go the days of kipping in a mates.

MoreFrog Tue 20-Aug-19 13:09:55

Quite normal. But as others have commented, why would you need to get out of the way?

whifflesqueak Tue 20-Aug-19 13:10:07

I’m married and my friends stay over often.

Husband doesn’t “get out of the way” though.

Shoxfordian Tue 20-Aug-19 13:10:38

What's wrong with them staying over?

mindutopia Tue 20-Aug-19 13:11:14

It would be usual for us, but it isn’t often. We live rurally and you can’t get taxis out here easily and anyway good friends all live at least 1.5 hours away. So yes, they do stay the night or the whole weekend. I would say it’s maybe 4 times a year.

We do have dc though and we aren’t the most fun people to stay a night with (dc waking up during the night and early mornings), so dh sometimes goes camping locally with them when they come to stay just so it’s less disruption to everyone. But yes, I’d say it’s normal but it’s not the every weekend.

HiJenny35 Tue 20-Aug-19 13:11:17

Not normal here. We are adults not kids having a sleepover, if we go out we return to our own homes after and the same with our friends. If we went to a friends further away one of us wouldn't drink and would do the driving.

noclue2 Tue 20-Aug-19 13:11:48

They want to play computer games and it is literally like I don't exist. Try being sociable but it is made very obvious that they don't want me around. This in itself is fine - we don't have similar interests, and I imagine it would be the same with DH and my friends tbh. I end up having to go out/stay with a relative or hide away upstairs though, and it all feels a bit awkward.

It's not very often at all. As I say, I don't have a massive problem with it. I'm just curious whether it is usual thing or not. Has anyone got any thoughts about how to deal with this situation without seeming like they are getting in the way?

AryaStarkWolf Tue 20-Aug-19 13:11:51

Yeah agree with the majority, not unusual to have a friend stay over, unusual that you're expected to be out of the way..he can fuck off with that one

MRex Tue 20-Aug-19 13:12:04

What do you mean "get out of the way"?

We have people stay over, usually they're seeing both of us but occasionally a friend might just be out with one of us. Usually it's people who live quite far away, or it's planned to save bothering with a taxi.

Rapbitch22 Tue 20-Aug-19 13:12:49

@noclue2 I wouldn’t mind them staying over if they were drunk as taxi would probably be very expensive and if you have a spare room... but what do you mean ‘stay out the way?’ ... that’s the odd bit!!!! confused

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Tue 20-Aug-19 13:13:03

Totally normal here, I have friends (and sometimes DCs) staying over once a month at least. Love it. Would never ask DH to 'get out of the way' though, although often I arrange it for nights when he's out or away working as it's a good way to catch up.

ChristineTime Tue 20-Aug-19 13:13:39

I can't speak for others but this most definitely isn't normal for us.

We've never had a friend (mutual or otherwise) to stay at our house. I might consider it if the friend had come a very long way but if they live half hour away, absolutely not.

Shoxfordian Tue 20-Aug-19 13:13:58

Can't you play too? It's rude to ignore you in your own house.

VenusOfWillendorf Tue 20-Aug-19 13:14:07

Completely normal for friends to stay over - a bit odd that you would need/want to get out of the way.
Unless of course you want to use it as excuse to spend a night with friends/family? But here's no reason either of you should 'expect' you to be out of the way.

Rapbitch22 Tue 20-Aug-19 13:14:27

@noclue2 if they are not even drinking and just playing computer games it seems a bit weird. But if it makes him happy?! And it isn’t very often?! Pick your battles OP. Maybe a girls slumber party at yours just to prove a point wink

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Tue 20-Aug-19 13:14:29

Ah, if they're coming over to game I can see how that might feel a bit awkward. In which case I would watch my tv on my laptop, go for a bath, read or whatever. You can't 'join in' the conversation if people are on consoles.

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