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To think DH should remember...

(444 Posts)
leopardandspots Thu 11-Jul-19 23:25:33

That DD's seven years at primary school finishes next Tuesday.

And that he should not have arranged to go out after work with his mate?

NoSquirrels Mon 15-Jul-19 08:41:53

@Runnerduck34 can you ask your primary school to reconsider the balloon release on the last day?

They’re absolutely awful for wildlife and livestock. Perhaps you’re a city school and not rural because round here it would have everyone up in arms. Here’s a recent thread. Even the biodegradable ‘environmentally friendly’ balloons don’t break down quick enough not to be eaten by a cow or sheep or other animal...

Zaeem5 Mon 15-Jul-19 08:08:47

OP, my DH is s massive cyclist and goes on god knows how many cycling trips a year. Plus other sports too. Also he’s a workaholic frankly and away a lot. I’m a SAHM, so I expect to be the mainstay at such events. I think it would bother me if I sensed he didn’t care at all. This is the crux of it. There have been quite a few things he’s not been able to attend over the years because of work - or sometimes things like rockclimbing holidays booked well in advance- but he’s always called and explained to the DC. They don’t doubt he’s interested. This is why I don’t mind that I often go to things solo.

I think only you can decide whether this is a problem or not. It’s not always the being there. As you say, it’s more about taking notice.

Hebdenbridge Mon 15-Jul-19 06:38:41

Fucking grown up men and their goddamn cycling @leopardandspots angry

Janus Sun 14-Jul-19 22:52:51

But percypig that would mean both the man and the woman work part time to do the school runs/doctors appointments/sports days/ school plays etc etc. I have in my circle 2 dad’s that do all the drop offs etc but that’s because the mother earns more than they do. I think that’s what it boils down to. My husband has his own company so he can make all the school plays and whatever we have notice for, he can’t always do the rest but he will be there for leavers assembly this week but due to sheer luck. He loves it when he gets to see this but if he needs to be in, say, Switzerland for sports day that day there’s nothing either of us can do about that. We will both go to the leavers assembly and I think we will both be emotional because he’s even worse than me!!

HeadintheiClouds Sun 14-Jul-19 21:43:29

Have to agree, Back

BackforGood Sun 14-Jul-19 21:39:09

my DC has a leavers assembly followed by playground barbecue and balloon release on their last day

How sad that anyone is so selfish and cares so little about the environmental impact especially on wildlife, that they think it is a good idea to be deliberately releasing balloons. Most 10 and 11 year olds care more about the environment than that. Am really surprised a Primary school arranges or endorses that. sad

lazylinguist Sun 14-Jul-19 21:20:34

I agree. There’s a growing culture of emotional masturbation where every small thing is made bigger than it is for “the feels” and the sake of a good cry.

God yes, this.

AquaPris Sun 14-Jul-19 21:06:51

So ask him not to go out and make dinner plans

leopardandspots Sun 14-Jul-19 20:51:46

Really what I don't understand is why he's not in the slightest bit bothered. She wants him there sometimes; if I hadn't gone, I'd feel like I'd hurt her feelings - but that's my issue I guess.

leopardandspots Sun 14-Jul-19 20:46:23

This thread basically deals with the different approaches of mothers and fathers. I would hope we would at least be heading towards greater equality by 2019.

Yes I would have hoped that too.

We had another minor example today. DH had a cycling event which involved leaving the house at 5.30 am.

He said to DD he'd be back in time for another end of term thing. This is nothing to do with school but a little informal end of term gym show thing at 6 pm. DH did come but due to traffic etc missed it and arrived just in time for the nibbles at the end.

Before I get slated, I didn't make a fuss, just accepted that the cycling etc is important to him. RX

StreetwiseHercules Sun 14-Jul-19 19:00:49

“Those WhatsApp MSG's you quoted sum it up. They're all about how the parents feel and not about the kids”

I agree. There’s a growing culture of emotional masturbation where every small thing is made bigger than it is for “the feels” and the sake of W good cry.

A lot of men (and women) aren’t into that, and that should be accepted and respected just as much as those who wish to wail and gnash their teeth every chance they get.

Nobody is stopping people from having their emotions, but why do they have to drag others into it if it is not their thing?

Percypigparade Sun 14-Jul-19 17:46:50

It's the "but why ?" Janus. This thread basically deals with the different approaches of mothers and fathers. I would hope we would at least be heading towards greater equality by 2019.

