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What would you do? CF boyfriend?

(157 Posts)
owlettafeather Wed 24-Apr-19 10:17:43

For a couple of (complicated and outing) reasons, my cohabiting boyfriend has not paid anything towards our joint outgoings for about a year and a half.

Yesterday, at my bedtime, he realised he'd got a PPI payout of nearly £2k straight to his bank account. He'd applied and had been waiting for it, but it was much more than expected.

I was pleased and thought it would take some of the pressure off me having to pay for everything all the time. I'm on my break at work and have just read a text from him, saying he's bought a new QLED tv with the money.

My first reaction is anger. I feel like telling him to cancel the order and put the money in the joint account, so he can actually contribute usefully. Am I being too harsh? I know it's technically his money to use as he wishes, but it just seems so... selfish. What would you do?

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse Thu 02-May-19 10:41:36

What everyone else had said.

The situation is ludicrous my jaw literally dropped when I read you had been doing this for 18 bloody months.

It’s an absolute joke - he isn’t your child, you are not responsible for carrying him when he decides to opt out of “adulting” and to spunk all his money on gaming (which is definitely his “hobby” hmm


Ps I bet he goes for 50/50 equity despite not bothering to pay the mortgage for two years

AnchorDownDeepBreath Thu 02-May-19 10:55:32

* Depression isn't an excuse, neither is bipolar but the excessive spending may indicate it.*

No; that's very simplified. Bipolar overspending is impulsive, it's sprees and hoarding and associated with manic behaviours. It's not calmly buying yourself a brand new TV to let you carry on gaming while your partner pays for everything.

Tomjet Thu 02-May-19 11:07:23

Been there (including the T.V!) but we were married with a child before the depression hit, with a great big dollop of addiction for good measure.
Depression is never an excuse for bad behaviour. It may be a 'selfish' illness but he is completely taking the piss out of you. It hasn't crossed his mind to use the money to contribute to the bills, savings or his debt because he doesn't consider them to be important or his responsibility. You would be wise to get rid. You have been more supportive than he should ever have hoped for and now it's time to look after yourself. What would happen if you broke it off and suggested selling the house? Is that more scary than living this way forever? I doubt it. It feels like a very unfair choice for you to have to make I know but if you do nothing this will continue, believe me. Do it now and never let anyone take advantage of you again.

Btw I kept the T.V.wink

KittyInTheCradle Thu 02-May-19 11:16:40

For comparison, I supported my family for a short time. My partner had no income at all. He got given £100 for his birthday present from parents. What did he do with it? Bought me my favourite dinner, did a food shop and got some things we needed for the house. That's the decent person's response.

I'm actually really bothered by this TV thing! Probably because I've been in a financially abusive relationship previously, so these things piss me right off!

Prequelle Thu 02-May-19 11:19:53

I get people not being able to work because of mental illness, I've got depression and bipolar so yes I get it... but what would he have done were you not paying his way? This may sound harsh but I bet he would have managed to get through it and work.

qazxc Thu 02-May-19 11:30:44

I have depression so can understand how overwhelming it is and how even the smallest tasks can appear like scaling everest.
However had I come into a lot of money in his situation my first thought would have been to pay you back for all the money you paid for his share of the living expenses, not buying myself expensive and unnecessary gift.
I would also be either giving up my hobby as I couldn't afford it. I mean it is only common sense that any money that comes goes into a household first goes on bills and then, if there is some left over, hobbies.

Elloduckie Thu 02-May-19 11:46:00

ARE YOU A THERAPIST TO BE DEALING WITH HIS DEPRESSION? GET Rid before he makes you seriously Ill as well OP

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