Janus Sun 14-Jul-19 17:29:14

Percypig, it is (generally) because women work (or try to) around the school pick ups and drop offs or are SAHM. If the mums are therefore there that’s why they take the photos on the last day. I don’t exactly know what your point is but my husband would not be able to do the job he does if I wasn’t at home as we have no one within 150 mile radius to help so that’s just what has happened. We are both happy as we are so isn’t that the important thing?

Percypigparade Sun 14-Jul-19 16:05:16

allpizzasgreatandsmall so that's it! Nothing to do with women being vastly more likely than men to quit work or work part time or flexibly to enable them to do the school run. Or to form the social glue that hokds things together, arranging playdates etc.
I don't disagree with you that women form more friendships but its the background to this that you are overlooking.

leopardandspots Sun 14-Jul-19 16:00:31

Hmmm if he'd said that (before reading this thread) I'd have said something like:

"Are you sure - as it's the end of St Mark's [ fictional name of school] and you can see Dave every night while we're away with grandparents the following week."

After reading this thread I'd now think well it's his choice but feel a bit sad he'd made that choice.

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall Sun 14-Jul-19 15:41:19

Remember she was leaving and when- that's all ! Just remember it

So if he'd said " Next Friday, which is DD's last day at primary school, I'm meeting Dave after work and going for a drink." that would have been fine with you, because he'd remembered what day she was leaving?

DeniseRoyal Sun 14-Jul-19 15:32:32

@Iamnotagoddess amen to all that! Can we be friends? grin

AllPizzasGreatAndSmall Sun 14-Jul-19 15:31:08

Do you know why it's all "mums" taking the photos at your school?

Because more mums get involved and form friendship groups with each other than men do generally.

animaginativeusername Sun 14-Jul-19 13:00:11

I would see it as a problem but I don't because the kids don't see it as a problem. He is a brilliant hands on dad, just not great with dates or remembering any event. He does the cooking, and works 12 hour night shifts. I'm a SAHM and help out with food, but all the school/appointments/parents evening. My husband attended the assemblies of sports if not working

Justploddingon Sun 14-Jul-19 12:42:12

My daughters leavers assembly is on Friday and I will be attending. Her step dad is going to the afternoon performance of the Year 6 play and I'll go to the evening one. I dont know if her dad knows about these events but if he spent time talking to her (she's just got back from his), then it's his choice 😏

Runnerduck34 Sun 14-Jul-19 12:00:56

I wonder how many PP have children around year 6 age. It was never a big deal when I was a school but it is celebrated now, my DC has a leavers assembly followed by playground barbecue and balloon release on their last day, most parents attended. I think DC really do care if parents turn up at these events and it is an important rite of passage for them and as a parent you should be prepared to put your DC first. I would be a upset to, OP has made adjustments to her day to be there for her DC and so should DH

Percypigparade Sun 14-Jul-19 11:32:20

OP at my dc's last year some women were having a bit of a muted cry themselves - I noticed they were ones who didn't have a younger child still at primary. It's a big change and I don't think there's the same parental involvement in secondary.
There's another thread on here about how it's a waste of time and money going to university graduations. Some people just don't mark occasions and others do. I don't think there's any reconciling the two views any more than in a shoes on/shoes off debate!
And there's no arguing with women who see no difference in the emotional labour carried out by mothers.

leopardandspots Sun 14-Jul-19 10:20:09

?? There will be plenty of children picked up by childminders, nannies or babysitters, as you so sneeringly mentioned.

Who mentioned childminders etc?

Lily019 Sun 14-Jul-19 10:10:06

I used to have a husband who could barely remember our children's birthdays, never mind any other dates so I can sympathise. However, I've never signed up for all this school end prom rubbish or anything similar. When I was 8, we moved to a foreign country. A week later, on the first day of term, I got plonked on the school bus with a bunch of kids I couldn't understand and basically left to get on with it. No photos, no fanfare, no biggie. Life lessons. I reckon kids are too pampered and treated like mini celebs nowadays anyway.They just have to complete their homework and they get a round of applause. We all love our kids but good grief, really??

lololove Sun 14-Jul-19 09:38:29

I admit I remember mine (mid 90s) but that's because the time was so intense rather than doing something in particular. In the space of those summer holidays i left junior school, moved house & left childhood friends behind (was a fair distance) , grandma died after brave long drawn out cancer battle, we 'inherited' the care of alcoholic grandfather, started my periods and then started senior school. Instead of a relaxing break I think I was partly glad to go back for a rest!!!!

I remember the classroom and saying goodbye but nothing special happened , by the school or us. I don't it would be remembered?

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